


Skies Are Gray: Fragmented

by orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Based on Real Events, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Halsey references, Hurt/Comfort, I love all of these babies, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Manipulative Friendship, Manipulative Relationship, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Depression/Anxiety, Mentions of Mental Illness, No actual descriptions of sex at all, Obsession, Offensive mental health language, Please do not crucify me, Sexual Coercion, Suicide, Teen Angst, This is not a happy Rokunami story, This is not intended as character bashing, Underage Drinking, Various Trigger Warnings, mentions of cheating, mentions of physical abuse, pathological liar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2020-05-20 11:10:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 78,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: All she'd ever wanted was to know that she was worthy of being loved, that she wasn't crazy, that her feelings were valid and important. {Repost from FFN}





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story about a year ago because I needed a place to put my feelings. This is based on several real life events. This is not only my story, but my friends’ and my family’s stories. I am NOT glorifying, supporting, or romanticizing any of the events that take place in this story. If you are looking for cute RokuNami, this is not the fic for you.
> 
> Warning: This fic may be triggering or upsetting. It centers around abuse and self harm, briefly mentions cancer and alcohol, and heavily implies mental illness and sexual assault, however there are no graphic depictions of any of these things. If you are struggling physically, mentally, or emotionally and/or are not comfortable with any of the subjects I've just mentioned, please DO NOT read this story.

"I hate this song so much."

 

The blonde received a chilling look from her best friend. She bit the inside of her jaw to keep from sighing or saying something that would offend him anymore than he already had been. Now he was about to start an argument about a song that was so awful that it was physically painful to listen to. "This is _real_ music," he frowned. "Nothing like that crap you listen to. What was that shit you just showed me the other day? Hopeless Kingdom?"

 

"hopeless fountain kingdom. And Halsey is not crap."

 

"Yes she is. She's one of the most problematic people in the industry right now. That bitch is annoying. Every time you turn around, she's arguing with someone about something and it's unnecessary. Plus, she keeps saying really offensive stuff in her interviews—"

 

"Whoa, now," Naminé chuckled, trying to keep herself under control. They could disagree without resorting to name calling. They _could_. "You think her music is bad because she's ''problematic”? Not because of the lyrics in her songs or the production of the song, but because you just don't like her as a person?"

 

He rolled his eyes dramatically. He was just a dramatic person by nature. "I mean her lyrics suck too. All in all, I just don't like anything about her or anything she does. I feel like she's just a fake Tumblr girl."

 

"You're a fake Tumblr girl," she mumbled defensively.

 

"We know our own kind," he winked as he took another large bite of his Subway sandwich. Naminé crumpled her empty chip bag up in her fist and shoved it into the plastic bag that he kept hanging on his gear shift. The conversation had to end there, or else she would get mad about him disrespecting an amazing artist that had done him no harm whatsoever. He could be so infuriating sometimes…but she wouldn't have it any other way. Childhood friends had that unspoken right to annoy you to the ends of the earth and back without ever leaving your side.

 

Naminé sneered half-heartedly as she turned her attention to the windshield. "Whatever."

 

"Don't _whatever_ me."

 

"Fall in a ditch, Roxas."

 

"We'll see if you still want me to fall in a ditch after I leave this fall."

 

Why did he have to bring that up?

 

The whole point of them hanging out tonight was to forget that he would be leaving her at the end of the summer. He was a senior—just a year older than her—and had a free ride to go practically anywhere in the country because he had been involved in football, Struggle, and track. Meanwhile, Naminé had adamantly refused to get involved in any school activities for her three years of high school, leaving her to rely on her slightly above average grades and some random scholarship somewhere to pay her tuition when the time came.

 

The thought of him going off to college made her heart sink to her stomach, an awful ache throbbed in the empty cavity that was left. What in the world would she do in school without him? "Have you um…" The quiver in her voice was blatantly obvious, but she quickly cleared her throat in an attempt to cover it. "Have you thought about where you want to go?"

 

Roxas paused mid chew. "Yeah… I already told you I'm going to Hollow Bastion."

 

She felt winded. It was so like him to want to go to the school with the best sports team in the nation—the school that was several thousand miles away from her. Why would he want to go to their dumb little community college when he could live out his dream? It was the only thing he really focused on anymore.

 

"Oh. I thought you said you were thinking about it."

 

He swallowed his food before he began. "I did, but when you think about it, there's not much to think about." His brow furrowed as he tilted his head to the side. "Did that make any sense to you or am I just stupid?"

 

"A little bit of both," she smirked. "Which sport are you going for?"

 

"I don't know yet. I still have all summer to decide, but I've narrowed it down to football and Struggle. Nobody really pays attention to the Struggle teams since it's considered a "kiddie sport" but that's what I love about it. I don't know if I want to be known for what I do, or do what I'm passionate about but be seen on a much smaller scale and get paid way less. Struggle won't make bank and we all know that, but…" A far-away look came to his eyes as his brow furrowed once again. It was clear that he desperately wanted to do both, but that wouldn't be possible for him. He had to pick one and stick with it.

 

The right decision was right in front of him, but she wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it. "Do you want my honest opinion?"

 

He shrugged. "Even if I didn't, you'd probably give it to me anyway. Tell me."

 

Naminé inhaled deeply, and then let it out slowly. "Go with football. I know you love Struggle, but I know you'd hate to struggle financially later on in life because of it. You could still keep it as a hobby for when you have free time."

 

"Is…that what I want?"

 

"I don't know. You need to worry about what you need, though. Think about it: if you turn what you love to do into a career, you won't want to do it anymore because then it'll feel like work to you. It'll be a lot of pressure, and the main reason you love Struggle is because it's less pressure than any other sport. Do you want to grow old and look back on Struggle as something you used to love, but can't stand anymore?"

 

He narrowed his eyes in thought, lowering his sandwich into his lap. The awful song on the radio had long since changed to some advertisement about a store for car parts, but Roxas didn't make any move to search for another station like he normally would have. This was really important to him and she could tell. Hopefully, he would take her advice.

 

"Yeah…you're right." The corner of his mouth lifted as the tension in his shoulders eased. "Thanks."

 

"Just doing my best friend duties," she grinned.

 

Roxas snorted. "Really, thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you, Sunshine."

 

"Probably die, I don't know.”

 

He laughed hard. She loved seeing him relaxed like this. No, not quite relaxed, but it was the closest he would get to it for a while. All the talk of college and life after high school that seemed to plague each senior class was clearly getting to him. You could see it starting to take a toll on him physically, what with the heavy bags and dark circles around his eyes. The only thing she had wanted since the beginning of the school year was for him to take it easy and worry about the present. That proved to be impossible.

 

"You have so little faith in me," he grinned in the most attractive way possible. "I can't die. I am the pinnacle of the human race."

 

"That's not how you pronounce _delusional beyond all reason_."

 

He glared as Naminé laughed at her own joke. "Yeah, okay, talk your shit. But when you're old and wrinkled at eighty-five and I still look like the sexy god that sits before you today, don't say anything. Just know that I told you it would happen. I'd share my secret of eternal youth with you, but you're _mean_ so you can't have it," he said matter-of-factly, turning his nose up at her. It almost wasn't fair. Even when he was being dumb and childish, he was still adorable.

 

"Okay. When you get to college, don't call me in the middle of the night asking me how to cauterize a paper cut again."

 

He turned his head away, cheeks lighting up with bright red tint that was visible even in the darkness. "I thought that was what you were supposed to do…"

 

Naminé laughed, leaning over to wrap her arms around his right arm and rest her head on his shoulder. "It's okay. You can call me for any other reason."

 

"Promise you won't laugh if it's dumb?"

 

"I can't do that. You say some pretty dumb things," she laughed.

 

Again, Roxas rolled his eyes dramatically. "Whatever. The important thing is that I can call you. I'll send you lots of voicemails and pictures, and we can video chat until I pass out from exhaustion. And don't you dare ignore me because I'll be on the next flight over here." He paused to look down at her over his shoulder, expression caught between something peaceful and something painful. "But I'm really going to fucking miss you."

 

She returned to her own seat, but not before Roxas leaned over to kiss her forehead. The gesture made her smile.

 

Until it didn't.

 

Roxas didn't know what he was putting her through, she couldn't blame him for the way she was feeling. It was just frustrating and annoying to spend practically every day with the person you loved so much and have to watch them behave as if they didn't know it. Because they _didn't_ know it. Naminé had decided that she would tell him how she felt at the end of the upcoming summer, but now she was running out of reasons to wait. If she could just have one moment with him where everything was out in the open, and she knew she could relax because he actually returned her feelings…

 

Maybe it was all the romance novels getting to her.

 

Maybe it was the never-ending daydream of him smiling and saying something dumb like it's about time you told me.

 

Maybe it was just plain insanity.

 

But she had to do it. She _had_ to.

 

"Can I tell you something?" she blurted before she lost her nerve. "It's kind of serious, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't joke about it."

 

He offered her an easy smile that nearly made her heart melt. "When have I ever turned down having a serious conversation with you?"

 

Right. As much as he liked to tease her about being so emotional, he always took her seriously whenever she asked him to. That only made her more confident in her decision to tell him now. He deserved to know before he went off to college, right?

 

"I really like you, Roxas."

 

The blond laughed, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Of course you do. I'm amazing."

 

Typical Roxas. He wasn't getting it. He never seemed to get it.

 

"No, I-I mean…"

 

On the outside, she looked as cool as ever. She looked like the girl that could let insults and rude comments roll right off her back without so much as a grimace, but she was never that girl. That was just the face she showed the world so that she would appear unbothered. She called it her Absent Face.

 

The car went silent as he slowly, slowly caught on to what she was trying to say. Even the radio—which had a tendency to turn off and on by itself like a mood swing—had gone quiet. She didn't need to look at him to know that the playful atmosphere that was once there had changed into something tense and angry. The shift could be felt, and she expected the absolute worst. There was a tiny voice in the back of her head screaming at her that she should have kept her mouth shut. Roxas was her best friend, her next door neighbor, the older brother she had always wanted, the boyfriend she'd never gotten. He was her everything, and she was about to lose him because she couldn't keep it together for just a little longer.

 

"No."

 

As mentioned before, she expected rejection. That was why she had kept it in for so long. Never mind that he was the popular, attractive senior that every good high school romance story seemed to have. Naminé was just his weird friend. Why wouldn't he reject her? Why did she even say anything? All those years of hiding her feelings were wasted. For nothing.

 

" _No_ ," he spoke in a much more firm voice as he gently shook his head. The blonde could only see it out of her peripheral vision because she would definitely vomit if she looked at him directly. Her stomach turned, her palms began to sweat, and her heart started skipping beats. What had she done?

 

"You don't get to do this to me, Naminé. Not again."

 

Again? Her brows pinched together in confusion as she turned to him, but refrained from meeting his eye. Anything but his eyes. They were always the most intense thing about him. "What are you talking about?"

 

"I—never mind. I'm taking you home," he muttered as he roughly twisted the key in the ignition to start the car.

 

That was odd. It wasn't like him to avoid confrontation. That was more of her style, and he was always the one to force her to talk. It made her angry. He couldn't just swap personalities with her all of a sudden. "Look, it took a lot of courage for me to come out and say that. The least you could do is explain yourself."

 

"Explain my—?!" He laughed, allowing his lips to peel back over his teeth in a half smile, half snarl. He looked like he was having a mental breakdown. "I don't have to explain _anything_. I didn't ask you to tell me that. So whatever you're feeling right now is your own damn fault."

 

Naminé didn't understand where the sudden animosity had come from. Then again, she probably deserved it. After all these years of putting up with her mood swings and breakdowns, this was the thing that had finally driven him over the edge. His past actions made so much sense now: the way he brushed off what felt like major issues to her, the way he started disappearing in her times of need. She needed too much and she depended on him _too much_. That was probably the real reason he had taken her to a park in the middle of the night; he had planned to drop her as a friend. She made it easier by giving him a reason to explode.

 

There was no point in arguing with him about it. _Everyone_ left eventually.

 

"Sorry, I guess."

 

Naminé fought back tears as she stared out of the window. The city looked so beautiful at night, but her blurred vision wouldn't allow her to enjoy the lights and the surrounding scenery. It looked like a brightly colored mess. Sadly, she could relate.

 

Neither of them said a word on the way back to her house, but the radio did turn back on with an ironically happy song halfway there. It was a love ballad, as if the radio itself knew what had just transpired between them and was now mocking her. That was just how her life was. Failure, rejection, humiliation, despair, rinse and repeat. And no, she wasn't being melodramatic like her mother often insisted. If she even knew half of the stuff that went on when she was at school, she would have homeschooled her years ago like Naminé had begged her to. She would always resent her mother for forcing her through those three years of hell. Roxas eventually turned the music off, and they rode in silence once again.

 

He didn't even pull into the driveway like he usually did when they arrived; he pulled up to the curb and let the car idle instead. There was no see you later, Sunshine. He didn't say a single word to her. That was how she knew he was just going to disappear like everyone else had.

 

The emotionally exhausted blonde snatched her seatbelt off and power walked to her front door to keep him from seeing her tears. Roxas' car sped off down the street before she even made it halfway across the yard, letting her know that he planned to go to his cousin's house instead of just going home. He couldn't even stand to be on the same street as her? Now he was mad at her and probably hated her. Things would never go back to the way they were.

 

She stumbled into the house, quietly made her way up to her room, and fell onto her bed face first. She landed awkwardly on her phone, which reminded her that it probably needed to be charged. As soon as she clicked on the screen, she realized she shouldn't have even looked at it. Or maybe she shouldn't have had a picture of Roxas and his gorgeous smile as her lock screen photo. Didn't make any sense to keep it there now. He wasn't coming back and his actions made that very clear.

 

Her hands trembled as she removed the picture and replaced it with a generic wallpaper, deleted all pictures of him from her phone, and blocked his number so that she wasn't tempted to contact him and beg for his friendship like she had done to so many other people. She would never put herself through that humiliation again.

 

Without his number in her phone, the device was useless now. He was the only person she talked to.

 

* * *

 

Naminé was sat beneath the large tree in her backyard with a book from the school's library in her hands. She had finished all of her homework at lunch just so she could be able to come home and devote her entire weekend to her one true love: reading.

 

"Is that the same book from yesterday?"

 

She shook her head and flipped the page. "No, I finished that," she mumbled distractedly.

 

"Already? It was like forty-five chapters!"

 

The bookworm smiled to herself. Roxas was a really slow reader, and was always amazed by how fast she could get through her novels. He didn't even want to read when he was around her because he got embarrassed. Even though she had told him countless times before that there was no reason for him to be ashamed, he would always roll his eyes and change the subject.

 

Roxas frowned. "How many books do you have left to read?"

 

"Six."

 

He sighed. She giggled, then turned another page. He sort of reminded her of the love interest in her book: kind of dopey, kind of adorable, seemingly hand-crafted into a bundle of perfection and neatly gift wrapped for the female protagonist. Except Naminé found it annoying how said female protagonist kept ignoring his advances and brushing off his flirting as friendly jokes. It was so painfully obvious that he was into her. Why couldn't she just open her eyes and accept what he was trying to offer her? Her actions were practically killing him and it was ripping Naminé's heart out to read it. Yet and still, she couldn't put the book down to save her life.

 

Another more dramatic sigh caught her attention as she felt her best friend "casually" lay between her legs and rest his head in her lap. That meant he wanted something, but she was busy. The only thing she was worried about was the wind, and hoped it would pick up soon. The last thing she wanted was to have their sweaty skin touching.

 

Suddenly, the book went flying out of her hands as he sighed even louder and even more dramatically. Naminé blinked in surprise, then glared down at the pouty blond boy who was trying hard not to laugh beneath her. His sapphire eyes were full of playfulness and she didn't want to deal with it. It had been a stressful week and she didn't feel like play fighting or wrestling with him. "Did you really have to slap my book out of my hands?"

 

"Yes. Pay attention to me," he whined.

 

"What do you want?!"

 

"Attentionnnn!"

 

Sometimes she wondered which of them was really the oldest in their odd duo. Roxas could be such a child sometimes, although he would never let his other friends know that. Whenever he was around them, he turned into this suave, "panty-dropping" asshole that she didn't recognize. She couldn't stand the smirking and the winking and the flirting. That wasn't the real him. He was only putting up a front for those idiots.

 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to quell her anger before she grabbed her book and hit him with it. It took a great deal of effort, but she was able to force a smile. Her eyes probably still held the same feelings of irritation, annoyance, and impatience—not that she cared to hide it from him. "Hi Roxas."

 

"Hey Sunshine," he cooed, grinning wide and showing off all of his teeth. They would have been perfect if he didn't have that tiny chip in his front tooth from that nasty skateboard wipe out back in middle school. No one seemed to notice it, but that was because she was the only one of his friend's that knew what his teeth looked like before the accident.

 

"Can I get back to my book now?" Naminé asked, covering her words with faux sweetness.

 

"No. You've been ignoring me all week and I demand five days worth of affection _right now_."

 

Naminé blinked. Was that really how he saw it? Had she been so busy with midterms that she had neglected her best friend? In her defense, she thought she was just giving him space to study for his midterms. "I have?"

 

He gave an affirmative hum and nodded. The sadness in his eyes, though very small, was very real and very hard to ignore. Didn't he know by now that he couldn't hide that from her?

 

"Roxy…" Naminé melted as she leaned down at an awkward and uncomfortable angle so she could pepper his cheek with kisses. "I'm sorry. I thought you needed to study."

 

"Pft. Why study when I have people who will sell me the answers? I bought forty dollars' worth of answer sheets. There's no way I was going to fail."

 

Roxas had a whole cheating ring operation going on at school. Someone would steal the answers from the teacher and someone else took the test first to make sure those answers weren't some kind of bait. Then Roxas would buy the answers for the test and sell them to dumb underclassmen who didn't realize that the tests were different per grade level.

 

It was…kind of funny to say that she and Roxas were only a grade apart, but now he was considered an upperclassmen and she wasn't.

 

"I forgot you had a system, you cheater," she smirked as she hit him upside the head.

 

"I forgot you were such a buzzkill, you… _buzzkill_."

 

Naminé laughed as she leaned back against the tree, absently threading her fingers through his spiked hair. "Very articulate. Put that on your application next year and Harvard will be begging on their knees for you. You won't even need a scholarship."

 

"Ha ha. That was so funny that I forgot to laugh."

 

"But you did laugh."

 

His face dropped as he realized what he'd done. "Damn it…"

 

The blonde giggled almost uncontrollably, and soon enough, he did the same. No matter what face he put on for his other friends, it would never change the fact that he was a massive dipwad. "You should really stop challenging me, Roxy."

 

"Never. I'll get you one day."

 

Yeah. Maybe when she was old and senile. "Sure you will."

 

* * *

 

Naminé stuffed her books into her locker as quickly as she could. Monday morning had arrived and she was on edge because she felt like everyone was staring at her, whispering about her, and judging her for something she had recently done. Did Roxas tell his friends about what happened? If so, she would be mortified. Those guys could spread rumors faster than anyone. She hoped her fears were only fears—it would really suck to be betrayed like this. Just because they weren't friends anymore didn't mean he could embarrass her and make her look like a fool in front of everyone.

 

She realized she was jumping to conclusions again and forced herself to breathe deeply. Who knows, maybe he just wanted to keep everything to himself and not talk about it.

 

As she closed her locker, she noticed Roxas a little further down the hall. He was smirking and laughing with his friends as if nothing had happened. Of course he would. They couldn't know he had real feelings; they'd probably make fun of him for being a "girl." She'd asked him several times why he remained friends with them because, obviously, they didn't care about him. They only cared about what he could do for them. Each time she asked, he would get extremely defensive and talk about them like they were such good people. How could someone defend the same people they constantly complained about and not want to do anything about it?

 

Their eyes met. His smirk dripped off of his features like water on a window as he quickly averted his gaze. At that point, she was aware that he was purposely avoiding looking at her again, but was paying attention out of the corner of his eye. It hurt, and it hurt a lot…but she couldn't say she was surprised. If he wanted to leave, she wasn't going to chase him.

 

Her Absent Face slipped into place as she grabbed her bag from the floor and pulled the strap over her shoulder. Coming to school wasn't the hard part, it was facing Roxas, or rather facing life without him. She would have to deal with the fact that the one person she honestly believed would stay in her life forever had left. She forced herself to inhale deeply as she started down the hallway, trying to convince herself that everything would be fine. One of her old teachers used to lecture the entire class about the power of positive thinking all the time. All she had to do was keep positive thoughts in her head. Right?

 

Time seemed to slow as Naminé walked past Roxas' group of friends with her head held high in faux confidence. There was no _Hi Roxas_ , no _Hey Sunshine_ , nothing. After she'd passed his group, she heard a loud, metallic bang that silenced the entire hall for a couple of seconds. Naminé didn't dare look back. She kept her eyes straight until she made it to her first period class. Surprisingly in one piece. She quickly maneuvered through the desks and sat at her assigned seat. Despite being on the verge of another messy mental breakdown, she considered herself to be okay.

 

"You okay?"

 

Her heart, which had been beating practically a million miles a minute, had crashed into her stomach without warning. Naminé peered up at his sad smile through her bangs, letting the hot touch of panic envelope her from head to toe. He had been trying to talk to her all last week, and without Roxas to text her throughout the entire period, she was forced to actually pay attention to him. She didn't have the strength to ignore him by herself.

 

"Fine," she spoke calmly, turning her head away from him. The bell rang, and an adult that she didn't recognize strolled into the room and addressed them by a surname she wasn't familiar with. They had a substitute, who most likely wouldn't force them to do a bit of work. Fantastic. Now she really couldn't avoid him.

 

He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. She frowned, but refused to look at him as he placed his cold hand atop hers on top of the desk. I see you're still anemic, she thought bitterly. "I can still tell when you're not fine, you know. Talk to me, Nam."

 

She honestly, truly didn't want to say a single word to him. There was absolutely no reason for him to even want to be in her business…but she needed to get it all out. Her mom probably wouldn't take her seriously, she couldn't talk to Roxas about Roxas, and there was no one else she trusted. Granted, she couldn't trust this guy either, but there was something about the way he looked at her that made her want to. If he made fun of her for this, then she would just accept it and move on. How much more embarrassed could she get?

 

"I finally told him…"

 

* * *

 

A pair of freezing cold hands covered her eyes from behind. "Guess," he whispered. She didn't even have to. He was the only dork that did that to her.

 

"If it's the grim reaper, take me. I've been ready for a while now."

 

"Oh _wow_ , that was morbid," he laughed as he removed his hands. Naminé smiled as she turned to face him. He smiled down at her, and she took in his appearance for the thousandth time: teal eyes narrowed in their usual smoldering gaze, silver hair spilling over his shoulders from beneath his winter cap, flawless cheeks reddened from the vicious bite of the December wind. Grinning like a fool, she stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. She loved this guy openly, honestly, and unapologetically. Unlike with a certain blond doofus, she didn't have to be ashamed of how she felt about him or hide her feelings and that was exciting.

 

"You know me," she shrugged as he leaned down to give her a kiss so sweet that it threatened his precious jerk-jock status. Not that he cared. Their lips met, and she couldn't stop herself from giggling against his. Moments like these were almost too good to be true. She rarely ever got to kiss him at school because there was always a crowd. Now that they were alone…

 

" _I_ know you," another voice chimed in as the sound of snow crunching beneath heavy shoes hit their ears and brought them down from their love cloud. It _was_ too good to be true. She absolutely hated having her time with him interrupted. "Hey Sunshine…Riku."

 

Riku offered him a polite head nod, but kept his mouth shut. The tension between them was so thick that it was almost unbearable. She desperately hoped that Roxas would behave himself and not pick a fight with him. Things were calm now. Things were _great_ now.

 

She muttered a shy _Hi Roxas_ , not liking the way his eyes sparkled with mischief. He was up to something and she silently pleaded with him not to do anything stupid. He surprised her by offering her his arm with a calm smile. "Come on. I'm walking you home today."

 

Riku narrowed his eyes and drew himself up to his full height. Naminé almost panicked at the sight. "Wait a minute, _I'm_ her boyfriend—"

 

"Mm, good for you. Come _on_ , Naminé."

 

"She's walking home with _me_. Right, Naminé?"

 

Now both boys were looking at her as if they expected her to choose who she would be walking home with on the spot. Why did they always do this to her? No, why did Roxas have to act this way? It wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to Riku. He had asked first.

 

Naminé reached a hand out to Riku for comfort. Or security. Whichever he could provide in that moment, she would gratefully accept. He took it with a triumphant smile, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "I'll just walk home with Riku today. We can walk together tomorrow."

 

"But Sunshi—"

 

"He has to talk to me about something important anyway," she lied. It wasn't that she wanted him to go away; she didn't want him acting like a jerk around her boyfriend again. Roxas knew just how much she cared about Riku and he was being blatantly disrespectful.

 

What made his actions seem worse was the fact that she knew he acted out because he was jealous. He'd shamelessly admitted to it on several occasions and told her he didn't want her around him because it felt like Riku was _stealing his best friend_ . Not only did he hate the guy for reasons unknown, but he had this crazy idea that Riku purposely took up all of her time and tried to get her to blow him off on purpose. Truthfully, she didn't spend _enough_ time with Riku. If anybody had any reason to be jealous, it would be him. A good forty-five percent of their plans got cancelled so that she could spend time doing nothing with Roxas.

 

And she had a sneaking suspicion that Riku knew why.

 

Roxas frowned. It wasn't his regular frown, but one laced with malice and bad intentions. "You're choosing him over me?"

 

"It's not like that at all," she tried to explain. She already felt horrible for lying to him. Why did he have to make it worse? "Riku and I just have to talk."

 

"About what?" he hissed.

 

"I-I…er…"

 

"None of your business," Riku spat, gently pushing Naminé behind him as he took a step forward. "You've got a real bad habit of overstepping Naminé's boundaries and forcing your way into our relationship. If she doesn't want to walk home with you, then that's that. Be a good friend and respect her wishes."

 

"Fuck you. You are the last goddamn person that should be talking to me about being a "good friend" after the shit you pulled." He returned his icy glare to Naminé, looking absolutely disgusted with her. "Forget it. _Choose_ him over me. It's not like I needed your help or anything."

 

Her eyes widened in horror. She didn't know Roxas needed her. "That's not fair. If you needed me, why didn't you just say so?"

 

"I shouldn't have to. You claim you know me like the back of your hand, but you suddenly forget how I act when I want to talk to you about something important? And let's not talk about fair, Naminé. You're always with this guy when I need you. You think that's fair to me?" He paused, scoffing as he shook his head. "You know, I heard friends always leave you hanging when they get into a relationship, but I thought you were better than that. Congratulations, you're just like everybody else."

 

She _hadn't_ left him. She would never leave him. Had she really been neglecting him for Riku? It was…possible that she was spending too much time with him. God, she was being so selfish. Of course he needed her. "I'm sorry. I am _so_ sorry. You can walk me home. Let's go."

 

"No. I'm fine. I'll go talk to Olette."

 

Her heart shattered as he started towards the front gate, where his friends appeared to be waiting for him. They talked for a while, cast curious glances her way, then exited the lot. Tears rushed to her eyes as she contemplated running after him. She hadn't meant to hurt him or abandon him in his time of need. "I'm sorry," she whispered to no one.

 

"You have nothing to be sorry for, babe. Don't buy into that crap," Riku spoke gently.

 

"I hurt him. I hurt him and I keep on hurting him for no reason. Why do I always mess everything up?"

 

Riku pulled her into his arms and held her. "You didn't do anything wrong. He just manipulated you into feeling bad for not doing what he wants you to do because he's a child. Don't baby him. You're not his mother."

 

"No, but his actual mother is sick," she argued, reaching up to wipe the escapee tears from her face. "He's been feeling terrible about it for months and I should have been there for him but I wasn't…"

 

Riku gently lifted her head so that he could properly see into her eyes. She hated it when he did that. Her crying face was so ugly and she never wanted him or anyone else to see it. "Listen to me. Roxas is manipulating you. And you're so blind to it that he doesn't even have to put any real effort into it to bring you to tears. He's playing with your emotions to get what he wants, and if you go after him and beg for his forgiveness, you'll be giving it to him. I guarantee he'll come crawling back to you with some sob story within the hour to make you pity him."

 

Naminé wrapped her arms around her boyfriend, tucked her head beneath his chin where it belonged, and silently prayed that he was right. Not about the manipulation, but about him coming back. She didn't want to lose him after everything they had been through. "You really think he'd do that to me?"

 

"I know for a fact that he _is_ doing that to you."

 

She sniffed, wiping her face again with her sleeve. "How do I get him to stop?"

 

"Ignore it and stand your ground. Show him that there are consequences for his actions, and that he can't get away with manipulating you anymore."

 

In a way, Riku was absolutely right.

 

A couple of hours after she had gotten home, the door to her room opened just a crack. She could see a single sapphire peek through. Riku's words echoed in her head as she let her Absent Face slip into place. There would be no _Hi Roxas_ today, not after she'd received several passive-aggressive texts about how bad of a friend she was. She returned her attention to her computer.

 

The door creaked open all the way, then shut loudly. Her skin began to crawl as his boots thudded against the floor, increasing in volume as he approached the bed. She thought she was going to throw up; she thought she was going to get yelled at and lose another friend. Neither happened. Instead, he closed her laptop and took it away from her.

 

"What are you doing?" she asked, voice as dead as her expression.

 

Roxas carefully placed it onto the dresser beside her bed, then sat in front of her. His eyes were puffy and his face was completely flushed. It looked as if he had been crying. "I'm sorry, Sunshine. I didn't…mean any of that stuff I said."

 

She swallowed hard. Naminé had never "stood her ground" with him before, so it took every ounce of her strength not to blurt out _I forgive you_. Roxas was used to living however he wanted to with her eagerly giving him whatever he desired, despite how it made her feel. Riku had made a lot of sense. It wasn't good for her to keep appeasing him. She had feelings too, and he had no right to walk all over them.

 

And yet she couldn't help but feel relief upon realizing she hadn't completely pushed him away. "Why would you say that to me in the first place?"

 

He shook his head and chuckled softly, though he didn't appear the slightest bit amused. "I've been trying to tell you what happened all week, but you've been so busy with _him_ that I never got the chance. And I'm not…" His voice cracked as a couple of tears fell from his bottom lid. He was visibly shaken. Naminé hadn't even realized what a mess he was until then: unkempt hair, irritated blotches on his usually clear face, a wrinkled tee, and some old joggers that he swore he would never wear again. The guilt had come back tenfold.

 

He sucked in a breath before continuing. "I'm not blaming you or anything. He's your boyfriend, and you've asked me to respect that a million times. And I do. I just really needed you today. I need you _now_."

 

Her throat tightened as she watched him bury his fingers in his hair and pull. He looked as if he were barely holding it together. She could see his sanity slipping away the longer he sat in front of her, and she feared for the worst. "What's wrong?"

 

"Mom," he sniffed. "She…they said she had _months_. I was supposed to go visit her Friday, but I played in that stupid football game instead and I…"

 

Realization hit her hard as Roxas broke down into sobs. Naminé quickly gathered him in her arms and held him tight. His mother had been diagnosed with cancer several years ago, and had been rapidly declining in health despite all the treatments she'd gone through. It was true that the doctors told them she had a few more months to live, so why did she go so suddenly? How? Two more months wasn't enough time to say goodbye when you were expecting to have eight.

 

Naminé squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to pour all the love she had in her heart into him so it wouldn't have to hurt so much. "I am so sorry for not being there. I should have known something was wrong the moment you lashed out at me."

 

"It's not your fault," he mumbled almost incoherently, choking through half of his syllables. She rocked him gently and kissed his forehead repeatedly in a weak attempt to calm him down. He started to hyperventilate at one point, and she had to tell him to breathe before he passed out.

 

Roxas had never cried that hard in his life. Not even as a child.

 

He eventually calmed down some time after the sun had set. It took his voice to finally going out before he could begin to collect himself. By then, the collar of her shirt was already thoroughly soaked in tears, sweat, and a fair amount of snot, but she didn't care. It seemed like a trivial thing to be worried about at a time like that.

 

"I'm sorry," he rasped. "For everything I said. I'm a piece of shit and I don't deserve to have you as a friend."

 

"Hush, Roxas. None of that matters right now."

 

He exhaled, sniffling again to clear his nose. "I'm not a good person."

 

Naminé shrugged. "Are any of us really good or bad people? We're all just trying to get along the best way we know how. You made a mistake and I forgive you. As long as you forgive me for not realizing you needed me sooner."

 

Roxas offered her a smile, although it was weak. "I do, and I'm so grateful for your forgiveness. You're the only person I can be open and honest with because you're the only one who cares. I've had to hold that in for a whole week because I couldn't bear to hear _damn, that sucks_ from the guys."

 

"That's because they don't care. They only want a fun time with you."

 

"No, they're just…I wouldn't expect them to know how to handle me." Naminé rolled her eyes. He always defended them. "But you do. You know me so well and you make me so happy. It was dumb of me to expect you to know I was in pain. I've treated you like shit today and I'm really sorry."

 

"Stop apologizing. It's okay, I promise."

 

A comfortable silence settled over them as she held him. Although he wasn't sobbing anymore, he still trembled like mad. He only seemed to stop during the few seconds that she would spare to kiss different parts of his face. Eventually, he fell asleep. Naminé struggled to gently lay him down and tuck him beneath her sheets like he had done for her several times in the past. His brow pinched together in his sleep, and he occasionally whimpered and fidgeted, but she was there through it all.

 

That was when she realized she couldn't lie to herself anymore.

 

"I really love you," she smiled as she brushed his hair out of his face. She had expected to feel better after saying that, but was instead filled with guilt. She felt like she had betrayed Riku. She knew she had.

 

* * *

 

 "I love you more, Sunshine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) hopeless fountain kingdom is an album by Halsey. The reason it isn't capitalized is because Halsey stated that leaving the title in lowercase letters is very important.
> 
> For those of you who have made it this far:
> 
> The reason I added "fragmented" to the title is because the story is broken up into different parts and scattered around. The story is set up like this: Present/Past/Present/Past. The present story line is in chronological order, but the past events are not. The more you read the story, the more you find out about events and characters. It all comes together at the end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter mentions self harm, attempted self harm, and describes a severe panic attack.

Naminé knew that the afternoon would be extremely uncomfortable for her. Reason number one was because of the weather. The meteorologist had accurately predicted that the temperature would be in the high nineties for most of the day, and she had no desire to roll up her long sleeves; two: she wouldn't be riding home with Roxas anymore; three: a certain someone had offered to give her a ride in his place.

It felt extremely odd to walk up to his car after everything that had happened. She had only been in it once and that was right before they had broken up. She looked around the lot and didn't see Roxas' car. Good. The last thing she needed was for him to see her with Riku again and get jealous.

Then again, he probably wouldn't get jealous anymore. He hated her.

The car door emitted that annoying pinging sound as she and Riku opened their respective doors, but it didn't stop until the driver's door was shut tight. He sighed, holding his keys tight in his hand as he hid his eyes beneath his silver bangs. His hair was shorter now; she remembered that he'd chopped most of it off last year.

"Well," Riku sighed. "There's no one else here. You can say what you want to say now."

Naminé stared down at her hands as they sat in her lap. "I've practically gotten everything out already. What else could you want to know?"

There was silence, except for the mad pounding of her heart against her ribcage echoing in her ears. What did he expect to get out of this? Why was he even concerned about what she was feeling? He wasn't supposed to care.

He wet his lips, clearly hesitating. "Did you ever really care about what I did? I know that what I did was wrong and I'm not trying to justify it in any way, but did it matter to you?"

She nodded. It wasn't hard to blow everything out of proportion like she had, but she couldn't say she hadn't been hurt at all. Naminé cared for him deeply, but he would always be number two. Looking back, they were both at fault and had purposely hurt one another once things got too tough for them. "I was more hurt by what you said than what you did, but I was still kind of happy to leave."

Riku sighed again. "I'm really sorry. There was no reason for me saying that _awful_ shit to you. I just…I had never personally known anybody that did what you did. It was scary, and I wasn't ready to accept scary into my reality back then. I started seeing and feeling things I never thought I would after we broke up and I…I think I understand now. And I hate myself for leaving you to deal with that by yourself. You have every right to hate me too, but I truly am sorry. You didn't deserve that."

His apology was genuine. Sincere. Naminé knew they both just wanted the whole thing to be over with. Instead of actually listening, they had both reacted, overreacted, and run away from the problem while they demonized one another to make themselves feel better. It worked for a while, but it had gotten old. She was tired of holding a grudge against him. It wasn't right, and he wasn't the villain she had made him out to be whenever she would vent to Roxas.

"Do you still—?"

" _No_ ," she answered quickly. "Roxas made me stop when he found out about it," she mumbled, picking with the hem of her sleeve so she didn't have to look up at him.

"Great. Now I feel even more disgusted with myself," he scoffs. "Even still, it makes me really happy to hear that you've stopped. I've been wondering about that ever since… Seifer."

Naminé didn't want to talk about him. Ever. Riku might have been an ass to her, but Seifer was _actually_ the devil. She'd spent many nights wishing that he would suddenly choke on his food and die a painful death. "Can we not mention him, please?"

"Right. Sorry."

"It's fine. And I should probably say that I'm sorry too. You didn't deserve to be caught up in that ridiculous love triangle. I really did love you, though. I never lied about that."

Riku pushed a hand through his hair, looking extremely relieved. "I appreciate that," he smiled. It didn't last very long because soon he was frowning again. "So…I hate to switch topics so abruptly, but he just flat out rejected you like that? Just said no and dropped you off?"

A bitter smile spread across her lips. "Actually, he told me that I "don't get to do this to him again" and then he got hostile when I tried to get him to explain what that meant. He can't even look at me anymore. God, why did I have to open my big, stupid mouth?"

He huffed. "Seriously? Naminé, he's manipulating you. Again. You can't keep taking the blame for that dickhead and his mood swings. It's not your fault he's crazy."

"He is not _crazy_ , this is legitimately my fault. The whole dynamic of our friendship has changed. I mean, if there is even a friendship left at this point, which I highly doubt. He has to look at the girl he once saw as his best friend every day and think about how she has feelings for him now. I didn't think about how he felt before I told him that. I could have…I…I should have—!"

"Done exactly what you did," he spoke softly. "Look at me, Naminé."

That was what she had been trying to avoid doing. She reluctantly turned her head towards him. (Riku was the type to grab her chin and turn her head for her and she did _not_ want to be touched right now.) His expression was serious, and she almost felt as if she were being scolded by an adult. "The boy is throwing a tantrum because he likes you too, but you didn't catch on fast enough."

She stared at him in disbelief. There was pain and regret in his eyes, but also brutal honesty. But how was she supposed to believe that? That was just Riku's silly little opinion. He sure had a lot of them and wasn't afraid to share them with anyone. "No he doesn't. Roxas definitely would have told me something like that."

" _I'm_ telling you he does. Roxas has liked you since middle school—"

"That's not even possible," she frowned, stomping on the small inkling of hope that threatened to resurrect itself. Hope, much like karma, was a fickle bitch that normally caused more pain and suffering than it did joy. In her case, anyway. "You don't know him as well as I do, Riku. He would have done something about it long before now if he liked me. He's not the type to sit around and wait for girls to come to him."

"Or maybe he _has_ done something about it, but your slow ass didn't pick up on it. It took you forever to realize I was asking you out on a date and not just a friendly outing."

Her cheeks warmed as she averted her gaze. She wasn't _that_ slow to catch on, and that wasn't her fault. Why couldn't people just be direct with her? Throwing hints at people was lame and time consuming. If he would have just said he wanted to go out on a date with her in the first place…

Naminé shook her head. "It's really not that hard to just ask someone out. You're the one who said people should just clearly state what they want in all situations."

"Okay, I was a stupid little freshman who hadn't experienced any serious emotions yet. I was on my high horse and still thinking exactly like my parents wanted me to," Riku laughed. "You were right, though. Expressing your emotions isn't easy. Asking people out is _not_ easy."

A small smile formed as she tilted her head to the side just a bit. Things had gone south in the past, but it had been both of their faults. Maybe now that they were older and a bit more mature, they could try again?

"Do you want to go on a date, Riku?"

He rolled his eyes. "That doesn't count because you're not really asking me."

"I actually am," she chuckled. It was weak and exhausted, but still audible. "It's not like you have to worry about Roxas' jealousy problems anymore."

Riku frowned, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow like the stupid, attractive metrosexual that he was. "What am I, your rebound?"

"…Would you be mad if I said yes?" she grimaced.

His frown melted into a ghost of a smile. "At least we're being straight up with one another this time."

* * *

One of the worst feelings in the world is being in a bad mood, but not really knowing for sure what the cause of it is. All Naminé knew was that she was extremely irritated for no good reason. Roxas was over, and she could tell her bad mood was spreading to him like a deadly virus. He, of course, wouldn't show it in his face, but an icy edge would slip into his voice every now and again and make her feel even worse for ruining his day. She had practically begged him to reschedule his plans with his friends and hang out with her. The least she could do was be grateful instead of sitting and pouting about God-knows-what.

"One for me…" Roxas suddenly spoke as he plucked a perfectly popped kernel out of the bowl of popcorn they were supposed to be sharing, tossed it in the air, and caught it in his mouth. Naminé always thought that was impressive. "And one for you," he smirked as he threw the next one at her. It hit her on the nose, and she tried her best not to snap at him. He was only doing this because she was getting on his nerves and he wanted some type of revenge.

Either that or he was trying to make her laugh. If so, it wasn't working.

"One for me." He executed another impressive toss, and a soft crunch followed. "And one for _you_."

This time, it hit her in the eye. Some of the excess salt Roxas had sprinkled on it earlier got inside of her eye and started to burn. She screamed as her hands flew to her eye in an attempt to wipe the pain away. "Roxas!" she hissed, rubbing furiously.

"That did _not_ hurt you. Don't be so dramatic..."

"The _salt!_ " she whimpered as she scrubbed her eye with the heel of her palm, her arm, anything to alleviate the pain. That was probably the wrong thing to do, but the pain was so sudden and intense that she didn't have time to think rationally and run to a sink. All she could do was wipe, wipe, wipe and hope her eye was watering enough to wash it out. She swore softly, voice cracking pathetically. The pain was getting to her, but she didn't want to cry. It was a tiny pebble of salt in the eye for crying out loud. There were people in the hospital with broken bones and missing limbs. She should have been able to handle this.

"Let me see." Naminé jerked away from him when he tried to pry her hands from her eye. Why in the world would she want him anywhere near her eye when he was the cause of the pain? Despite that, he persisted. "Rubbing it like that is only going to make it worse. Let me _see_ ," Roxas hissed.

Reluctantly, she pulled her hands away and tried to open her eye. It still burned, especially when Roxas used his thumb to pry her bottom lid open more. It didn't help that the A/C was on full blast as well. That only made it feel like it was drying out. "What does it look like?"

"It's really red. You need to flush it out. Come here…"

The blond pair went to the bathroom, where Roxas forced her to hold her eye open and run cool water in it. It felt much better after the flush, though she could see in the mirror that the redness wasn't going away—probably from all the rubbing she'd done. Sighing, she leaned against the sink and lowered her head. If only she could flush out her brain and get the same relief. Her thoughts would surely poison the rest of her if she didn't get them under control soon.

"What's up with you today? You're being all…I don't know, sad? Mad? What's the problem?" Roxas asked.

She peered up at his reflection as he stood behind her. His tone was light and playful, but the usual grin he would have had on his face was missing. He looked genuinely concerned, confused, and upset by her behavior. It made her feel awful. She knew he cared, but how was she supposed to explain that she didn't know what was wrong with her? Nothing had upset her, nobody had insulted her that day, nothing reminded her of anything painful. She just felt awful. For no reason. If she told him that, he'd most likely think that she just wanted attention. All she truly wanted was answers. Maybe even a distraction.

"Nothing," she said. And to anyone else, she was sure it would have sounded convincing. Too bad Roxas wasn't anyone else.

The blond grimaced as he leaned forward and whispered, "Is it your lady problems?"

She nearly choked on her laugh. It was funny because he was dead serious. "That was last week, remember? You had to go buy me some—"

" _Ahhhhh_ , yeah, okay! I got it!" he screamed. She laughed again. For someone who claimed he hated talking about periods, Roxas sure inquired about hers a lot. This came up every time he thought she wasn't acting like her usual self.

Things quickly became awkward and uncomfortable when he stepped even closer to her and placed his hands on the counter, trapping her there. Her entire body stiffened as he did this. He only ever cornered her when he felt like she would walk away from him. "Is it school related?"

She shook her head. "No…"

"Home? Your dad again?"

"No."

"Did _I_ do something?"

" _No_."

"Damn it Naminé, what is it then? Tell me what's wrong," Roxas demanded. Maybe if he knew that the feeling of his breath on the back of her neck was scrambling all of her thoughts, he would take a couple of steps back and try asking again. It was bad enough that she had trouble putting her thoughts into words. Now he had to get really close and breathe on her like a creep. Because what he was doing was creepy, and _not_ slightly arousing. Nope. Not at all.

Damn it. Damn _him_.

"I'm fine, Roxy. Nothing is wrong. I'm just a bit more exhausted than usual."

Roxas inhaled deeply, then slowly pushed it out through his nose. "Can I be…uncomfortably honest with you right now?"

Her heart nearly stopped. She had no idea what he meant by that. However with that determined look in his eye, she knew that any negative response from her would only make him push harder for an answer. "Why not?"

His Adam's apple bobbed as he shifted his gaze. "I haven't been able to sleep well for a while now. Ever since you told me about…" His fingers inched beneath her loose sleeves, gliding from her wrists to her forearms. Every last one of her scars seemed to burn as he touched them. "It's kind of all I think about at night. The only time I can get any sleep is when I'm sleeping over here because then I know for sure that you won't do that to yourself."

Naminé squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her head in shame. "Don't you dare bring that up again. I clearly didn't want to talk about it the first time and I don't want to talk about it now."

"I _need_ to talk about it, Naminé. For my own sanity. We're best friends, and we've _been_ best friends our entire lives. When you don't tell me what's bothering you, it scares the shit out of me. I—" He choked on his words. When she glanced up, he avoided her eye in the mirror. "You mean the world to me. S-So just talk, okay? I can't stand to think that a fucking razor blade can comfort my best friend better than I can."

"It _can't_ ," she growled through clenched teeth. It wasn't about comfort. It had never been about comfort.

"Then _why?!_ " he shouted, slamming his hands down on the counter. She nearly jumped out of her skin, and had to cover her mouth to stop the frightened squeak from getting out. He immediately realized that his shouting wouldn't help and paused to take another breath. "Why? Help me understand why you're doing this. Please..."

She shook her head back and forth, hoping to physically shake the dark haze and self-destructive thoughts from her head. It didn't work, obviously. Hot tears flowed freely from over her bottom lid. He was too close. The room was shrinking around them and she needed to breathe, but he was too close. It felt like the room was getting smaller. "I need you to…t-to back up. I can't breathe."

"I'll move away when you tell me why you feel like you have to hurt yourself like that."

"I can't breathe..." she murmured again as the very last shred of calm that she had been clinging to slipped away from her. "I can't breathe, _I can't breathe!_ I-I feel like I have a friggin' allergy that constantly causes me to go into this…weird…anaphylactic shock where my throat closes and my chest gets too tight! That razor is my epi pen, Roxas! I don't want to do that any more but I _can't…_ "

Her words were replaced with the sounds of her shallow, ragged breathing, which sounded more like a death rattle than normal inhaling and exhaling. Roxas panicked and stumbled away as Naminé crumbled to her knees in front of the sink, desperately grasping for something to grab on to on the way down. Her vision was blurry and her limbs were going numb again, but she was still able to wrap her fingers around the handle of the cabinet drawer and pull it open.

She had to stop it all before she suffocated. Her heart wasn't even beating anymore, but fluttering faintly against her chest walls at a speed her body just couldn't handle.

Her weak hand fumbled around in her drawer until she found what she was looking for: a pair of dull scissors that no one really used anymore. It wasn't her razor, but it was _something_. Whatever she could get right now, she would take it.

" _No!"_ Her hand was seized just as she had clumsily pulled up her sleeve. Naminé tried hard to regain control of her arm and fight Roxas off with sloppily executed punches that wouldn't put a dent in a snowman, but he was putting up one hell of a fight for her. How dare he do this? Did he want her to sit there and suffer?

"Let go, Roxas _please!_ "

"Like hell I will!"

They fought over the scissors, but Naminé couldn't keep a solid hold on them in her weakened state. Roxas was able to work them from her grip and throw them across the room. When she tried to crawl for them, Roxas dove on top of her and pinned her in place. "Stop it! Fucking _stop!_ "

Her breathing worsened, making her panic even more and fight even harder. Roxas, however, kept her pinned to the bathroom floor. A sob escaped her lips as she repeated her mantra of _I can't breathe_ in her head, praying to whoever was listening that he would let her go. He didn't understand. He would never understand how much she needed those scissors. It wasn't self-harm, it was freedom. All he was doing was making her feel even more trapped than she did every day of her life.

Roxas buried his face into the side of her neck, keeping her arms pinned above her head as she cried. It sounded more like tortured screams in her own ears, which she found fitting. Now everything that she'd fought to keep inside was coming to the surface. Not because she wanted it to, but because she couldn't hold it in anymore. It was embarrassing. She never wanted him to see her break down like this.

That's when the thrashing started.

"Please stop, please stop, please stop," Roxas begged. "I-I love you. You don't have to hurt yourself anymore Nami, I'm here. I'm _here_ and I love you so much. Stop, Naminé, I swear to God!"

" _Get off of me_ ," she whispered through her tears. Her breathing was still out of control, but at least the awful croaking had stopped.

"No."

"Roxas—!"

"I said no! Damn it Nami, I love you way too fucking much to let you keep doing this! Scream, cry, do whatever the hell you need to do, but I'm not going anywhere until you promise me you're done with that!"

They stayed like that for the better part of an hour, with her trying to toss him off and him keeping a tight hold on her as he whispered sweet words into her ear. It was a terrifying experience for Naminé, but Roxas kept his word. No matter how much she screamed or cried or struggled, he kept her there. It felt like the agony would never end…until it did. What felt like three lifetimes later, the tightness in her chest eased up, her vision gradually returned to her, her limbs regained feeling, and she could finally breathe normally again. She greedily sucked in the air that once felt like it was being suctioned out of her lungs with an industrial vacuum.

Ever so slowly, Roxas loosened his grip on her wrists. She could see that his guard was still up because he expected her to fight him again. As if she had the strength to do such a thing. As she met his eye, she saw that they were puffy and red. The deep blue of his eyes contrasted against the redness in a frightening way. When had he even started crying? She opened her mouth to ask, but the words died in her throat as he fixed her with a look that she couldn't describe if she tried.

"Don't you _ever…_ " he hissed through his teeth, "do that again."

She cracked a half smile. "I'll think about it."

His face darkened even further, and her smile melted away. Joking at a time like that was definitely a bad idea.

"Don't get cute with me. I mean it."

"It's not like I can help it, Roxas," she frowned. Yeah, that was more appropriate for the situation. "You want to know why I cut? Because _that_ happens when I don't, and I can't control it. I need to get that out before it suffocates me. Normally, I'd do that until I pass out from hyperventilation."

Roxas' nostrils flared as he exhaled, and she could see a vein rise on the side of his neck. He was probably clenching his teeth like hell. His eyes scanned her face as if he were searching for something. She squirmed a bit, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Okay," he finally spoke. "How do I stop it?"

"You can't."

"Doesn't mean I can't try. Sure as hell doesn't mean that I won't. I promise I'll find a way to make it stop if you promise me you'll never cut yourself again because I can't handle that."

Naminé was in complete awe. Roxas, her best friend, her brother figure, her _crush_ had physically stopped her from harming herself and was now actively trying to find a solution for her because he cared. None of the other people who had stopped being friends with her had done that. None of them mattered; Roxas mattered. He was the only thing in her fucked up world that actually mattered. She loved him more than she loved herself, even though every romance novel she had ever read had warned her that such a thing was dangerous. That was completely irrelevant. Real life couldn't compare to printed words from somebody's overactive imagination. Roxas wasn't dangerous.

"Will you stay after seeing me this way…?"

He smirked, though it didn't reach his eyes. He was still very worried and afraid and it showed. "For the rest of my life."

She couldn't tell you why, but she believed him. Roxas wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "Then I promise. No…no more cutting," she said in a surprisingly strong voice.

An exhausted, but pleased sigh escaped him as he released her wrists. His eyes fluttered shut as he hung his head. He looked about as worn out as she felt. "You're one dope chick, you know that?"

Naminé forced a smile for his sake. Laughing required energy that she simply didn't have. "Thanks. You're a pretty "dope" guy yourself."

He grinned, pressing light kisses to her forehead. "In all seriousness…I love you, Sunshine."

She was too tired to take that as anything other than a familial kind of love. "I love you more."

He chuckled. "That's impossible."

They never brought up what happened that day in the bathroom. There was no need, since Roxas had confiscated all of her razor blades. Soon enough, she grew addicted to the proud sparkle that appeared in his eyes every time he checked her arms for new scars and found none. It kept her going.

But as everyone knows, one bad habit is usually replaced with another.

Roxas had become her bad habit.

* * *

"You brought me to an arcade for six year olds…?"

Riku frowned as the guy at the door stamped the back of his hand, then let him in. She had expected something a little more serious than this, considering she was with Riku: the super serious senior with a massive reputation to uphold. "At least I had an idea of where to go, Miss I-Didn't-Really-Think-About-The-Details. Don't shit on my plan because it's the best we can do."

Naminé's eyebrows shot up in amusement. "The best we can do? We literally could have gone for ice cream."

"Then why didn't you think of that when you had the chance?" Naminé opened her mouth to retort, but he cut her off. " _Too late_. I, for one, want to enjoy being a kid before the school year ends and I have to be an adult."

She rolled her eyes at his stupid, gorgeous grin, but didn't bother to argue with him any further. Instead, she followed him through the small arcade to a machine with flashing lights, a hoop, and a ton of miniature basketballs being held from everyone's reach by a small metallic bar. Riku looked absolutely ecstatic when he saw it. "How 'bout this?"

Meatheads and their sports, she laughed in her head. "You go ahead. I'll watch."

Shrugging, the senior put two tokens out of the cup he was given into the machine and pressed start. After a brief countdown, a loud buzzer sounded and the balls were released to him. Riku picked up the tiny basketballs and threw them in one after another without missing a single basket. He was like a well-oiled machine on autopilot. It wouldn't have been fair at all if he were playing against a child.

"How do you _do_ that?" Naminé asked as the buzzer sounded again and cut off his supply of basketballs.

He leaned down to collect the tickets the machine had noisily spat out. "Playing basketball for practically your whole life has its perks," he said, a smug expression taking over his face.

Riku was getting cocky. She couldn't let that happen. "Oh wait, I forgot this is a game for children," she smirked. "Anyone could do it."

The senior narrowed his eyes, letting a playful smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He was about to get all competitive on her and it was something she found strangely attractive. "Okay. Bet. We go until one of us quits, and the loser has to use their tickets to buy something for the winner."

"That's fine."

That was not fine.

It seemed like whenever it was her turn, everything went to shit. The balls would slip from her hands, bounce off of the rim, bounce off of the back wall, and she swore the entire hoop jumped a couple inches to the left that one time. The buzzer sounded again and again, but it was impossible for her to get more than one hundred and twenty-five points—which was the equivalent of successfully sinking five balls.

Sixty seconds wasn't enough time to get a decent score anyway…

Having Riku laugh when she made the exact same score and collected the same amount of tickets for the ninth time in a row did absolutely nothing to help her already low self-esteem. How was it that she couldn't get the hang of a game that was so simple that it was stupid? Was _she_ stupid?

"Give up?"

She blew out an aggravate breath, folding her arms tightly over her chest. "I think we should find another game that you can't cheat at."

"Are you serious?" Riku laughed. "Do I look like a cheater to y—?" Both of their smiles drained away, identical looks of horror replacing them. That was a really poor choice of words. She hoped things didn't get awkward and uncomfortable.

"I've…been playing basketball all my life. I don't need to use underhanded tricks to win," he quickly amended.

Naminé exhaled her relief. He always knew how to fix things. "There is no way you can compare real basketball to this. It doesn't work the same. You probably come here to practice in your free time or something."

He looked away, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I might have come here a lot in the past because my cousins have birthday parties here—"

"And that's cheating!"

"—but that doesn't mean anything. My hand-eye is exceptional and you probably have…astigmatism or something."

If she did, that would explain a hell of a lot. Her throwing skills were nonexistent, and she couldn't even catch a hint, let alone any physical object that was thrown at her. "You're probably…not wrong."

He laughed, but it sounded a lot more endearing than it did teasing. "Are you really that bad or are you just trying to get me to "show you" how to throw?"

Naminé deadpanned. "You mean people seriously pretend to be bad at things for male attention?" she asked. Sucking at a children's game wasn't cute, nor was it a good set up for anything romantic to happen like a lot of television sitcoms suggested. It was downright embarrassing. When she found out which side of the family was responsible for passing their abysmal athletic genes down to her, there would be hell to pay.

He nodded as he dropped more coins into the slot and stepped behind her. "They do. It's super cliché, but sometimes guys like teaching girls how to do things. It strokes the ego."

"Don't you think you've had enough of that for a lifetime?"

"We'll split the tickets for this one." Oh now he was ignoring her? Best date ever. "It's not hard. All you have to do is aim…" he trailed off as he placed the ball in her hands and aimed for her, "and shoot."

Naminé cast a nervous glance back at him. He didn't have to be so close to her, nor did he have to stand right behind her. She could do it this time. She frowned as she tilted her head back a bit and threw the ball.

It bounced off the rim and hit her in the face.

"What is _wrong_ with me?!" she growled as she rubbed the aching spot on her forehead. It didn't really hurt all that much, but the fact that Riku had to lean against the machine in an attempt to prop himself up so that he didn't collapse from his wheezing laughter embarrassed her even further. Admittedly, she would have laughed if the same thing had happened to him, so she kept all of her rude comments to herself.

Their little competition came to an end a couple hours later when Naminé's mother had called to ask when she would be home. Knowing her, that meant that she wanted her home soon. So she had to accept the fact that she had lost to Riku (by an amount that she didn't want to disclose) and get him something from the front counter. There wasn't much that she thought he would want. The only things she could afford were dumb things like spider rings and expired candy while the good stuff cost nine hundred tickets. With her skills, they'd be there for days trying to get something at least halfway decent.

Her eyes scanned the shelves a couple more times before she finally realized what was sitting on the left of the middle shelf. He would love that. "Can I get that Struggle bat plushie?"

The guy at the counter looked back at the toy, then down at the scale where all her tickets sat. "That's ninety-five tickets. You only have ninety-three."

She frowned, wondering if Riku would lend her two of his tickets to get it for him. It couldn't hurt to ask, right? It was just a silly bet, after all. "Hold that for me? I'll be right back."

"You've got two minutes."

Naminé nodded, then rushed back to Riku and disturbed his virtual reality game. "I need exactly two tickets to get you something really nice and I don't have time to wait."

He smirked, placing one hand on his hip as he touched his chin with the VR controller. "Hmmm. I don't know. Why would I give my tickets to someone who accused me of cheating?"

"Please? You'll really love what I picked out and I'm so excited to get it for you!"

He watched in amusement as she began to bounce on the balls of her feet. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but she didn't want to stay there for another two minutes trying to find out. Finally, he shrugged. "All right then…" The older boy pulled his collection of tickets from his back pocket—he honestly couldn't have been any slower—ripped off two, and handed them to her. "Here."

"Thank you!" With an excited grin, Naminé dashed back to the front counter and nearly slammed into a brunette that looked like she was pointing towards the same plushie she wanted. She could forget about it. That bat would be in the hands of Riku or so _help_ her. "I got 'em! Give me the plush," she hissed, slapping the colorful tickets onto the counter.

The wide-eyed employee slowly reached behind him to grab the prize and handed it to her as if he expected her to hop over the counter and attack. "Relax. You do realize this is an arcade for six year olds, right?"

Her face warmed as she accepted the prize. "Sorry..."

"Hey, that's not fair. I was asking for that for my friend," the brunette growled, seemingly more at Naminé than at the arcade employee.

"Well, you should be faster," Naminé snarked.

" _Well_ , you should be less of a bitch." The brunette looked her up and down, emerald eyes full of disgust. "I don't know how Roxas put up with you for as long as he did."

It wasn't until she walked off—leaving the poor blonde with a sinking feeling in her chest—and returned to the table full of familiar looking jocks that she realized the girl was Olette. Dance Team Olette. Roxas used to date her, but apparently she'd left him for his friend Hayner. Naminé remembered it well because he was pissed about it for weeks. And then her eyes were drawn to him. He looked at the brunette curiously as she plopped down in the seat next to him and started complaining. It didn't look like they were together though, which Naminé was sort of glad for.

Before she could look away, he looked up. Their eyes met. A sick looking smirk spread across his face as he winked at her. The infamous Asshole Roxas was back again. She quickly averted her eyes. What was he doing there? What was she doing there? They both hated places like this with a passion because they both thought it was childish. Neither of them belonged there, but there they were.

"Is that what you were so excited to buy?"

The blonde turned to see Riku leaning against the counter with his hands behind his back. "Um, yeah. You really like Struggle, so I…thought this would be perfect," she smiled.

Riku stared in disbelief as he took one hand from behind his back to accept the plushie, giving it a light squeeze. "I really appreciate this," he said softly, letting a warm smile spread across his lips. "Can I tell you a secret, though?"

"Sure."

He leaned forward as if he were about to reveal something big and scandalous. "I never really liked Struggle all that much. I only started playing because Roxas wanted me to. Then you came into the picture. You used to go on and on about Roxas and his tournaments back in middle school, and I wanted you to talk about _me_ like that. It's the only reason I worked hard enough to get to varsity."

That's right. Riku didn't talk a lot about Struggle when they first met. Then when Riku got bumped up to varsity, Roxas started getting jealous when she began to attend the varsity tournaments more than the JV tournaments. Was that before or after the two of them stopped being friends? She couldn't remember.

"Oh…" she mumbled, rubbing her upper arm nervously.

"But seeing you get so excited over this was the best thing ever. Now there's a cute memory attached to it," Riku grinned. "So thank you."

At least she hadn't made things awkward. "No problem. I—"

A chorus of loud laughter distracted her from her next thought. She wasn't even looking their way and she could still tell that the laughs were directed at her. But why? Roxas had never talked about her to his friends before…right? Then again, Olette did insinuate that Roxas had told them something about how she acted when they were friends. She suddenly felt as if she were going to vomit.

"You okay?" You look really pale," Riku suddenly blurted. Or maybe he had been talking this whole time and she just hadn't heard him.

Either way, she shook her head. All she wanted was to smile and say I'm fine like she usually did, but her heart wouldn't let her. She was tired of pretending everything was okay.

"No. Can we go, please?"

He glanced over her shoulder, scoffing when he found the source of her inner turmoil. "Did he say something to you?"

"Olette did…" she mumbled.

"Fuck her," he said a bit too loudly. That _idiot_. Any louder and the emperor of China would have called to complain about the noise. "Her dumb ass is getting kept back anyway."

Wonderful. She'd have to put up with her for another year.

"Anyway, I got you something too." Riku pulled his other hand from behind his back, presenting a cute Moogle plushie. Naminé gasped as she took it, running her fingers over the soft material fondly. She loved Moogles. They were the most adorable things to exist.

However…she never would have known about Moogles if it weren't for Roxas.

Why did everything have to remind her of him?

"Thank you," she smiled weakly. "But we should really go. I don't really—"

"I get it. Come on."

Naminé swallowed her fear as they began to walk towards the exit, which was in the same direction of their table. She slipped her Absent Face on and kept her eyes forward as they passed. The laughing continued. It wasn't until Riku slid his arm around her waist and gently pulled her closer to him that the laughing abruptly stopped.

"Un-fucking-believable," she heard Roxas hiss.

She shuddered as Riku forced her to walk a bit faster. As much fun as she'd had with him that evening, it didn't change the fact that things were getting worse. That was how things worked for her. Things would only continue to get worse.

* * *

_Pop!_

The blonde winced as the boy in front of her used his tongue and teeth to pull his gum back into his mouth. His jaw worked as he chewed for a while, then stopped to blow yet another lime green bubble. His eyes remained glued to the textbook in front of him. Did he even know he was doing that?

_Pop!_

She winced again and glared at him as he began to chew once more. He was so wrapped up in his studying that he didn't even notice her eyes on him. Naminé grit her teeth as she slowly returned her attention to her work. They were in a library for crying out loud. Wasn't the librarian supposed to be aggressively shushing him for making any noise above a pin drop? That's what happened in her novels.

 _But this is not one of your novels_ , she thought. Why couldn't it be? The way her life was going, she wouldn't have been surprised to find herself in the middle of a paranormal horror story.

_Pop!_

" _Roxas!_ " she hissed. He flinched hard, staring up at her with wide eyes full of fear and confusion. "Can you not?"

"Can I not…?" he spoke slowly, tilting his head to the side in the most adorable way. Huh. He really didn't know he was doing that.

"You're popping your gum. Please stop."

Roxas glared playfully. That familiar glimmer of mischief had returned to his eyes as he propped his chin in the palm of his hand. "Don't tell me how to live my life."

"If I didn't do that, you'd be a mindless meathead jock with no conscience or soul like the rest of your idiot friends. Now stop popping your gum."

"I'll do what I want and you're not gonna stop me." To emphasize his already bold statement, he leaned over the table and blew an exceptionally large bubble. It popped loudly, but the gum had spread out around his mouth and got stuck there. The smirk vanished as the tiniest hint of red came to his cheeks. "Aw…"

Naminé covered her mouth with her fist to keep from laughing too loud. Roxas pulled at it with his thumb and index finger to get it off, but a few stray pieces still stuck to the almost invisible hairs on his upper lip. Tears came to her eyes as she struggled to keep her laughter under control. That's exactly what he deserved. He should have learned by now that bad things happened when he didn't listen to her.

"It's not that funny. Damn..." he grumbled, angrily pulling at the stray pieces that stuck to the hairs on his face.

That only made her laugh harder. "Yeah, it is. If you had just—" Before she could finish her sentence, she felt something warm and wet hit her in the face. It wasn't until she saw his ball of gum bounce off of her face and hit the table that she began to freak out. " _Ew!_ "

"Shhhh!"

Oh, but she gets shushed? That was fair.

Roxas laughed as she scrubbed her face with her sleeve. "Still funny?"

"That was gross."

" _That_ was comedy. Can I get back to studying now, or are you going to tell me to read faster?"

Naminé frowned. She didn't care about his reading speed. It was impossible for him to pop his gum now, so she was satisfied. As satisfied as one could be when they had been hit in the face with a ball of saliva, that is. "Whatever."

"Don't whatever me."

"Shut up."

" _You_ shut up."

After a brief glaring contest, the two went back to studying, although Naminé remained distracted by the feeling of his dried spit on her face. It felt like she had rubbed it into her skin instead of wiping it off, which was a very disturbing thought. Damn him. Couldn't he just be normal for one day?

"Fantastic," Roxas sighed as he shut his book with a particularly loud thud. "You broke my concentration. You wanna go get some ice cream?"

"No, I need to study," Naminé frowned, even though she couldn't because her concentration was broken as well.

"Come onnnnn! I know you. I _know_ you wanna get out of here because of how lame it is."

He wasn't completely wrong, but she didn't want to let him have his way. Not after he'd assaulted her with his gum. "You're the one who wants to get out of here, Roxas. You can go if you want, I'll stay here."

He pouted, resting his head on his arm as he stretched it across the table. "You're gonna make me walk all the way across the street by myself? Who's going to protect me from the gross kidnappers who want my ass?"

Naminé stifled a chuckle. The thought of Roxas—the big bad jock—needing protection from anyone, let alone her noodle-armed self, was hysterical. Maybe in another universe. "I can say with absolute certainty that no one wants your ass."

"I'm getting real sick of your shit…"

This time, she allowed herself to laugh. She knew Roxas would continue to pout and whine if she didn't walk across the street with him, so she started to pack up her things. "Let's go, you big baby. But we're coming right back here to study once you've gotten your ice cream."

Roxas happily packed up his own things and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Yeah! Do you wanna hold my hand while we cross the street?" he grinned, stretching his hand out for her to take as he wiggled his fingers.

She snorted. "No thanks. I think I can cross the street just fine without getting lost," she chuckled.

"Ooh, speaking of getting lost," he chirped as he fell into step beside her, "I forgot to tell you what happened to Sora last week. You're gonna laugh, I swear to God."

And she did. Her laugh was a bit louder and her smile was a bit wider because for once, things were finally going right. There was no pain, no awkwardness, no arguing, no crying, nothing negative whatsoever. Things were finally starting to look up for her. Things were getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: You should NEVER hold/pin someone down when they're having a panic attack, no matter the circumstance. Don't force a hug on them and don't touch them if they don't want it. The best thing you can do is stay by their side and try to talk to them. They may or may not get violent or react in a scary way (this I have personally witnessed) but do. Not. Pin. Them. Down. That can make them feel worse and prolong the attack.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains offensive mental health slurs and mentions self-harm. A character is being shamed for their self harming.

Things were weird at school again, but for different reasons than before. For the first few days after the end of her friendship with Roxas, she hadn't been able to walk past him without panicking. On top of that, Roxas outright refused to look at her during that time, and treated her as if she didn’t even exist. She was left to assume that Roxas seeing her at the arcade with Riku had somehow made him hate her even more.

 

She felt isolated, rejected, unwanted, and had convinced herself that she would feel this way for the remainder of her high school career.

 

When Riku began to escort her everywhere she needed to go like he used to back when they dated, it was much easier for her to ignore Roxas' presence. Riku would talk her ear off about nothing and start petty arguments with her just to keep her distracted. This tactic annoyed her until she realized just how effective it was. Naminé decided to take a page from his book and do the same thing to him. She took pleasure in seeing him get genuinely frustrated whenever she'd "correct" him about sports related things.

 

The days slowly passed until a week passed without Roxas being glued to her side every day, and then a second week. The very thing that Naminé once thought was impossible was _made_ possible by her ex, of all people. She had begun to smile more and think of Roxas less, but that only lasted so long. After a while, Roxas began to take her accidental eye contact as a signal to approach her. Each time he started walking towards her, she'd drop whatever she was doing and head in the opposite direction.

 

It made her angry. What was he trying to do? Was that an intimidation tactic?

 

"You're still coming over today, right?"

 

Riku was still the perfect gentleman that she remembered him to be. He opened doors for her, waited for her after classes, drove her home—it was almost like they were dating again. Thinking about that made her giddy…but it also terrified her.

 

"Uh yeah, sure," Naminé shrugged as they stopped in front of her classroom. Maybe they _would_ date again if they could find a way to address the elephant in the room without any catastrophic consequences. Neither of them were stupid; they knew it needed to be addressed soon, but they were purposely ignoring it because they didn't want to make things uncomfortable again.

 

"Cool. I'll see you after school then."

 

They'd had such a fun time joking around in art that she'd completely forgotten that he didn't have any classes with her after that. He was a senior like Roxas, so the only classes they were allowed to have together were electives. Now she'd have to go through the rest of her day trying to avoid Roxas without him. The thought made her nervous.

 

"Wait!" Naminé called, cringing at the volume of her voice. Riku raised an eyebrow at her and she wished she could sink into the floor. She probably looked so desperate and stupid. "Do we…have any specific plans or—?"

 

"Yeah," Riku said a little too quickly. Naminé tilted her head curiously as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with a forced smile. "I want to talk to you about some stuff."

 

Her heart dropped. For whatever reason, whenever someone said they wanted to "talk to her," it always wound up being a bad experience. He should have known that was the wrong thing to say to someone who was prone to panicking over the smallest things. Now she would be worried about that conversation all day. "O-Okay."

 

His teal eyes softened as he reached out to grab the hand that wasn't clutching onto the strap of her book bag for dear life. "It'll be a chill conversation. Don't worry," he smiled, smoothing his thumb over her skin in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture.

 

That was easier said than done.

 

When he didn't receive a response, he leaned down and dropped a chaste kiss on her unsuspecting mouth. "Don't worry. I'll see you later."

 

Naminé stood there in wide-eyed shock, touching her lips with her sleeve-covered fingers. Was that a hint to what the conversation would be about? If so…were they finally going to talk about dating again?

 

Inhaling deeply, fighting down both nausea and a smile, she turned to go into her second period. Just as her foot was about to cross over the silver threshold separating the hall from her classroom, she was snatched away from the door and yanked down the hall by her upper arm. She yelped and tried to snatch away, but this person's grip was too tight. Everyone just ignored her as some stranger dragged her to what could have possibly been an untimely end. What made things worse was that she couldn't even see who her kidnapper was because they had their hood up over their head. The only choice she had was to be dragged.

 

The hall cleared quickly as the late bell rang. Shortly after, she was shoved into one of the few security camera blind spots that the school had. She knew this because she and Riku used to use that same blind spot when they were together. (Not for anything scandalous. Naminé just wasn't a fan of PDA, and preferred their kisses to be private.) She cowered away from the hooded figure and contemplated screaming for help, but her mouth wouldn't cooperate. She was scared stiff.

 

"Give me your hands."

 

Naminé eyed the person warily. It took her a few seconds, but she finally recognized those gorgeous blue eyes and that voice. She stopped to get a better look at his face and immediately frowned. They hadn't spoken in two weeks, and now he suddenly wanted to see her…hands? "Why?" she asked, voice clipped.

 

"Just _give me your hands_ , Naminé, fuck."

 

Slowly, the blonde reached out to him with a trembling hand. She didn't know what he wanted with her and it was terrifying. Roxas quickly seized her wrist and forced her sleeve up to the bend of her elbow. Naminé's stomach violently turned as her scars were put on display. "Hey!" She snatched her arm away and pulled her sleeve back down over her marred skin. Who told him he still had the right to do that? In the middle of school, no less. What if someone who was late for class stopped by and saw? "You don't get to do that anymore!" Naminé hissed.

 

His eyes hardened. "Why not? Just because you're avoiding me doesn't mean we're not still friends."

 

" _Bullshit_ , Roxas. You don't want to be my friend. If you did, you wouldn't have sped to your cousin's house after I told you I…"

 

Roxas' brow shot up as she trailed off awkwardly. No way was she going to give him the satisfaction of hearing it twice. _Humiliating_ her twice. If he could just politely fuck off and leave her with more good memories than bad ones, she'd eventually make it through this. He'd be leaving soon anyway.

 

"You _what?_ " he spat.

 

"I'm...not saying it again, but I'm also not going to take it back," she glared.

 

He locked eyes with her, challenging her. She accepted it with more confidence than she'd ever had in her entire life. After several agonizing moments of silence, the taller blond caved. "You're right," Roxas spoke in a voice as grave as death. "I don't want to be your goddamned friend. I'm sick of you fucking with my head when all I ever did was care about you."

 

If he was looking to piss her off, he'd succeeded. "What are you even talking about?!"

 

"God, _stop it!_ Stop acting like it didn't happen! I've tried to ignore it right along with you but I can't forget! If _I_ remember it happening, I know you do!"

 

Naminé narrowed her eyes, mostly out of confusion rather than anger. It was all starting to come together. That must have been why he yanked her sleeve up out of nowhere. "Are you…talking about—?"

 

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Roxas frowned.

 

There was only one day that he could have been talking about, but she never once pretended that it didn't happen. In fact, it had made her fall for him even more. That was the day that he had truly proved to her that he cared. If she had known he wanted to talk about it, or even bring it back up, she would have. That was nothing to ruin a friendship over. "I'm sorry. I didn't know that was so important to you."

 

"Yeah, well…it was," he muttered, averting his eyes. "It still is."

 

Naminé tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she recalled the events of that day with an uncomfortable grimace on her face. "Look, I didn't know you'd want to talk about that again because I thought the whole…cutting thing was behind us. I'm still taking care of myself—"

 

"The _what?_ What are you talking about?"

 

Naminé paled. Were they not on the same page? "That day I had a full blown episode in front of you. I-In the bathroom."

 

"That's not—!" He yanked on his hood with both hands, walking in a large circle as he laughed bitterly. Naminé watched him like one would watch a wild animal that looks ready to pounce. Roxas legitimately looked like he was spiraling into insanity. It took him a few seconds to compose himself. When he did, he stepped dangerously close to her. He wasn't towering over her like he had in the past; he was _in her face_ with this weird look in his eye and it made her skin crawl. "I'm talking about your fucking birthday. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember what happened that day."

 

She sucked her teeth in irritation. "Of course I remember my birthday! I remember you taking me out to eat, riding around with you and listening to music, drinking your dad's Hennessey, and…" Naminé thought back to that night, allowing a soft smile to come to her face. "The last thing I remember is dancing with you before I completely blacked out, but I _remember_. You made my birthday special for the first time in my life and I could never forget that."

 

Roxas studied her face as if he were searching for the smallest hint of a lie. His brow furrowed as he searched, but apparently didn't find what he was looking for. His face softened. "Fuck me," he sighed, taking a couple steps back. He looked pale, but also embarrassed and incredibly stressed. "I'm sorry, Sunshine. I—"

 

"Hey!"

 

The two blonds flinched as a male voice boomed in their direction. Naminé's eyes widened as Roxas was pulled away from her by a large hand. More specifically, the vice principal's hand. "School is no place for the two of you to be hooking up. This is my last time telling _you_ this, Strife," he hissed at Roxas as he tossed him aside. "Get to class, both of you. If I catch either of you here again, it's an automatic suspension."

 

Naminé nodded as she quickly made her way back to class. Who knew how long she had been talking to Roxas? Who cared? All she knew for certain was that her conversation with Roxas was far from over. Now she had two "talks" to look forward to.

 

* * *

 

"Hey…"

 

Despite the calm, understanding tone of his voice, she still couldn't bring herself to look at him. Her small frame shook violently as the feeling of mortification slowly replaced the unbelievable ecstasy that had been there just a few moments ago, and suffocated her. She couldn't believe she'd just done that. Roxas was going to be so mad at her. He'd told her several times that he didn't want her seeing him and now…

 

"Baby—"

 

"Please don't," Naminé whimpered into her hands as she turned her face completely away. This wasn't supposed to happen. She only came over to tell him that she couldn't be around him anymore, but the only thing she'd managed to do was him.

 

He sighed heavily and—as gently as possible—removed himself from her and fixed his clothes. She sobbed quietly into her sleeve-covered hands, squeezing her legs together so that nothing and no one else could get between them ever again. She didn't even mean to do this. It was an accident.

 

Okay, that sounded dumb even in her head. Things like this never happened by "accident."

 

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he brushed her sweaty hair off of her forehead. "I thought you wanted this."

 

She shuddered in disgust. It wasn't his fault, it was hers. If she had just told him _no_ and meant it, they wouldn't be in this position. But no, she just had to fall for his smooth talk and melt beneath his touch and get distracted like an idiot. She let lust come before loyalty, and only terrible people did that to their friends. "Roxas is gonna hate me."

 

"…What?"

 

Naminé sniffed. "He told me I couldn't hang out with you because you two weren't friends anymore. I came here to tell you that, but I couldn't get it out. Now look what we've done. We can't any of it back and I just like you even more now!"

 

Riku made a noise, shifting his position on his bed. "You're…actually upset because you made a choice that's different than what Roxas wants? Not because I hurt you or because this was your first time, but because _he_ didn't want this? Why the hell does he get so much of a say in your life?"

 

"He's my best friend."

 

"Exactly. He's your _best friend_ , Naminé, not your goddamned boyfriend or your dad."

 

"He's the closest thing I'll ever get to a father," she grumbled bitterly.

 

"So fucking what?! He can't stop you from seeing me if you really want to." She tried not to flinch as he pried her hands away from her eyes. His expression was neutral, but she could still tell that he was annoyed. Whether it was with her or with Roxas, she couldn't figure that out. But his eyes were hypnotic, and she thought she could stare into them forever.

 

"Nam, I really like you. And if I was to speak freely, given the fact that you're naked from the waist down right now, I'd say you really like me too."

 

The teary-eyed blonde nodded. Of course she liked him. That was the problem.

 

"Then forget him. Okay? You need to start making decisions for yourself, and stop apologizing for the ones that make you happy," he frowned.

 

It spread to her quickly. She hated seeing him upset and she hated being the cause of it. Why couldn't he and Roxas just make up? Then she wouldn't have to choose between them. "What am I supposed to do if he gets mad?"

 

"Let him stay mad. He'll get over it. Roxas being upset with you is not the end of the world. If you live your whole life doing what he wants you to do, you'll only ever be miserable. In the words of someone I can't remember right now: do what sets your soul on fire."

 

Naminé wiped her eyes as she sat up to look at him directly. Riku was an incredible guy. He always knew exactly what to say, how to make her smile, how to summon the flurry of butterflies in her stomach and make them riot. His touches were gentle, his smiles were infectious, and his laughter was the perfect love song. And of course the guy wasn't hard to look at. She was extremely lucky to have someone like him have her virginity, instead of some asshole who would dump her a week later and brag about it.

 

Riku…made her happy. After her father had ruined their family, all Naminé wanted was to be happy. That's when the crippling nervousness and the sadness crept in and changed everything. She once tried to talk to her mother about it, but she didn't take it seriously at all.

 

 _Teenage hormones_ , she'd said with a dismissive wave. _There are going to be days where you're really happy, and days where you’re crying in your room and you don't really know why. It'll all pass_.

 

Naminé didn't dare tell her mother about the random bouts of pseudo suffocation she experienced. She probably wouldn’t understand that either.

 

"What's on your mind?" Riku asked softly.

 

She shook her head. Roxas didn't even know about those feelings, so she sure as hell wasn't going to tell Riku about it. They wouldn't understand. No one would.

 

"Just…what do we do now? Are we going to be like a couple or something?"

 

Riku chuckled. "Do you _want_ to be like a couple or something?"

 

Naminé fought a smile as she pushed him. "I hate you."

 

"Doubt that," he grinned.

 

And then the two of them started laughing. They looked pretty ridiculous sitting there; she had no pants and he looked like he had just stepped out of a tornado. "Can you be serious for once in your life?"

 

"I am! That was an honest question," Riku laughed again.

 

The blonde shrugged, running a hand through her hair. "Well…yeah. I do."

 

He shrugged, looking as carefree as ever. "Okay. We're dating now."

 

Her eyes widened, and he snorted at this. "That's it? People just _decide_ to go out and then they suddenly start going out?"

 

Riku raised an eyebrow. She always felt stupid when he did that. "Um…yeah? What did you think was going to happen: we get into this huge argument that makes us split up for several weeks before we realize we can't stand the distance and confess our feelings for one another in the cold, pouring rain?"

 

Naminé blushed as she looked away. "I wouldn't say _in the rain_ because we'd probably get pneumonia, but something like that," she mumbled.

 

The silver haired freshman threw his head back in a laugh. She couldn't believe she'd just admitted that out loud. Of course he was going to laugh at her. "Nami," he smirked as he smoothed his wild hair, "This isn't a corny chick flick, this is real life. Real life doesn't have to be that complicated. All you gotta do is clearly state what you want in any and all situations and everything goes smoothly. It's called good communication skills."

 

Yeah, Naminé didn't have those.

 

"Expressing your feelings is really hard when you don't quite know what it is that you want, or if you're in extreme denial about it."

 

He nodded slowly. "I don't quite understand that because I've never been in denial about anything, so I'll take your word for it on that. But expressing your feelings isn't hard at all. Just _talk_."

 

"That's real easy to say when you've never been in a situation where it feels like your head and your heart have challenged each other to an epic duel to the death," she smiled bitterly.

 

"And I'll never be in that kind of situation. My head and my heart are in perfect sync, and they always will be."

 

Naminé had no reason to not believe him. Riku was the only one she knew who already had life figured out. His entire future had been planned out for him by his parents, he was able to use logical thinking to get himself out of any bad mood, he always spoke his mind without fear, and he did everything with confidence. Riku was the most positive, yet laid back person she'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, and she was glad that she'd met him. Hell, did she need any more of a reason to like him?

 

Riku leaned forward and gently grabbed her chin, placing a kiss on her lips that left her head spinning. "My head and my heart are in sync, Naminé. Both are telling me that this is the right thing to do."

 

That was all she needed to hear. Now she knew exactly what she wanted.

 

As she opened her mouth to respond, her phone rang. Her heart stuttered as she quickly snatched it off of the desk and looked at it. It was just as she feared. "It's Roxas," she said, voice trembling in fear. Naminé always felt bad about ignoring his calls, but could she bring herself to answer him after what she had just done?

 

"Don't answer," Riku pleaded with her.

 

"I have to," she frowned, staring at the picture of her and the older blond. Usually the image would bring a smile to her face, but now it filled her with guilt. "I have to." Naminé accepted the call with a shaky exhale. "Hi Roxas."

 

"Hey Sunshine," he spoke softly. She could hear the smile in his voice. It made her sick to her stomach. "Listen, I'm sorry about the whole Riku thing. I know you two were really good friends, but…you'll get over it eventually. You don't need someone like him in your life anyway."

 

Naminé gulped. Roxas never knew that she and Riku were a little more than friends. "Actually—"

 

"Wait, no, that sounded super douchey. I don't want you to hate me for making you cut ties with him, but it had to be done. I know what's best for you and he's just not it. You can talk to _me_ the same way you used to talk to him. I promise I'll do more listening and less talking. I'll also try not to cut you off so much."

 

"Roxy—"

 

"Where are you anyway? You've been gone for like an hour and a half and your mom's almost done with dinner already. She's making spaghetti with that really awesome homemade garlic bread that we love…"

 

So much for not cutting her off anymore. He just kept talking and talking and _talking_. Maybe it was best to just rip it off like a band-aid

 

"I'm dating Riku right now!"

 

The line went dead silent. He didn't speak, gasp, grunt, or anything. There wasn't even any background noise. She took that as her cue to continue. "Riku and I really like each other, so we decided to start a relationship. We're dating now and that…it makes me really happy. I know that's not what you wanted and I'm sorry—"

 

" _Don't_ apologize," Riku hissed.

 

She nodded, steeling her nerves. "I'm _not_ sorry. This is what I want to do, and I hope you'll accept that."

 

Her heartbeat sounded loud in her ears as the silence continued. She couldn't see his face, so she couldn't even imagine what must have been going on in his head. She was beginning to feel ashamed of what she had done all over again.

 

"Naminé," he started, speaking slowly and calmly. "You know I care about you, right?"

 

"Right."

 

"Do you know how much I love you?"

 

"Of course I do."

 

"So…you can probably imagine how much it fucking hurts to be betrayed by _you_. The one person I expected to be on my side through everything doesn't even care about my feelings. How could you do this to me? How could you put some guy you've known for two years before our friendship?"

 

Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks as her heart crumbled to a fine dust. She'd never meant to hurt him. She just wanted to be happy. "I'm sorry, Roxas. I'm so sorry."

 

"Come home. Now."

 

She didn't even think twice about it. "I'm coming. B-But you have to know that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I would _never_ do anything to intentionally hurt you—"

 

He hung up without even so much as a goodbye. Naminé sobbed quietly as she hopped off of the bed in search of her underwear and pants.

 

"What happened?"

 

Sniffling and struggling to see through her tears, she cleared her throat and said, "He asked me to come home."

 

Riku stared at her. She didn't need clear vision to know that he was aggravated. "He _asked_ you to come home or he _told_ you?"

 

"He…told me," she admitted as she pulled on the once forgotten articles of clothing up her legs. "It doesn't matter though."

 

"Of course that matters, Naminé! He can't order you around like that. Are you sure you want to go to him? I don't want him to fly off the handle and hurt you—"

 

"Roxas would never lay a hand on me," she snapped, glaring at him from across the room. How _dare_ he accuse Roxas of something so vile? He was one of the sweetest human beings alive. He was an angry and impulsive teenage boy, but he wasn't abusive.

 

He wasn't her father.

 

She furiously wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Just as she was about to fling herself out of the door, he grabbed her by the wrist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or insult him. I was just worried about your wellbeing."

 

"I'll be fine," she hissed. "He just…I'll tell him how happy you make me and he'll understand. After he gets done yelling at me. I hope…"

 

Riku nodded, loosening his grip. "Okay. But if anything goes down that you're not comfortable with, you're welcome to come spend the night here. My parents adore you almost as much as I do, so they wouldn't mind."

 

"Thank you," she smiled. "But I really have to go."

 

Again, Riku stopped her from leaving. Just as she was about to protest, he pressed his lips to her temple. She was so scared that it didn't even make her smile like it used to. Until she talked this out with Roxas, everything that happened between them would pile on even more guilt.

 

"Take care of yourself," he whispered.

 

* * *

 

Walking into Riku's house after so long felt surreal. She expected things to be a little different, but different was an understatement. There was a new flat screen TV mounted on the wall in the living room, new furniture, and all of their decorations had been rearranged. Naminé was only able to get a brief look at it all before she had to catch up with Riku, who was already halfway to his room.

 

That too was different: new bed, different colored sheets, furniture rearranged, new wall paint, and a tall bookcase that she had never seen before that was filled with actual books instead of something else. Was he reading more? She’d love it if he were because then they could discuss their favorite ms together.

 

Although she was still nervous about this "talk" they were supposed to be having, he didn't give off any signs that this was a bad talk; no sigh, no shifting from foot to foot, no sad eyes. In fact, he seemed more relaxed than he'd ever been around her. And when he smiled, it spread to her.

 

"It's really good to see a real smile from you again," Riku said.

 

Naminé nodded. "I... _same_."

 

He chuckled at her awkwardness as he took a seat on his bed, nudging the computer chair from under the large desk with his foot and pushing it towards her. Naminé carefully took a seat, as if it would suddenly collapse beneath her weight. Riku only continued to smile. "I wanna talk about our date the other day."

 

The smile instantly left her face. Did she mess it up? Did he not like that she let Roxas get to her so easily? She couldn't help it. He had been such a big part of her life for a long time and now he was just…gone. Maybe? With the way he had cornered her in the hall earlier that day, it seemed like he wasn't quite done with her. There was a lot more drama coming to her in the future and she wasn't sure if she could handle it all.

 

She exhaled. "Go ahead."

 

Riku rolled his eyes playfully. "Stop freaking out. I told you it's not that bad, and you didn't do anything wrong. The date was amazing, and I had such a fun time with you. However..." He paused. Naminé never liked it when he paused in the middle of talking because it seemed like it took years for him to continue. The only thing that kept her calm was the smile on his face. "I think we should stay friends. I really want to be part of your life again, but without all the Roxas drama. I can't go through all of that a second time."

 

Her eyes widened at his proposal. Out of all the things he could have possibly said, that had to be the most relieving.

 

" _Oh thank God_ ," she laughed breathlessly. She hadn't even realized she had been holding her breath. "Thank God. That's one less stressful thing I have to worry about. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now anyway."

 

"Right? Being single is great. I mean, you don't have to worry about if you're doing something wrong or if the other person is mad at you."

 

"Or have the talk about kids, marriage, and life after college."

 

Both teens shuddered, then laughed at themselves. This was great. They could both agree that dating again would be awkward and tedious, and they had the option of remaining friends. Not the type of "friends" that promised to keep in touch, and then avoided each other for the rest of their lives, but an actual friendship. No stress, no assuming anything, no hard work. They could go back to poking fun at each other and laughing the days away like they used to before everything changed.

 

"Sorry about that kiss earlier," Riku grimaced. "I just wanted to test the waters and see if it felt weird."

 

"Which it did," she admitted playfully.

 

"Yeah, I'm not gonna be doing that again. I _would_ like to go on more dates with you, though. Friend dates, if you will."

 

Naminé nodded, offering him her brightest smile. Their arcade date had been fun until Olette and Roxas ruined it for her. Next time, they’ll go to a movie and pick it apart, or sit at the park and try to guess what people were thinking as they walked by. Maybe they’ll go skating again. Whatever they wound up doing, she knew she would have fun with him.

 

"Friend dates," she agreed with a smile.

 

Riku gave her the tightest hug, and for a second, she was convinced that he had the power to hug away all of her faults and failures. Naminé squeezed her eyes shut as she allowed herself to enjoy the feeling. She wasn't exactly Happy, but she was…happy. She'd missed him so much.

 

* * *

 

“Happy Birthday, Angel."

 

Naminé gaped as Riku showed her the most gorgeous bracelet she had ever seen in her life. She knew he was going to get her something, but she didn't expect it to look so expensive. Roxas had only gotten her a painter's smock, though she appreciated it immensely because it meant he actually thought about his gift instead of picking up something random. She supposed Riku was allowed to give her more lavish things because he was her boyfriend, but she still felt bad about accepting them.

 

"This is beautiful…" she whispered, gently taking it from his hands and holding it as if she thought it would shatter. It looked as if it had been delicately handcrafted for royalty. How was she even worthy of holding it? "Thank you so much."

 

Riku grinned proudly. "I was hoping you'd like it. I know you don't really wear jewelry, but I thought it would look good on you."

 

Naminé felt herself tear up as she closed her fist over it and held it close to her racing heart. "I love it, Riku. Why are you so amazing?" she huffed, wrapping him in a tight hug. He returned it, his chuckles briefly muffled by her hair as he kissed the crown of her head. He truly was the best boyfriend she could have ever asked for.

 

They pulled away from each other, both still grinning like fools. "Well, try it on. The clasp is kind of tricky, so let me—"

 

"No!" she screamed as he reached for her wrist. He immediately retracted his hand, staring at her as if she had just run over his cat. _Way to go, genius._ "I mean…I'll put it on myself. Later."

 

Riku looked deeply offended. That was the very last thing she wanted. She loved his gift, and would have been so proud to wear it under any other circumstance…but it wasn't any other circumstance. He would just have to understand until she was ready to tell him. But she could see the growing concern just beneath his offense and felt like the world's biggest piece of shit. "What's the problem?"

 

"Nothing! I just…don't want to wear it right now."

 

His face fell. And there she was thinking that he couldn't look any more hurt. That was such a lame excuse. Anyone would be hurt by that.

 

"I'm not trying to start anything because I know how you feel about the fighting, but does this have something to do with Roxas? What, does he not want you wearing jewelry from me?"

 

"No, no, no, it doesn't have anything to do with Roxas, I swear," Naminé panicked. "I'll tell you when the time is right. Just trust me when I say I need time."

 

His eyes hardened as he stared at her, searching her face in a way that reminded her of Roxas' invasive stare. She shrank under his gaze, tucking her arms behind her back as he glanced down at them. Sadly, she didn't get to pull up her sleeve and break it to him gently, nor did she have the chance to explain herself. She could see in his eyes that he had correctly guessed what the problem was. His eyes didn't soften like she had expected them to, and he didn't look the least bit understanding.

 

Riku looked absolutely _repulsed_.

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you…?"

 

"I-I can explain—"

 

"Really? You can explain slicing yourself up like some depressed psycho? Because I'd really love to hear the excuse for that," he hissed. "What the hell? _What_ the hell?!"

 

Naminé moved as far away from him as she possibly could when he began to pace and run his fingers through his hair. She tried to understand what he was feeling, but she couldn't tell his rage from his disappointment or his worry from his disgust. Everything blurred together in one burst of emotional expression and it scared her. Just moments ago, he was smiling at her like she was his whole world. Now?

 

"Is…" He paused to breathe, though it sounded more like an exhausted huff. "Is your life really that hard to the point where you have to fuck yourself up to feel better? Why are you doing this? Is it because of Roxas?"

 

"What? No!"

 

"Is it me? Am I doing something and you're just not telling me?"

 

"No, Riku. It's nobody else's fault," she pleaded. "It's mine. I…I have to."

 

He stopped pacing. Naminé felt small under his intense glare, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything more. Her explanation would sound stupid anyway. "I don't…know what to say right now. I really don't. So if there's anything you'd like to say that could make me understand why you'd do something so _stupid_ , be my guest."

 

She gulped. What was she supposed to say? No matter which way she explained it, he wouldn't get it. She wouldn't blame him if he decided to leave like everybody else and add his own two cents to the rumor mill.

 

" _Talk, damn it!_ "

 

Naminé flinched and turned her head away. "I-I…"

 

Just as she was about to explain her phone rang. Words could not describe just how thankful she was to the powers that be. She fished it out of her pocket to see who it was, then looked back up at him, almost as if she were begging him to let her answer it. Riku exhaled deeply through his nose.

 

"Answer it and tell Roxas you're busy," he growled.

 

She could feel her cheeks heat up as she lowered the phone, concealing it from his view. "It's my mom. She would only be calling if it's an emergency."

 

He rolled his eyes. "Fine."

 

With trembling hands, she answered the phone. "Hello?"

 

"Naminé," Roxas whined. "When are you coming home? You've been gone for hours and I'm getting bored!"

 

She had only been gone for forty-five minutes at most.

 

Instead of saying this, she quickly concocted a plan. "Okay. Do you need me to come home?"

 

"I—huh? Aren't you with Riku still?"

 

Naminé turned away from Riku, hoping that her plan was working. "That's way more important though."

 

There was silence over the line for a couple seconds. Then, "Oh! I get it—I'm so stupid. If you're trying to get out of something, say…your dad is fucking up again. Do you need me to come get you?"

 

"No, it's okay. He can drop me off."

 

Roxas sighed. "Right, you can't speak freely. I'd really rather come get you myself to make sure you're safe because I don't know what's going on…but okay. Come back to me in one piece, okay?"

 

Now this was the Roxas that made her heart melt. Not the jealous one, or the cocky one, or the whiny one, but the one who would go above and beyond for her safety. "I will."

 

"Love you. Respond so he can think I'm your mom or something, then hang up."

 

She sighed in relief. That was really smart. "Love you too. Bye." As she hung up, she turned to Riku and said, "It's my dad again. I have to go see about my mom."

 

Though he looked skeptical, he reluctantly fished his keys out of his pocket. "I'll drop you home. Next time we see each other, you're not getting out of this talk."

 

Naminé nodded, knowing full well that she would be avoiding him from that moment on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to say this again in case someone missed it the first time: I do not hate any of the characters mentioned here, nor do I approve of/agree with any toxic behavior shown in any of these chapters.


	4. Chapter 4

Her confused stare was only met with that same smirk he always gave her when he was around his friends, except they were nowhere to be seen. She wondered why Cocky Asshole Roxas had decided to show up to her door in place of Casually Confident Roxas. More importantly, why did this have to happen so soon? She had just arrived home from Riku's a little over an hour ago; wasn't she entitled to a little more preparation time before being hit with another serious conversation?

 

"Excuse me?" she forced herself to glare.

 

The blond gestured to her with the box of pizza in his hands, smirk still present. "I said we haven't had pizza in a while. I tried to call and ask what kind you wanted, but I guess you blocked my number or whatever. Dramatic ass," he laughed.

 

Naminé watched as he flipped the lid open, grabbed a slice of the delicious smelling pizza, and forced his way into her house. Her mother, who was on her way out of the door, gave him the biggest smile when she saw him. "Well there's a face I haven't seen in a while. You forget where your second home is?"

 

"I had a...temporary lapse in memory due to the stress of senior year, and a little bit of girl drama." His eyes briefly darted to Naminé, and she bristled. There wouldn't have been any "drama" if it wasn't for him. All he had to do was let her down gently and go on his way, but no. He just had to explode. Still, his answer was so smooth that she never would have guessed he and her daughter were once at odds. If it wasn't for that quick little snub at her front door, Naminé herself might have thought their falling out was just a dream.

 

"So where ya headed to?" Roxas asked.

 

Her mother's smile suddenly looked forced. "I'm going to…go see Naminé's father."

 

The tension swept in like a storm. Even Roxas' casual smirk dropped into an ugly combination of shock and disapproval. Naminé nearly gagged. Now all of the filters were gone. She could feel Roxas' nervousness, as well as his passive-aggressiveness. It was as if that statement alone had knocked all of the faux politeness out of him. He couldn't even muster up a convincing smile. "Oh really…?"

 

The older woman bit her lip as she inhaled deeply. "Yes. We've been talking again and I've decided to treat him to dinner tonight. You mind staying here with Naminé for the time being?"

 

"Why not? I'm already here," he shrugged, voice flat.

 

More words were exchanged between Roxas and her mother before she left. Naminé, chest now tight and unwilling expand, moved to sit on the couch when her legs started to feel like jelly. That awful feeling was starting to come back—the one where she swore only the razor could help. Everything was going so good. She and Riku were back on speaking terms, she had just gotten used to living without Roxas, and she was getting back into her drawing and painting again. Now Roxas was here and pretending everything was normal, her mother was trying to bring her father back into their lives, and everything was falling to shit again.

 

The second Roxas realized she was panicking, he practically threw the pizza box down on the coffee table and keeled in front of her. "Hey, _hey_. Remember your breathing, Sunshine. Deep breaths."

 

She nodded, forcing herself to inhale despite the awful feeling in her chest. It was hard, but Roxas calmly talked her through it. Of course it was awkward in the beginning, but the real Roxas began to bleed through when her control started to slip. Knowing that he still genuinely cared about her was what kept her grounded. Now she felt like an idiot for blocking him and deleting all of their memories…even though everything that used to be on her phone was still backed up on her laptop.

 

She couldn't even forget him properly.

 

"We need to go to your room so you can lie down. Think you can stand?"

 

She shook her head. Wordlessly, he scooped her up into his arms and walked briskly to her bedroom. He had to hold her awkwardly in order to get the door open, but once he got it, he shut both of them up in her room and gently laid her down on her back. She watched with watery eyes as he toed off his shoes, grabbed the sheets, and slid in next to her like he'd always done. It was almost like he'd never left.

 

Roxas patiently waited for her to calm her breathing before attempting to speak to her. His eyes were much softer, some of the tension in the air had eased up, and she felt like she knew him again. "I…I'm sorry for the way I reacted to your…confession. I want to say that first because you deserve that apology more than anything. And looking back, I can see how your paranoid ass might have thought I was leaving you," he chuckled.

 

Her expression didn't change from the blank stare she had been giving him since they got in her bed. He noticed.

 

"Ah, anyway," he mumbled, "I never planned on leaving you. Ever. What you said that night—I was shocked. And very, _very_ angry for reasons that I will explain a little later. I just needed some time to myself, but I didn't know how to say that. I didn't even know how to talk to you. After that night, you were like a completely different person to me. Everything got turned upside down, my head wouldn't stop spinning, I started feeling things I didn't want to feel again and—"

 

"Again?" she asked. Just like her face, her tone was emotionless.

 

Roxas grimaced. "I'm getting ahead of myself. Long story short, I always planned to come back to you, but I saw you hanging out with Riku again and I just…thought there was no place for me anymore."

 

"How can there be? You've already admitted that you don't want to be my friend anymore."

 

"I didn't, and I still don't. That probably doesn't make much sense to you now that I know you don't remember your birthday, but give me a chance to explain and I promise everything will start to add up."

 

The look in his eyes gave her hope. Of course, she was still afraid of what would become of their relationship in the future. Everything was on the line and they were both walking on eggshells at this point. There was everything to gain and everything to lose.

 

"All right then. Explain."

 

Roxas sighed, drumming his fingers against the mattress. "You said you remember dancing with me, right?"

 

* * *

 

"I loooove this songgggg!"

 

Roxas smiled to himself as Naminé climbed onto his bed and started jumping around wildly. Apparently she had snuck more of his dad’s Hennessey when he'd left to go to the bathroom, but she appeared to be handling it well. She wasn't puking or destroying anything like he had done during his first time drinking with his friends. There was just a bit of slurring, and a hyper side of her that he'd never seen before. She was a little annoying, but she was happy.

 

His smile became sad as he watched her. He couldn't help but think that he didn't deserve her as a friend. She was always there for him, and the only thing he could do in return was get jealous, be overprotective, and make her cry all the time.

 

_Too much thinking, not enough drinking._

 

The blond walked over to the half empty bottle of brown liquor, put it to his lips, and turned it up. It was a little rough going down, but it had successfully burned away all his troubled thoughts.

 

"Heyyyyy, can I have su'more of that?"

 

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he handed the bottle over without thinking much about it. Similar to the way he had, she turned the bottle up and downed a good portion of its contents before giving it back to him with a cough and a grimace. She swayed and giggled as she stood in his bed, and he watched in amusement. He would have to get her drunk more often if she was going to be this much fun.

 

Two songs and a few more swigs of alcohol later, she fell onto the bed in a kneeling position in front of him. "Dance with me."

 

He snorted. She definitely _was_ drunk if she actually expected him to dance. He never danced with anyone, especially not to a fast-paced pop song like the one that was playing.

 

"Nah, I'll just sit here and watch you."

 

Whining obnoxiously, she clumsily crawled out of the bed and stood in front of him. He smirked up at her from his position on the floor, but nothing more. "I wanna dance, Roxy. Someone has to dance with me, since I'm not going to prom, like, ever."

 

Roxas blinked in surprise. "What? Why not?"

 

She shrugged, pouting slightly. "No one wants to go to the dance with me on their arm. They're all afraid I'll bleed on them after Seifer told them about the thing."

 

He remembered that all too well. He'd gotten suspended for breaking his nose after hearing about what he'd done to her. To be fair, he had told her not to hang out with that guy in the first place because he wasn't good for her. If she would have taken the time to listen to him, she would have known that Seifer was a douche. Now, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop hearing Seifer call her an “emo slut” when he confronted him.

 

"Hellooooo?" Naminé slurred again. "Are you gonna dance with me or not?!"

 

If he had tried harder to keep her away from him, then she wouldn't have gone through that. It was his fault. He owed this to her.

 

Rolling his eyes, he took his time standing. He had expected her to start jumping around in an uncoordinated mess like she had before, but instead she wound her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. That was probably because she could barely stand on her own. His brow furrowed as he awkwardly took hold of her waist and started to sway with her.

 

It was weird. The song was too fast, they were moving too slow, and the hazy world around them appeared to be tilting. Whether it was the hard liquor finally making its way up to Roxas' head to cloud his judgement…or the sudden ache in his chest—similar to the one he'd felt when Riku had started to pursue Naminé after he'd told him he had feelings for her—he didn't know, but things felt different. _They_ felt **different**.

 

"All that energy you have, and you want to spend it slow dancing?"

 

"Is there a problem with that?" Naminé asked testily.

 

He laughed. "I guess not."

 

She didn't say anything more. Roxas rested his head against hers as they turned in a slow circle. Now he was facing the door. After a while, he allowed his eyes to shut as a smile came to his face. She would be so embarrassed when she woke up tomorrow; she'd probably say something like _you stole my first dance_ or something equally as dorky and hilarious. The girl was a walking bundle of nerves.

 

 _And the love of my life_ , he thought to himself. He suddenly felt nauseated.

 

Naminé meant a great deal to him. She was his best friend. She was The One That Got Away, but hadn't really gone anywhere. In fact, he was the one that would be leaving her soon, but he had a plan for that. If he could get her to make at least one more friend before he had to leave for college next year, then she wouldn't feel so alone without him around. There had to be someone he could trust to watch over her until she graduated and came to his college. Because, let's be honest, she didn't really have a choice. If he had to pack all of her things himself and physically drag her across the country, she _would_ go to college with him.

 

"Hey, have you started thinking about what school you want to go to?" Roxas asked, leading her into another turn. Despite the erratic beating of his heart at their close proximity, he only ever felt calm when she was that close to him. All of the dark thoughts that were in his head…

 

Naminé shook he head. "Noooo. I'm a junior. That's next year stuff."

 

"This school year's practically over with already. It's December. You should start applying for colleges. Maybe scholarships. Maybe scholarships for Hollow Bastion State University…?" he trailed off purposefully. All he wanted was to see what she thought of the idea. He had plenty of time to change her mind if her reaction was negative, but there was nothing wrong with getting a head start in shaping her opinion.

 

The shorter blonde pulled away to look at him with a funny looking smirk. "That was very pacific." He bit his lip in order to keep from laughing. "Why that school?"

 

"Well, HBSU has an amazing art program that I know you would love, a huuuuuge library that you can peruse to your heart's content, super fast Wi-Fi, and the dorms look so good. You have to share with like two other people during your freshman year, but you'll have your own sleeping space, so I guess that makes up for it."

 

"Hm. Is that where you wanna go? It's so far away from me…"

 

The ache was suddenly worse, accompanied by the feeling of breathlessness. If he could find a school that was just as good, or even better than HBSU that was much closer to home, he'd have no problem going there. This was his dream school. They had the best sports teams, best clubs, best fraternities—which he definitely planned on joining. Leaving her to go to middle school was hard, and leaving her to go to high school proved to be even worse. This would be the biggest test of their friendship yet and that scared him.

 

"I know, Sunshine, but we'll make it work. We did it before and we'll do it again."

 

She stopped swaying. He watched in confusion as she slowly backed away, staring up at him with unfocused eyes. She looked as if she were sobering up. Naminé was much happier when she was drunk, he noticed, and he wanted her to stay that way for just a bit longer. She gave him a small smile as she took a step back. "Sorry. I don't really feel like dancing anymore."

 

"Hey, what's the matter?" In a near panic state, he caught her by the waist and pulled her back to him. He didn't want her to leave yet. It almost felt like they were something more than best friends. Why would she want to leave him? She could never—

 

_Calm. Down. You're overreacting again._

 

She shrugged. "Thinking."

 

Roxas huffed out his agitation. "You do too much of that. If you're thinking about me leaving, stop. Nothing's going to happen to us."

 

Her smile became uncomfortable. Almost pained. "That's what I'm afraid of."

 

"What do you—?"

 

"I never liked Olette, you know. Or Selphie."

 

Roxas frowned. He didn't want to remember either of them right now. Those relationships were extremely stressful, not to mention that every girl he'd ever been with had expected him to put her before Naminé. People as special as Naminé were supposed to come before relationships. If people didn't like or respect that, they could go find someone else who thought the same way _they_ did and leave him alone.

 

He was getting off track. No, Naminé was distracting him…from Naminé. How drunk was he?

 

“What do they have to do with this?"

 

"They have everything to do with it, Roxas. I don't...we...do you just have a thing for brunettes or something?"

 

No. He just knew that if he dated girls with blonde hair, it would be impossible not to replace their faces with someone else's. Imagine how embarrassed he would be if he ever called someone by the wrong name. "Hey, I'm into non-brunettes too. What are you trying to say?"

 

"I'm saying that your preferences piss me off!" Naminé fumed as she suddenly pulled away from him. Roxas blinked rapidly and swayed unsteadily. The alcohol was definitely hitting him hard now. He should have mixed it with a soda and he shouldn't have drank it so fast. It was Hennessy for God's sake, why would he do something so idiotic? Oh shit, her mouth was moving. He shook his head and attempted to focus on her.

 

"No?!"

 

"No. No? Huh?" he asked dazedly.

 

She pushed her fingers through her hair with an irritated sigh. "Whatever. Never mind."

 

Now she was starting to get on his nerves. Drunk or not, she was being an asshole. "Don't _whatever_ me, Naminé. You know I hate that."

 

"Then listen to me! Pay attention to _me!_ "

 

Roxas pressed down hard on his temples with his index fingers to stop the throbbing. This wasn't at all how he'd planned to end the night. "Sunshine," he cooed in a voice as sweet as saccharine. "What the fuck is wrong with you now?"

 

"I…" Naminé made a noise of frustration as she sat on the edge of his bed. "A lot, apparently. That's why nobody wants me."

 

His heart sank as he watched her start to tear up. He always hated it when she cried, even more so when _he_ made her cry. He had to do something to fix it. "That's not true. I want you," he whispered as he knelt in front of her. As her tears fell, he quickly brushed them away. He had to do something. "Y-You wanna hear something really dorky?"

 

Naminé shrugged, sniffling quietly. Roxas gently cupped her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. All he wanted in that moment was to make her happy. No one else could make her happy but him.

 

"Mom used to tell me all the time that you and I were gonna get married when we grew up. And then she had to explain what marriage was because, well…I was six," he chuckled briefly. "She told me that it was a thing that adults did when they really cared about one another, and they wanted to be in each other's lives forever. Then she told me about rings and stuff, so I started looking for different rings that you might have liked in those stupid fucking bubble gum machines so that I could marry you."

 

Naminé's expression melted into one of adoration. He smiled encouragingly as he slowly moved to sit beside her, and she turned to him almost eagerly. God he lived for moments like those: when her attention was on him and only him.

 

"Mom eventually let me buy you one. I wanted to give it to you on your seventh birthday, but I couldn't find it when the time came. That's why I gave you that dumb construction paper birthday card, but you still smiled like I'd given you diamonds. That smile is the earliest memory I have of you, and it's the only thing that can calm me down when I'm stressed to all hell."

 

The blonde laughed, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "Wow. That was dorky."

 

"There's more. After Mom died, Dad gave me this lockbox. He said it was hers, but she told him to give me both the box and the key when I was "old enough to understand." That just so happened to be a week after her passing. I found two notes and two rings inside of it: my crappy bubble gum machine ring and her engagement ring. One of the notes was for dad, and the other was for me. She said her goodbyes on my note and told me not to be too upset on the front of it. But on the back of the note, she told me how she'd hid the ring I bought for you all those years ago because she wanted me to propose with a proper ring. She also told me she would haunt me until the end of my days if I ever put her wedding ring on someone that wasn't you."

 

Naminé turned towards him with a suspicious stare. "You're lying..."

 

Roxas reached beneath his shirt to pull out a thin chain, a silver ring with a blue diamond dangling from it. "I swear to God. I was going to surprise you with it before I left for college, but…it's out there now. You're still not gonna get it until I leave, but I want you to know that it's yours."

 

She smiled as she held the ring between her fingers. He mirrored it easily. After a few moments of her being entranced by it, she looked up with a playful grin. "Does this mean you wanna marry me, Roxy?"

 

"Yes."

 

Naminé opened her mouth to speak, but froze once his answer processed. Her glazed eyes widened as the ring slipped from her grasp and hit his chest. "Stop. That's not funny."

 

He shrugged a shoulder, frowning. "I'm not being funny. Mom's been planning a wedding for us since we were born. Why not marry each other?"

 

Naminé made a noise that was a mix of disapproval and laughter. "Um, no. I am neeeeever ever getting married. I don't even trust men, Roxas. What if I'm a lesbian? Do…do you need to take a test to become a lesbian or is that something that just happens…?"

 

Roxas buried his face in his hands and sighed noisily. He wasn't drunk enough for this shit. "Literally…nothing you just said made sense, but that's okay. Just answer one question for me: do you trust me?"

 

"I…well…yeah. But issa different type o' trust. You don't even like me like that, so what would the point be?"

 

Roxas stared at her through slightly blurry vision. "You really are slow as hell. Nam, I like you. _Like that_ . If I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here talking about marriage and rings or telling you that _I like you_." He tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes. "Do you even know how pissed I was when you told me Riku had your first time? I went home mad that day 'cause…I felt like I should have had it. That piece of shit has a part of you that I'll never be able to have and that really sucks. He knew how I felt about you and he took you away from me."

 

Naminé closed her eyes for a few seconds. For a moment, he wasn't sure she was going to respond, but her eyes opened again. The look he received was one of confusion, but it was also determined. "Why didn't you tell me you felt this way about me before?"

 

"I don't know," he lied. He could never tell her that he was afraid. She'd think he was a coward. "But I'm telling you now, so…there."

 

He couldn't read her expression anymore, but he didn't have to. Naminé moved forward and gave him the tiniest peck on the corner of his mouth.

 

He lost every ounce of control that he thought he'd had.

 

Roxas kissed her. Not on the cheek, not on the temple, not on the forehead. It was the kiss that he'd dreamt of for so long. He was completely overwhelmed…but he could honestly say that this was the happiest he'd ever been since his mother had passed. Their lips moved against one another's sloppily, both greedily and happily taking what they needed from the other. The ache in his chest had faded; the sadness was no more; the loneliness was forgotten.

 

Some time passed, and after he was sure no one was going to jump out of his closet with a camera and announce the name of some prank show, he allowed himself to relax. His hands instinctively moved to her waist, and eventually down to her thighs. She let him push her backwards, and he shuddered at the very thought of going that far with her as he settled himself between her legs.

 

He was so physically and emotionally invested in her that he didn't realize what was happening to his shirt until it was blocking the way to her lips. Roxas swore softly as his favorite girl pulled the fabric over his head and carelessly flung it to the side. This was the most confident he'd ever seen her in her life. Ironically, having her look up at him like that made him feel incredibly insecure. Was this how she felt every day of her life: small and unimportant with the nagging feeling something bad is about to happen hanging on her shoulders?

 

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

 

He blinked rapidly, shaking those thoughts from his head. "Nothing! Nothing, I swear."

 

His hands trembled terribly as he reached down to pull at her oversized sweater. She seemed reluctant at first, but with a few encouraging kisses, he was able to get it off of her. He paused again to take in the sight before him. The last time Roxas had seen her in a V-neck shirt was back in middle school, and she didn't have all those scars back then. He could have prevented all of them if he had asked her out before Riku.

 

"It only gets worse from here. I…I'm sorry," Naminé mumbled.

 

"No, _don't_ apologize for that." He reconnected their lips before she could say anything to stop him, as if anything would. His hands traveled beneath her shirt, the pads of his fingers brushing the angry patterns of her raised skin. Those scars would probably never go away, but he could make all her awful thoughts go away. He just had to love her better than anyone else ever had. Her father, her mother, _Riku_ , everyone.

 

Roxas knew he could fix her. Real love would fix her, and she wouldn't have to get it from those stupid romance books anymore. He could do it. He _would_ do it.

 

Nobody else had the right to touch her the way he did.

 

Nobody else could try to love her the way he did.

 

Nobody.

 

_Nobody._

 

* * *

 

Naminé was absolutely horrified.

 

There Roxas was, looking incredibly embarrassed and torn up about something she didn't even remember happening. No wonder he'd gotten so angry with her. She should have tried harder to remember. She should have known that something was off, or that something had changed between them, but she didn't. He had every right to be angry with her and explode the way he had. "I am so sorry, Roxy."

 

"It's not your fault, Sunshine."

 

"It is! Oh my God, I'm so stupid! I shouldn't have drank anything that night, let alone Hennessy. That's hard liquor and I'd never even had a wine cooler before then. And I should have known something was wrong with you because I'm your best friend. I'm supposed to know when you're okay and when you're not, but I didn't because I'm an idiot. I didn't mean to lead you on at all—"

 

"Sunshine," Roxas spoke firmly. Naminé flinched. "Please stop doing this to yourself. I was the one who assumed you were pretending to forget, and I was the one who blew everything out of proportion. It's my fault. _I'm_ sorry."

 

Naminé still felt like the biggest idiot in the world. All this time, Roxas had felt the same way about her, but was too afraid to tell her because she was too drunk to remember his confession. How was it that she was always finding ways to hurt him? He'd said it wasn't her fault, but she knew better. If she was a better friend, all of this could have been avoided. What an absolute mess.

 

She felt her face heat up as Roxas pressed his lips to her forehead. It didn't calm her down like it might have two weeks ago. "How far did we go?" she mumbled.

 

His body stiffened. Her heart dropped like a cinderblock in the ocean. "Uh…are you sure you want the answer to that?"

 

Swallowing hard, she nodded anyway. Whether she wanted to know or not, she could almost hear Riku's voice in her head telling her she deserved to know. Riku was logical. Riku always made sense. He'd want her to find out. "Yeah."

 

He grimaced. "Very, but also…not very. We didn't have sex, but it came pretty damn close. I pushed up your bra and—"

 

"I don't need a play-by-play, thank you!" she yelled as she quickly sat up. Roxas followed her. There was nothing else for her to do and nowhere for her to go, so she pulled her knees up to her chest and tucked her head between them. That was the only place in the entire world that felt safe: right there in her little ball. Nothing could get to her, not even the memories of the past two weeks. She just needed to think.

 

Roxas, however, moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her tiny form. She squeezed her eyes shut as he buried his face between her shoulder blades. "It's my fault. Drinking was a stupid idea, and I should have known not to trust a word you said to me. But Nam...I am so confused. I've exhausted every bit of patience I have trying to figure you out. Just tell me what you want.”

 

She forced herself to breathe deeply in order to stave off yet another panic attack. This had to stop. She was tired of playing Guess Who with her feelings and allowing others to make her feel bad about herself. She was tired of feeling bad about herself. She was tired of being tired. If someone she trusted could just look in her eye and promise her that there was more to life than constantly craving the sting of a razor blade, pining after her best friend, and feeling worthless all the time, she would really appreciate it. If they could just promise her that it would get better, she'd listen.

 

It wasn't fair how Roxas had pushed all of this on her weak shoulders. Why couldn't he decide? What did _he_ want? Besides, Naminé was notorious for misunderstanding people and their intentions. There was no way for her to know if this was real; it could have been a part of some cruel plan Olette and his other horrible friends thought up just to make a fool out of her. With the way he'd acted at the arcade before, she wouldn't have put it past him to play with her feelings.

 

Or was she a bad person for thinking he could be capable of such a thing?

 

"What do _you_ want Roxas?" Naminé asked in a voice that was as small as she felt in that moment.

 

Warm lips touched the back of her neck, and her blood went cold. That was one of the few patches of skin on her upper body that wasn't littered with ugly scars. "You." His voice was barely above a whisper, but she heard it as clear as day. Why did that make her even more anxious than she was before? Hearing him say that was supposed to make her happy. There was supposed to be a weight lifted off of her shoulders and everything was supposed to be better now. After years of waiting for him to admit that he had feelings for her…it didn't feel as good as she thought it would.

 

It would probably take some time. After all, a lot of awful things had been running through her head lately. Once it all wore off and she got used to having him around again, everything would fall into place.

 

"And…this isn't a joke?"

 

He scoffed. "Why would I joke about something as serious as this? Do you not trust me?"

 

No…she didn't. Did that make her a bad friend? One misunderstanding happens and all trust goes out of the window? She couldn't tell him that. It would break his heart.

 

"Y-Yeah. Of course I trust you."

 

"So, if I asked you to be my girlfriend right now…what would you say?"

 

How was she supposed to answer that? Her head was telling her that it would probably be a good idea to wait and see what his true intentions were. _Logic_ was telling her that people don't get into huge arguments, then start dating because of a few pretty words and a weak apology.

 

Her heart, however, was telling her that if she didn't take this opportunity, she was a fool. This was what she had been waiting for. It didn't matter that he'd disappeared before; he was right there with her, offering himself to her. Denying him because of the tiny grudge she still had against him would not only be stupid and childish, but completely ungrateful. What if this was their last chance to get it together and actually _get together?_

 

The ball was in her court. If she really had to choose between what she really wanted and what she most likely needed…then…

 

* * *

 

He was more than a little disappointed to find that she wasn't in bed next to him come morning.

 

Despite the cold indention on what used to be her side of the bed, he was happy. The impossible had happened last night and he was on top of the world. Not even his slight hangover could put a damper on his mood. Naminé finally knew how he felt about her. He could finally have her.

 

Yawning, he dragged himself out of bed and stood, using the wall to steady himself when he began to stagger. After waiting a few seconds for his head to stop swimming and his vision to clear, he exited the room. Of course he was bubbling with excitement at the thought of seeing her after last night, but he had to find her first. Being away from her made him feel restless and uneasy.

 

Naminé wasn't in the hallway or the bathroom, and she wasn't in the kitchen either. His brow furrowed as he walked into the living room to check there; he found her curled up in a ball on the floor in front of the couch. "What are you doing—?"

 

"Shhhh!" the small blonde hissed as she grabbed the sides of her head. "You're really loud."

 

Chuckling, he dared to step closer. He had forgotten this was her first time drinking. "Coffee makes it better. Want me to make you some?"

 

"Yes please…"

 

Roxas happily set off to make it for her, making it much stronger she normally liked. He knew it was just coffee, but…it was already starting to get to his head. He felt sort of like a husband making breakfast for his wife. Imagine if they actually were married—his mother would be hitting cartwheels in Heaven. It was no secret that she had wanted the two of them together. He wanted them together …Were they together already?

 

It would have been best not to assume, but then how was he supposed to explain what happened the previous night? He'd seen parts of her that he was never able to explore before and there was no coming back from that. They _had_ to be together at this point.

 

One cup of coffee later, he sauntered into the living room to sit beside the blonde who looked a lot more stable. "Coffee suitable for a hungover queen," he grinned. Naminé gratefully took the mug from him—he made sure that it was her favorite one—and sipped. Her face instantly screwed up in the cutest way when she realized how bitter it was. He saw her about to spit and quickly added, "Swallow it. It'll help."

 

Naminé did as she was told, and she looked even more disgusted after it was down. He was so proud of her for listening. "This tastes like a stopped up toilet," she complained.

 

Roxas laughed, letting his head rest against the couch as he leaned backwards. By now, his alcohol tolerance was pretty high, so his hangovers didn't affect him as bad. All he had to do was stay still for the majority of the day, drink a lot of water, and he'd be just fine. Naminé, on the other hand, would need to be looked after. He didn't need her vomiting all over the furniture or the carpet.

 

But the laughter didn't last long. He knew that sooner or later, they would have to talk about last night. So…why not start sooner? "Let me know when you're head's feeling a little better."

 

"Why? We going somewhere?"

 

"No, I just want to talk." Naminé froze. She was just about to lift the mug to her lips for a second sip until he said that. He noticed and rolled his eyes, then immediately regretted doing that. He didn't want her to think he was annoyed with her because she was quick to pick up on stuff like that. "It's not a bad talk."

 

"You sure?"

 

Roxas tilted his head in her direction and gave her a sweet, yet slightly sarcastic smile. "I promise."

 

The blonde held up her index finger and took several quick sips of the bitter drink. She shuddered in disgust. "As long as you talk low, we can talk now," she sighed. "Go ahead."

 

How was he supposed to broach the subject? Roxas was pretty sure that it was a bit too blunt to out we almost fucked last night, but he also didn't want to drag it out and beat around the bush, lest he make things awkward and uncomfortable for the both of them. He squinted, gazing at the roof as if it would suddenly endow him with the right words to say. The last thing he wanted to do was blow something else out of proportion and fuck this up. They could have a civilized conversation about this.

 

"Okay, question," he started, purposely stressing every damned syllable. "How do you feel about last night?"

 

A relieved smile came to her face as she exhaled deeply. "Last night was great. That was the most fun I've had in awhile, actually. I mean obviously I feel like crap now because of the alcohol, but it was amazing."

 

He smiled. This was a little too easy. Almost too good to be true. "Awesome, awesome. So…what does this mean for us?"

 

She looked a little confused, but the smile on her face remained. "It means we're…doomed to spend the day nauseated and sad? I don't know. What's it supposed to mean?"

 

Had she forgotten about…?

 

No. No, she couldn't have. Roxas remembered every last detail of the night before with a frightening accuracy, so Naminé had to have remembered it too. You don't just forget about things like that. That must have meant she was purposely dodging the subject. He didn't want to pressure her to talk about it if she was embarrassed and regretted what happened, which she most likely did. A humorless chuckle escaped him as he stared straight ahead. This felt like a joke. He felt like a joke.

 

Of course she didn't want to be with him. Riku was the one she wanted. He couldn't compare to Riku: the cheating scumbag who didn't even have to be around her in order to affect her emotionally. Roxas suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Everything he'd said to her the night before didn't even matter. He had never been that honest with anyone in his entire life and she didn't fucking care. Not even the mention of his mother could sway her. She honestly, truly did not want him. He felt used.

 

"I think I'm gonna throw up," he muttered.

 

"Same," she giggled. "I'm never drinking with you again."

 

Another laugh that meant absolutely nothing came out as he stood and retreated into the hallway as quickly as he could.. Once there, he clicked the lock shut and emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl…that really needed to be cleaned. Huh. Now he understood why his mom used to get so pissed at him and his dad for not cleaning it. Without her, things quickly went to shit.

 

No pun intended.

 

After getting most of the toxic substance out of his stomach, and dry heaving for a solid five minutes, he moved away. The skin of his back prickled as it touched the cool wall behind him, but that did nothing to soothe the burn of acid in his throat, the fiery anger that he felt deep in his bones, and the heat of embarrassment on his face and neck. Naminé meant the world to him…and she'd used him. He'd been nothing more than her rebound guy. She had no right to do that to him. She…

 

…was probably getting back at him for ruining everything. Whether he wanted to admit it out loud or not, Roxas knew he was one of the main reasons why her relationship with Riku didn't work out. His jealousy had come between them too many times and Riku probably got tired of it. That's why he cheated on her. Naminé kept putting Roxas first and he couldn't stand it, so he found someone else. He'd made it clear that he didn't like the constant "Roxas drama." It was all his fault and Naminé knew that.

 

Although he didn't like it, he understood it. Naminé was happy with Riku, and he couldn't be happy for her. He'd been a little too pushy. He'd sheltered her from the world and kissed every scratch and scrape she'd gotten in life. He was always around. It was time to accept that he wasn't her husband, he wasn't her father, and he wasn't her boyfriend. She could do things all on her own without him being such a helicopter best friend. Naminé needed space. Roxas needed to take a step back. A huge one. This was his wake up call.

 

Breathing deeply, he let his eyes slide shut. This wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't make him happy, but Naminé needed him. She needed him to back off; distance himself; forget last night ever happened. He could do that. He would do anything for her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter mentions self harm, (including a not so nice conversation about self harm) cheating, physical abuse, and implies sexual activity.
> 
> Disclaimer: The scenes you are about to read are not intended to be romantic in any capacity. Please do not think that this is how people in healthy relationships are supposed to behave.

Naminé didn't get a ride to school the next morning. Instead, she popped her earbuds in and took the long walk all by herself. It was truly refreshing to just spend time alone; no Riku, no Roxas, no jock assholes, and no bitchy dance team girls. Her shoes thumped against the ground to the timing of the bass in the song, bringing a smile to her face. Either she was a major dork or that was just really funny.

 

The air in that particular area smelled like gasoline and car exhaust, but she didn't mind. When was the last time she had walked to or from school—early sophomore year? It was before Roxas had gotten his permit and started chauffeuring her around. No, she had walked to school the morning after she and Roxas had stopped talking, but she was too heartbroken to enjoy it. This time around, she could actually stop, look around, and do whatever she wanted without being subtly rushed to get to school by a dumb boy.

 

She still arrived quicker than she wanted to. It had become habitual for her to keep going the usual route at the usual pace. No matter, she would just have to remember to take her time tomorrow morning.  _ If _ Roxas let her walk on her own again, that is.

 

The moment she entered through the double doors of the school, she saw a hallway filled with gloomy faces and hushed whispers. The very atmosphere was heavy and sad, which was odd because this was usually the time of year that everyone was chatting excitedly about prom. Frowning, she plucked the white buds from her ears and cautiously walked further into the hallway. It was as if one loud sound or one wrong step would damage their entire reality.

 

_ It was his own fault. He should have known better. _

 

_ It's fake. This site isn't even reliable. _

 

_ So who was the one drinking? _

 

_ This is crazy. I feel so bad for his parents. _

 

_ I wonder how Roxas feels about this… _

 

Naminé wasn't usually the type to meddle in things that had nothing to do with her. She would have minded her business and kept on to her destination under any other circumstance, but she knew she had to figure out what this was about the second she'd heard his name. If he was involved in something bad, surely she could speak up for him and clear his name. They'd have to believe her, she knew him better than anyone at that school and everyone knew it.

 

She spotted a girl with bright blue hair that she remembered taking a class with the previous year and went up to tap her on the shoulder—which she definitely wouldn't have done if she hadn't remembered that the girl was polite to a fault. When she turned around, everyone could see her red, puffy eyes. Now she felt kind of bad for disturbing her. "Um…sorry to bother you. I just wanted to know why everyone looks so upset."

 

The girl gave her a sad smile as she dabbed at the corner of her eye with a folded tissue. "I'm sorry. I'm  _ really _ sorry," she sniffed. Naminé's brow wrinkled as the girl looked back at her friends, who all wore pitiful expressions as they shook their heads. The girl sighed, "Roxas told us not to tell you."

 

He did what?

 

" _ What? _ So...the whole school is in tragedy mode and I can't know why because Roxas said so? Does it have something to do with me?" 

 

Naminé feared the absolute worst. Had he told everybody about yesterday? Her chest tightened as all of the worst possible scenarios started to rush through her head at the speed of light.

 

"Sort of," she replied. "Talk to Roxas. He'll tell you."

 

Naminé exhaled her relief.  _ Sort of _ wasn't a no, but it also wasn't a yes. God, how could she think he, of all people, would mess with her like that? She needed to get a grip. The world didn't revolve around her, and she highly doubted that the entire school would conspire against one defenseless person…again. Apparently, this depressing situation included her somehow. She kept her guard up just in case.

 

The further down the hallway she traveled, the sadder everyone's expressions got. She even saw some people sobbing and being comforted by friends. The one thing she paid a little extra attention to was that every group of friends she passed, their eyes seemed to jump to her and follow her as she walked. Naminé felt like a small fish swimming through a sea of sharks—except these sharks were too preoccupied to make a meal out of her. It was strange.

 

She dipped her head down as she quickly made her way to her locker and opened it. The scent of the perfume she'd wasted a while ago was still strong, and it brought her a sense of comfort. Naminé shut her eyes, inhaled deeply, and pulled her bag in front of her so that she could put her things into her locker. That's when she felt a pair of hands grab her waist and tug her backwards. She squeaked her surprise and whirled around to face their owner, and was met with a pair of pretty blue eyes and an easy smile.

 

" _ Jesus _ , Roxas…" she breathed.

 

He laughed softly, as if it was a secret he didn't want anybody else in the hall to know. "Did I scare you?"

 

"Yes! I'm already freaked out because everyone keeps watching me and staring at me and it—"

 

Roxas gently lifted her chin with his thumb and index finger, and connected their lips. She didn't know if it was her own brain malfunctioning or if everyone in the hall had really stopped existing, but everything around them had gotten quiet. The whole world was empty except for the two of them. Her cheeks went up in flames as he pressed their foreheads together. "Don't worry about them. Okay?"

 

"Okay," she breathed, trying to regain control of herself. It was just a tiny kiss. They'd kissed way more the day before. "Please tell me what's going on."

 

Roxas looks off to the side for a second. "What do you mean?"

 

"I mean what's wrong with everybody today? When I asked this girl I used to take class with, she said you told her not to tell me what's going on? What's that about?"

 

He shrugged as he moved away from her, and looked over his shoulder. "I really don't know who "this girl" is or what she's talking about. I just got to school, how could I tell anyone anything? Are you sure she didn't mean Sora? People get us confused all the time. You remember what happened last year?"

 

Naminé eyed him warily. Something was wrong, but she couldn't tell what. He looked extremely tense and uneasy. His eyes kept moving around and he keeps looking over his shoulder. "That was the front office that mixed things up, and  _ that _ was because you two have the same last name. I'm sure every student here knows your face by now. She specifically said  _ you _ told her not to tell me."

 

"And  _ I'm _ specifically saying I don't know what this chick is talking about," he frowned. "Who is this girl anyway?"

 

Naminé bit her lip, feeling a little ridiculous. She didn't even know the girl's name. "Uh…she had like…blue hair. Kinda tall…"

 

Roxas raised an eyebrow. He didn't look the least bit amused. "Now how am I going to tell someone something when you don't even know who it is or if she really knows me? Believe it or not, I don't know everyone in this school. She could have easily lied to you."

 

That wasn't enough for Naminé. Something still felt wrong and she intended to get to the bottom of it. "Would you lie to me?"

 

Roxas tilted his head to the side, his playful smirk morphing into one of mock offense. "Okay, I know I've done some fucked up shit in the past, but do you really think I'd lie to you?  _ You _ —my favorite person in the entire world?"

 

Naminé pondered this as he slowly pulled her into his arms. Her unease began to melt away as she laid her head comfortably on his chest, letting her eyes close. She honestly couldn't remember a time where he had lied to her. So why was she accusing him? Girls were supposed to trust their boyfriends. Roxas was her boyfriend. She…trusted him. If she didn't, there would be no point in being with him.

 

"No," she mumbled.

 

"All right, then. Forget these guys and just skip with me today. I don't feel comfortable around all these crybabies," he grimaced as he took a look around.

 

She snorted. He was always looking for an excuse to cut class. The senioritis had really set in. "I am not going to give you a reason to continue your delinquency."

 

"But it's not just for me, it's for you too. You know how you get when there's too much attention on you. You really wanna have a panic attack in front of all these people? 'Cause from the looks of it, they're gonna keep staring at you for whatever reason."

 

Absolutely not. The last time she'd done that, people thought she was having a heart attack. They later got mad at her and accused her of faking it once they found out it was "nothing serious." A second time wouldn't do her any good. Still, she couldn't just skip. Her mother would find out and probably ground her until she went off to college.

 

"I don't think that's—"

 

Roxas pouted, thumbs slowly gliding against the small of her back as he tilted his head down. His mouth was right next to her ear. "Pleeeeeease, baby?"

 

College wasn't that far away anyway.

 

"Fine, but if my mom chews me out because the school calls—"

 

"I'll tell her it was my fault and take all the blame," he promised with a proud smile. "She's not going to do anything anyway, not when the stress of her going to see your father again became too much for you, and you collapsed in the parking lot. I, of course, swooped in like the brave hero I am and whisked you away because our classmates were teasing you and the school nurse would have made it worse like last time." He added a sly wink to this, and Naminé was floored by his ability to lie on the spot like that.

 

"Wow. Way to convince me that you're not a liar."

 

"Oh hush. I'd never lie to you. Just  _ for _ you," Roxas grinned.

 

She made a noise of disapproval as she gathered her stuff out of the locker. No use in leaving it there if she wasn't going to go to class. "Whatever."

 

"Don't whatever me, b—" Roxas stopped on a dime. "B-Blue…pants. Your pants are blue and I don't like them."

 

Naminé laughed as she shut her locker. Dating was a sudden and drastic change for the both of them. He would have to get used to not calling her various insults all the time, and she would have to get used to his physical affection. She took this one slip up with a grain of salt. "I'm wearing a skirt, but okay."

 

Roxas looked down at her as if he hadn't noticed at all. And he probably hadn't. "Oh, what?! You've got your legs out in the open for a change? Jeans who?"

 

"Shut up. I hate you," Naminé giggled.

 

"I don't believe that for a second." 

 

Seeing the love in his eyes as he led her towards the only unmonitored exit in the school made all the terrible bullshit from the past feel like a mosquito bite. It was still there and a bit annoying, but it would be okay if she didn't give it the attention it demanded and scratch at it.

 

* * *

_ Today is the day. _

 

Even though she and Riku hadn't spoken in a whole week, she knew that things couldn't continue on the way they were going. How could you be in a relationship with someone you didn't talk to—especially after the not-so-glamorous exposure of her… _ habit _ .

 

She pulled the ends of her sleeves down to cover her hands as she climbed the steps to his porch. Level-headed people confronted their problems head on, right? It was high time she behaved like one.

 

Exhaling shakily, she rang the doorbell. There was no answer. Maybe he was in the shower or something. It was seven o'clock, so neither of his parents were home. That meant Riku was probably showering with his music turned a little too loud again. She decided to press it two more times just in case.

 

Some time passed and the door finally opened. Riku's incredibly long hair was wet and he was only in a towel from the waist down. So he  _ was _ in the shower.

 

"Naminé?"

 

She blinked, cursing herself for losing focus just that quickly. He could have dressed himself properly. "Uh, hi! Sorry I didn't call first. I just…our last conversation's been bothering me, so I just wanna get some stuff off my chest."

 

He looked a bit shell shocked at first, but seemed to recover quickly. "Roxas' impulsive nature is really rubbing off on you," he chuckled.

 

"I guess so," she laughed awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. It seemed to her that it was only okay to talk about Roxas whenever Riku mentioned him. "Is this a bad time?"

 

"It's never a bad time, sweetheart." He offered her a charming smile as he opened the door a little wider for her to enter. Naminé stepped inside slowly, if not cautiously. This was a drastic change from the last time they talked. She had expected him to blow up again and be angry, not smile and laugh at her. It made her uncomfortable. Things were never this easy.

 

The faint sound of bass pounding rhythmically from the upstairs bathroom hit her ears. How in the world did she know him so well? It had taken her entire life to figure out Roxas, and he still confused her sometimes. But Riku...she could confidently say she knew him. The thought gave her chills. What if she messed this all up?

 

The front door was shut, and Riku left her for a bit so that he could dress himself. When he returned, the panic came with it. Now that Naminé was there, the speech she had planned out in her head and agonized over for the past forty-eight hours felt really stupid and inauthentic. Even if it came out sounding like complete and utter crap, at least she was trying. That was something that she was proud of. She wouldn't break up with him and run away from the situation like Roxas had suggested numerous times. Even though her chest was tight, even though this truly felt like the end of the world, she was facing it.

 

"Okay," Naminé breathed, pushing her hair behind her ears. "This isn't at all easy for me to talk about, but…you deserve the truth. You're probably confused and scared. So am I. The only thing I can do is explain this the best way I can and hope you'll understand."

 

Riku avoided her eye as he nodded. "I'm listening."

 

There. The preamble was out there. Now it was only a matter of gathering the scattered pieces of the rest of her speech and dictating them to him in a way that made sense. She looked down at her arms, held her breath, and pulled her sleeves up to her elbow. His eyes widened as he looked at them. Dark scars, light scars, thick ones, thin ones, older ones…fresher ones. She swallowed hard as his eyes slowly roamed over each one. That same look of repulsion returned to his face and it frightened her.

 

"This is what happens…when I get too overwhelmed. Sometimes I can't h-handle certain situations and it feels like this is the only way to get through it."

 

Riku frowned as he looked up at her. "This is the  _ only _ way you can get through it? What are you trying to get through? Where did you even get this shit from?"

 

"I don't know…I don't know. I just saw it in a movie once and—"

 

"You saw someone in a goddamn movie cut themselves and suddenly thought that it was okay for you to do it too?!" he shouted as he jumped to his feet. "Are you serious?! How the hell am I supposed to understand this when it sounds like you're following a stupid trend?!"

 

Naminé's mouth hung open as she mentally searched through the disorganized pile of papers in her speech, trying to pull one out that could calm him down and make him see her point of view. It wasn't just the movie that caused this. It was…

 

It was…

 

What was she trying to say? She couldn't think straight.

 

In a rush to get something out in the open, she blurted out her default catchphrase and hoped that he would stop yelling. 

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Naminé couldn't function properly when people yelled at her—it scrambled her thoughts and made her feel like an idiot.

 

Riku pinned her with a glare that could rival Roxas' at his worst. It was mean and hateful and judgemental. "You're sorry?" he hissed.

 

Somehow, Naminé knew that was the final straw before the storm even hit.

 

"You. Are. Always. Sorry! I ask you to spend more time with me, you ditch me for Roxas and say I'm sorry! Roxas constantly sticks his nose where it doesn't belong and disrespects our relationship. Instead of making him stop, you say I'm sorry! Roxas manipulates you: I'm sorry! He hurts your feelings:  _ I'm sorry! _ I ask you to explain why the fuck you're doing something as stupid as cutting yourself and the only thing you can give me is a shitty apology?!"

 

"I-I'm so—"

 

"Don't you fucking dare, Naminé! Do you—?!" Riku dragged his hands down his face and exhaled deeply. "Do you even realize how emotionally draining you are? I am constantly worried about you, constantly looking out for you, constantly trying to help you become a better, stronger person, trying to help you love yourself the way I love you, and it feels like I'm wasting my time. I'm at my wits end with you. Please tell me something to make me believe that you're not just some sick freak who gets off on playing with sharp objects.  _ Please _ ."

 

Naminé couldn't utter a single word in response. Her stomach was in knots, her chest felt like it would pop like a balloon if she took too deep of a breath, and her vision was clouded by the tears that had begun to fall somewhere in the middle of his rant. She was saddened by everything that she had heard, and she desperately wanted him to understand, but…at this point, what else was there for her to say? Could she change his mind? The way he was looking at her, she doubted it. How could she make him understand something even she didn't understand?

 

If she absolutely had to put it into words…she was sad and restless and lost and hurt, but she didn't know why. She couldn’t take being around a lot of people anymore. She constantly felt like a burden to everyone that chose to get involved with her and she felt as if no one could really love her. She was a boring, useless waste of space who would never amount to anything in life. All she did was hurt people like the selfish, melodramatic bitch that she was. The only things she thought about anymore were why she felt this way, why she was here, and why the people in her life continued to put up with her. It was always  _ her and her problems _ , unless she distracted herself by trying to fix someone else's. Even then, she found a way to twist things and make everything about herself, didn't she?

 

She talked to much.

 

She cried too much.

 

She cared too much about what others thought about her.

 

She was just. Too. Much.

 

That was the moment when she decided she didn't want to explain it to him anymore. Not only would it sound like nonsense to him, but he was showing her that he was one of those people: the ones who thought they knew it all because they weren't going through it themselves.

 

"What's going on down here?"

 

Naminé looked to the top of the stairs and saw a dark haired girl wrapped in a towel trod down the steps with a look of mixed annoyance and worry on her features. She instantly recognized the girl as her former friend Yuffie from middle school. In front of her, she could hear Riku mutter a panicked oh my God under his breath. A wave of white hot anger washed over Naminé as she quickly yanked down her sleeves and stood. "What the hell was going on up  _ there? _ "

 

Yuffie placed her hands on her hips as she glared at the silver haired boy. "I think we're both asking the wrong questions."

 

All of Riku's anger from before had dissolved into terror as he shifted his gaze back and forth between them. "I can explain—"

 

"Can you?” Naminé spoke up. It was very rare for it to happen, but every once in a while, her anger could make her brave. This was one of those moments. "You're yelling at me about how much you love and care about my "emotionally draining" self, but you're seeing someone behind my back? You have the  _ gall _ to get angry at me about anything?!"

 

He was mentally grasping for straws. She could see it all over his face. The proud, confident Riku was now backed into a corner by two girls that didn't even stand as tall as his chin. "I-I thought we were over after you left! I waited for you to call but you never did!"

 

"That's bullshit, Nami. He told me you two had a big fight and that you were done. Gave me this whole bullshit speech about how he wanted something to "numb the pain" with," Yuffie frowned, eyes never leaving his—dare she say—frightened form.

 

Yes, she was still allowed to call her Nami. The two weren't close anymore, but Yuffie was the only one of her ex-friends who hadn't been awful to her after they separated. They still smiled and exchanged polite greetings in passing whenever they saw one another. Still, Naminé hadn't expected her to side with her. She wished they'd never drifted apart.

 

"You know, I feel sorry for you," Yuffie sneered at him. "You threw away a good girl because you wanted to be stupid. I'm getting my stuff. Lose my number, douche."

 

Riku called after, but the only thing he received in response was a middle finger. He sighed and rubbed his temples when she left, probably not even realizing that a mortified blonde still stood in front of him.

 

"I really can't believe you," she muttered.

 

"I don't have time for this, Naminé."

 

"You don't have ti—" A bitter laugh bubbled out of her throat as she stared in disbelief. "You don't have time for this?! That's what you say when you get caught cheating?! You scummy piece of shit!"

 

"Well look at that, you have a type," Riku spat. "All you ever seem to attract in life is scummy people and negative vibes. You push the people who actually give a damn about you away, and you let people who clearly don't want anything good for you stay in your life. What the hell does that say about you?"

 

"It says I'm an idiot for trusting people like you and not listening to Roxas when he told me not to date your pathetic ass in the first place."

 

"Oh, you are the last person who should be calling anyone pathetic. Now leave."

 

Naminé's eyes widened as he pointed towards the front door. He couldn't be serious. " _ Excuse _ me?!"

 

"Get out of my house, Naminé. We're done. I could never be with someone who cuts themselves for fun."

 

She scoffed, digging out his bracelet she'd brought along with her just in case things went south and she needed to give it back. Earlier, the thought of him leaving her scared her to death. Now she couldn't care less. "Screw you," she hissed as she hit him in the chest with the expensive jewelry. He didn't flinch, blink, anything. That little display of anger wasn't enough. She wanted a reaction. She wanted to hurt him and feel just as awful as she did in that moment.

 

"You know…I don't even know why I'm angry with you right now," she spoke calmly. "You were just a cheap replacement for Roxas. Literally, the only reason I got with you was because I couldn't be with him, and then I grew attached to you. Should have just kept it casual like I initially intended to. That's my mistake."

 

Riku's dead expression crumbled; his jaw was now slack, eyes wide, cheeks reddened in what she wanted to believe was embarrassment. He struggled to inhale. None of that had been true, but she absolutely loved the effect that it had on him. It actually looked like he still gave a damn about her.

 

Just as she was about to pile on more lies to hurt him, he grit his teeth. "Then go choke on his dick and die."

 

For some reason, those words hurt. They really hurt, but she refused to let him win. "Riku," she started, sucking down every ounce of pain that she felt, then converted it to anger. She knew him well, so she knew exactly how to hurt him beyond repair. "You always said you wanted to stick to your morals and be a good person because your friend Sora made you doubt yourself. His very aura made you feel inferior—like you would eventually slip into some sort of darkness. You've felt this way since you were a kid. How does it feel to lose yourself to that very darkness you've been running from all your life?"

 

The silver haired boy’s jaw dropped, color draining from his face as his eyes widen. He looked horrified, defeated. She wanted to laugh.

 

"I didn't lose myself…"

 

"You sure about that? You just told someone you supposedly loved to die. Sora never would have said something like that because unlike you, he's a good person. You're  _ nothing _ ."

 

Naminé knew she'd won when he'd collapsed to his knees and fell against the arm of the couch. He sat there, propped up like a doll on display. There was barely any life in his eyes, and she loved what she was seeing. "I-I'm so…"

 

He couldn't even form a coherent thought. Naminé struggled not to smile. "You're what?  _ Sorry? _ I know. Goodbye, Riku."

 

She felt ten pounds lighter as she left his house.

 

* * *

Roxas was a sucker for sea-salt ice cream. If anyone wanted to kidnap him, all they had to do was roll up in a van, offer him some sea-salt, and he was theirs.

 

Naminé watched him with a small smile as he sucked on the corner of the baby blue colored treat. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, his mind seemed to be somewhere else entirely. He only stared blankly at the open space in front of him, fingers coated in melted blue. The two blonds sat on the freshly cut grass of the park, surrounded by empty wrappers and the crumpled sheets of notebook paper they'd been using as makeshift napkins. It wasn't an adventure filled skip day, but it was better than being at school for sure.

 

"You okay?"

 

Roxas blinked stupidly, turning his attention to her. She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing at the thin trail of drool and ice cream that stretched from the corner of his mouth to the bottom of his chin. "Uh, yeah! Just got lost in thought." Whatever he was thinking about must have been really important.

 

Giggling softly, she grabbed one of the paper balls and wiped the cream off of his face. "I could tell. You still eat like a goober."

 

He rolled his eyes as he tossed the treat to the side.  _ It's not littering if it's ice cream _ , he often claimed.  _ When it rains, it'll wash away. The earth solves its own problems _ . Naminé knew he only said that so she would get off his case, and that no amount of nagging would get him to stop throwing his ice cream on the ground.

 

"If I'm a goober, what does that make you?" he sneered playfully.

 

"A goober's babysitter."

 

"Babysitter?!"

 

Naminé's laughter echoed through the park. It was obnoxious and unattractive, but she didn't care. She hadn't laughed that hard in weeks. Only Roxas could make her laugh like that. She'd like to say that she'd missed him, but being in the park with him acting like he always had around her made the past few weeks feel like a horrible nightmare. A nightmare that she'd had a terrible reaction to, but it was all okay now. She had her best friend back.

 

Suddenly, she felt something like a stick hit her in the face. Shocked out of her amusement, she looked down in horror to see his ice cream stick succumb to gravity and stain her beige sweater blue. Naminé gasped as she tried to pluck it away, but that only made things worse. By the time the stick actually touched the ground, she was covered in blue. She glared at Roxas, who stared with a mix of horror and amusement on his face. His hand was still suspended in air from the initial throw.

 

"…I am  _ so _ sorry," he snickered.

 

"Are you really?! This is my favorite sweater!"

 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" Roxas laughed. When he realized that she wasn't laughing with him, he quickly sobered up. "No seriously, I'm sorry. Look, my dad's probably still at work. We can go home, wash your sweater, and come back if you'd like."

 

Naminé rolled her eyes. She wasn't all that upset about it. It'd be pretty stupid to throw a fit over a sweater. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

 

"It's obviously not fine, so I'm going to worry about it. Honestly, I just thought the stick would bounce off the side of your face, not get on your clothes. Believe me, if I saw any of that coming, I wouldn't have done it."

 

Naminé held back a smile. Roxas was a lot more apologetic this time around, and it sounded a lot more sincere. It was just some dumb stains, she didn't expect him to take it so seriously. Was this what it felt like to be dating Roxas? Did he try this hard with any of his other girlfriends?

 

"Remember, I can't read your mind," Roxas spoke softly as he tapped her forehead with an ice-creamy finger. "What's going on in there?"

 

"Nothing," she said honestly. A tiny smirk played on her features as she stood and motioned for him to follow her. "Just thinking of ways to get you back. Maybe I'll pour syrup on your sports jersey when we get to your place."

 

He stared at her in confusion. "So…you're not mad at me?"

 

She gently shook her head. "No. But you  _ are _ going to wash this."

 

"I planned to already, but you told me not to worry about it! Ugh, you're confusingggg!" he whined in a perfectly bratty fashion as he stomped over to his car.

 

"Get back here and pick up your trash!"

 

" _ Ughhhhhh! _ "

 

The ride back to his house was a fun one. Not only did Roxas let her have the aux cord, he also didn't complain about any of the music she played. If she hadn't known any better, she would have accused him of liking it. Riku did the same thing with her choice in foods back when they dated. Maybe once a boy became a boyfriend, they automatically stopped ragging on one of their girlfriend's interests in order to appease her. If that was the case, she would also stop something. He really didn't like it when she said whatever, so maybe she would drop that word from her vocabulary.

 

Roxas did stop by a convenience store to pick up a couple boxes of popcorn to fuel his age-old addiction, and she laughed at the dorky smile that nearly split his cheeks when he returned with them. A few stop signs and a left turn later, they were back on their street. He carefully pulled into his narrow driveway and parked the car.

 

"Ooh, stay here! Let me do a cute boyfriend thing!"

 

Naminé watched with a curious smile as he hopped out of the car, rolled over the hood, and opened the door for her. She hadn't even been able to take off her seatbelt yet. "You're so extra…"

 

He shrugged, though the blush that rose to his cheeks exposed his nonchalant façade. "I just wanna be extra good to you, baby."

 

The nervous blonde inhaled deeply to keep her cool as she stepped down. He smiled sweetly at her as he closed her door and led her to the house. She was anxious, but in a good way. How could she get so excited over skipping school with her best friend turned boyfriend? The skipping school part was new, sure, but nothing had really changed between them, aside from their label.

 

And the kisses. She couldn't forget those.

 

Inside, Roxas dropped his keys in the small tray near the door. "Gimme your sweater so I can wash it."

 

A tiny burst of panic erupted in her chest as she instinctively grabbed the ends of her sleeves. "I can wash it. I know how your machine works."

 

"Yeah, but I'm the one who made the mess. Let me fix it—"

 

"No, it's fine. I'll do it."

 

Roxas blinked slowly, gaze falling into her arms before darting back up. The corner of his mouth dipped down as he shifted his weight to one foot. He was visibly agitated. "I don't care about that, Nam. Just give me the damn sweater."

 

"Can you bring me another sweater, then?" she asked hopefully.

 

"Can you  _ chill out _ and go sit down somewhere? I've seen you without sleeves before and I don't see anything wrong with you. Relax."

 

Face hot, and probably cherry red, Naminé slowly brought her hands to the bottom of her sweater and began to lift it. She shut her eyes as she pulled the thick fabric over her head and handed it to him, making sure to shield most of her face with her hair.

 

" _ Thank you _ ," Roxas spoke, his voice like a sugar rush. "Now sit tight. Or…lay or whatever you wanna do."

 

Naminé kept her eyes shut and her head down until she heard his footsteps start to recede. Her sweater was always a sort of shield for her to hide behind ever since her affair with the razor blade had started. Without it, she was incapable of slipping on her Absent Face. She hated this. Just because Roxas knew about her scars and had seen them before didn't mean she was comfortable being around him with them out in the open.

 

Even in the ninety degree weather, her arms prickled with goosebumps. She looked around for something to cover herself with. Near the front door was a coat rack with a faded red jacket on it. She immediately recognized it as his mother's. Neither him nor his father had touched or moved a single one of her belongings; not the paintings, not the decorations she and Naminé's mother would impulsively buy—everything was still where she'd left it. Naminé bit her lip, taking a quick glance down the hallway Roxas had disappeared into. Would he mind her wearing the jacket?

 

No. It was better to not touch what didn't belong to her. Even though he and his dad often claimed that it was "her house too," it wouldn't feel right. An irritated exhale slipped past her lips as she took a seat on the couch and brought her knees to her chest. Her elbows folded so that she could neatly tuck them in the small space between her thighs and her chest. She took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down, but it didn't seem to be working.

 

"There." Naminé lifted her head at the sound of his voice. The blond sat beside her, one leg folded in front of him on the couch. "Now that your sweater is in the wash, let's talk."

 

That wasn't a part of the plan. If she had known that there was something to talk about, then she wouldn't have skipped with him. He probably counted on that too. Damn it, he should have seen this coming from the way he'd spaced out earlier. The fact that he had even asked her to skip with him in the first place was suspicious. It wasn't like it was Senior Skip Day and he'd wanted her to tag along. It must have had something to do with the weird atmosphere at school.

 

"About…?"

 

Naminé took a quick second to analyze his features. He didn't look angry or upset in any way. He looked worried. "You, me… _ college _ ."

 

"Oh." She was both relieved and upset by that. Was this school thing all in her head? Was she just imagining a building full of gloomy students staring her down as she walked past them all? There was something that she was supposed to know and she wasn't getting answers.

 

Unless she wasn't getting answers because she wasn't supposed to know.

 

And now she had a headache.

 

"Okay. What about you, me, and college?"

 

The worry on his face intensified as he glanced away for a split second. "I just want to know what will be happening so that I can prepare for it when the time comes. Is…Is this just for now and the summer?"

 

"Huh?"

 

Roxas pinched the bridge of his nose. "God, you're slow. The dating!" he laughed. "Are we—can we do long distance? Is that something that you want to do?"

 

She felt a little embarrassed. Of course that's what he was talking about. "Oh! I…I think so? I mean, if you want to see other people during the five years we'll be apart, then—"

 

"Whoa, whoa,  _ whoa _ ," Roxas chuckled, suddenly looking uncomfortable as all hell. "What do you mean five years apart? It's only going to be one year if you don't count Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break."

 

"No…it'll be next year, since I'll still be in high school, and my four years of college. You've already said you got accepted into HBSU and that you wanna go there. I'm staying and going to the university we have here."

 

"That's not what we talked about. You said—" Roxas covered his face with his hand and mumbled something to himself. They never talked about this at all. In fact, he'd never even asked her where she wanted to go. She watched him curiously as he sat up straight and forced a smile. "Sorry. That conversation also happened when we were drunk. We talked about college on your birthday and you agreed to come to HBSU with me."

 

"Ha! I must  _ have _ been drunk. I'm actually really glad you brought this up because I definitely don't want to go there."

 

He made an amused noise in the back of his throat. "Well, it's not like you actually have a choice."

 

Naminé stared at him in disbelief. She was under the impression that this was a serious conversation. She really didn't want to be playful with him because it was important to her. She was a little offended. "That's not funny, Roxas."

 

"I wasn't trying to be."

 

Despite his comfortable smile and soft chuckle, she could tell that he was dead serious. That's when the anger began to replace the disbelief. This was going too far. "Why would you say that?"

 

Roxas suddenly deadpanned. "Because you don't," he said, as if it were a fact. "If we decide to stay together while I go off to college, do you honestly believe I'm going to let you be away from me for five whole years? Hell, the longest I've ever been away from you was two weeks and I hated that. You don't have to like it, but you're coming to HBSU with me, even if I have to drag you by your pretty hair."

 

She took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. No, she wasn't panicking. She just didn't like conversing with Asshole Roxas. Whether he would admit to it or not, he was being the same controlling jerk that he was around his friends and she wasn't going to put up with it.

 

"Um, no," she enunciated carefully, taking her knees away from her chest. "You don't get to decide where I go to further my education. Boyfriend or not, this is a decision I'd like to make for myself. If you want to try and convince me, that's fine, but don't  _ tell _ me where I'm going."

 

"I shouldn't have to convince you. I shouldn't even be having this conversation with you. All I wanted to know was if you wanted to stay with me during our year apart or see other people, which I'm hoping you say no to because that would really suck if we finally got together and it was only for three and a half months."

 

"You say one year as if I actually agreed to go with you…"

 

"You said that like I’m not going to  _ make _ you," Roxas glared. "This is bullshit, Naminé. I didn't get you to skip with me just to come here and argue with you. I wanted to talk about an actual fear that I have and you're harping on the most irrelevant part of the conversation."

 

"Because it's not irrelevant! I get that you're the oldest here, but that doesn't mean you get to make my decisions for me! I want to go to Twilight Town Tech because I don't want to leave this town. You want to go to HBSU because of sports, and that's fine! You can visit during the holidays. I won't mind the long distance as long as I get to see you."

 

"Visiting is great in theory, but you know that wouldn't work out. How can we be sure that we'll stay faithful to one another?"

 

Naminé froze. All of the heat in her body seemed to evaporate. Being cheated on by Riku was one thing. She'd loved him, but she was never  _ in love  _ with him. With Roxas…she was almost certain that she had fallen for him from the start. Even the insinuation of unfaithfulness suddenly left her feeling weak and nauseated. If Roxas ever cheated on her, that would be the thing that finally broke her. There would be no picking up the pieces and putting them back together after that.

 

Her lips parted, but no sound came out. The lump in her throat seemed to hold all of her words safe inside her. It was probably for the best. She didn't want to say anything that would ruin what they'd only recently started. She didn't want to hurt him or make him angry anymore. All she wanted was the freedom to go to whatever school she wanted without feeling like an awful person.

 

"Wait a minute, " Roxas spoke softly. He must have caught on to what she was feeling because now he looked regretful. Tears sprang to her eyes and leaked down her cheeks, and she felt so stupid for crying over him again. But he wiped them away. "I'm not saying that I'll cheat on you, baby. I would never do that. I'm saying…what if while I'm gone, you find someone better than me? What if I come home one day and you don't even want me anymore?"

 

She lifted her wrist to wipe her eyes, and was partially shocked to have skin meet skin. She'd forgotten all about her sweater. Being reminded that her arms were bare made every last scar that marred what was once flawless skin started to burn with newfound embarrassment. Everything was all messed up. The day had started off so good, and now she was crying because of some petty argument. And she'd hurt Roxas' feelings. Why the hell was she so stubborn and annoying? He was just trying to express himself in a very Roxas way like he always did.

 

"That would never happen because there's nobody better than you. I just want to be with you but I'm messing everything up again and I'm sorry."

 

Roxas rushed to gather her in his arms as she choked on her sobs. She shouldn't have been crying. It was just a dumb argument. Why did he care so much about her? Why did he still want to be in her life? He should have left when he had the chance. Roxas was stable, and he used to be happy before she burdened him with all her useless baggage.

 

He gently kissed her forehead, and she thought of the day he'd come to her when his mother had passed. "Don't apologize. I didn't mean to make you cry, Sunshine. I just want to be with you. You know HBSU means everything to me, and I promise it would make you happy if you gave it a shot. Just…how about you enroll for your first year? And if you don't like it after that, you can come back here."

 

She nodded. She didn't want to fight anymore, and she didn't want to complicate things even more. He was trying to compromise because he was a reasonable person. "Okay."

 

"Okay?"

 

Naminé scrubbed the wetness from her face as she forced herself to sit up. His hands lingered on her elbows, and the scars beneath his fingertips were on fire. She didn’t want him to touch her. "Sorry for being dramatic. I just don't like it when people tell me what to do after… _ dad _ ."

 

He sighed. "I should have realized that. I'm sorry. Just promise me that we're forever."

 

"I promise."

 

Roxas offered her a sweet smile. "I finally have you all to myself after all this time. I get scared thinking about shit like distance and other people. I don't want to be away from you, ever. I love you."

 

He kissed her. It was short and sweet. Naminé felt her entire being react to it; to his words; to him. "Roxy—"

 

"Hush. You don't have to say it back just yet. Just let me have you."

 

He pressed his lips to hers again, allowing them to linger a few seconds longer before disconnecting. He kissed her again and again, and was extremely careful with her as if she were something he wasn't even supposed to be touching. That's when Naminé realized that she hadn't been kissing him back out of shock. She found it easy to reciprocate. Her usually loud brain was suddenly quiet and her chest was tight, but not from fear. Naminé was struck with the sudden feeling of…Happiness. This was what she had been waiting for all this time. Her Happiness couldn't be found in anyone or anything else. Just him.

 

A content chuckle fluttered out of her throat as she clung to him, allowing him to unfold her limbs and push her back into his couch. This was finally what it felt like to be Happy. Genuinely, truly Happy. This was what set her soul on fire. She needed him and he needed her. Whatever she could do to make him feel the same way, she would do it because she didn't deserve someone as wonderful and loving as him.

 

If he wanted to have her…damn it, she was already his.

 

* * *

 

The doorbell rang incessantly, making Naminé's splitting headache even worse. All she wanted to do was sit in the dark and be alone. Not because she was depressed or anything. (She smiled and laughed way too much to be considered depressed, according to Roxas.) She just wanted some time to process her thoughts and get them under control before she faced the outside world again. That, and the lights weren't good for her headache. Groaning, she placed her hands over her ears and buried her face between her knees in hopes that it would stop.

 

After a while, it did. But the relief was short lived. Her phone began to vibrate loudly against her wooden dresser. That was almost worse that the doorbell. Stray tears dripped down her face as the awful throbbing got worse. She was also extremely hot and a little dizzy. Someone on the internet said it might be a concussion, and that she probably shouldn't go to sleep, but she was so tired. It wasn't like she could go to the hospital anyway. Sniffling, she picked up her phone just as it had stopped ringing.

 

_ One missed call:  _ **_Riku_ **

 

Sighing, she called him back. Her fingertips were oddly cold, so she pressed them to her forehead to get some type of relief from the pain. He answered almost immediately. "Hey, we're outside!" he yelled. Or maybe everything just seemed ten times louder that day.

 

"I'm sorry…I really don't feel like having company today. I have a really bad migraine."

 

There was another voice in the background. She wasn't surprised. He did say we're outside. Naminé simply shut her eyes again and waited for him to respond. "Rox says his mom has some extra strength pain medicine. Can we bring that up to you?"

 

"Yes, please. Thanks you guys."

 

"No prob, Bob. See you in a little bit."

 

It took them thirty minutes, but they eventually, quietly, made their way into her room. Light flooded the room and she winced. She probably should have warned them to keep the lights off. 

 

"Shit!"

 

"Dude, cut it off!"

 

" _ Sorry _ , fuck…"

 

The room darkened again, leaving the dim glow of the sun peeking from behind the curtains as their only source of light. Bless those boys, but also screw them. They were so stupid, and yet so helpful. "Hey guys…"

 

"Hey pretty lady," Riku almost purred as he sat on her bed beside her. Gross. It almost sounded like he was flirting with her. "How are you feeling?"

 

Naminé leaned into him as he gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders, then held her hand out to accept the pills and a glass of water that Roxas' silhouette offered her. She quickly took them and finished the glass in just a few gulps. "Like crap," she laughed humorlessly.

 

Roxas moved to sit on the other side of her. "How did it start? Like, did your head just start hurting out of nowhere?"

 

Her heart skipped a beat as the memories of that morning ran through her head again. "Uh…no. Dad came back today." The two boys tensed. Especially Roxas. Panicking, she quickly said, "It's okay! He didn't do much this time."

 

"Where is he now?" Roxas demanded.

 

"He's out with my mom. He said he'd leave us alone if she spent the day with him, or whatever. It's really gross and manipulative, but at least I know he won't hurt her."

 

"Yeah, but…how?" Riku asked. "How do you know he won't do that? How is he even allowed to come in and out of your lives and threaten you both like this?"

 

Naminé rolled her eyes, instantly regretting doing so when her head began to throb worse than before. "I'd never say this in any other circumstance, but it's my mom's fault. She says she puts up with it because she's still in love with him, and that's the crappiest excuse I've ever heard in my life. Love could never make you stay with someone who's abusing you," she hissed bitterly. "And I know he won't hit her because unlike me, she won't stand up for herself anymore. That's why  _ I _ got hit this morning."

 

Roxas stood up and left the room quickly, slamming the door behind him. Naminé flinched from the sound, leaning more into the silver haired teen. "I probably shouldn't have told him that…"

 

"Yeah, now he's going to complain about not being able to fight your dad all day," Riku chuckled. The tired blonde made a small noise caught between a scoff and a laugh. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head and sighed heavily. "Have you thought about going to live with Roxas like I said?"

 

"I have. That would never work because the last time I spent the night over there, he called me and demanded I come home to "spend quality time with the family," then threw a fit and stomped over there to bring me home. Roxas' mom is too sick to be putting up with my dad's crap and having to provide for a kid that isn't hers. So no, not an option."

 

He hummed, gently pushing his fingers through her hair. "What if you stayed with me? We obviously have the room, and he has no idea where I stay."

 

Naminé shut her eyes, shaking her head gently. That wouldn't work either. If she went to live with him, where would her mom go? She wasn't in any position to defend herself from that lunatic, and she absolutely refused to call the police on him because he doesn't deserve prison, Naminé. "It's fine. It's not like it's an everyday thing anymore."

 

"No, that's not fine—!"

 

" _ Volume! _ "

 

"Sorry,  _ sorry _ ...but that's not okay. You can't just sit here and live in fear. He's way too comfortable putting his hands on you and I don't fucking like it. Can't...I—we can call the cops, right? What if we call the cops and tell them what your dad's doing?"

 

The blond shook her head again. "My mom made me promise not to call."

 

"Well I didn't make any promises. I'm calling and nobody's going to stop me."

 

Her body jerked awkwardly as he abruptly stood. Naminé hissed in pain. "Riku,  _ don't _ . We can handle it."

 

"Oh right, because you've handled everything so well up until now. Your mom's stupid in love and you're eating fists for breakfast. How do you think that makes me and Roxas feel?"

 

"Okay, that's not fair at all. Neither of you are in this situation. I get that you're worried and I appreciate that, but it's  _ my _ situation. Okay? If you really want to help, just take a nap with me or something."

 

"Take a nap while you could possibly have a concussion? Seems like a great idea."

 

Naminé whined pathetically as she began to massage her temples. He was forever a smartass. "If I knew you were going to be an ass about this, I would have let the both of you ring the doorbell until your fingers fell off…"

 

"I'm not being an ass, Nam, I'm trying to help you! I—!" He snapped his mouth shut once her pained flinch registered. Exhaling slowly, he eased back onto the bed and placed his hand on her knee. "Do you really not understand why I'm freaking out about this?"

 

"Because you care, right?" she deadpanned.

 

"Yeah, that, but it's also so much more than that, Naminé. It's killing me to see you go through this because I…damn it. Give me a minute, okay?"

 

"S-Sure…" she mumbled softly.

 

Just as it seemed he'd gotten himself together, her bedroom door opened. Roxas strolled in with something in both of his hands and used his elbow to hit the lights. Riku seemed to squirm as Roxas sat a plate of hot dogs on the bed. "I made food, so I'm calm now. There's two for each of us. When we're done, Riku and I can go find your dad and beat his ass. Oh, and here's some shades so the light doesn't hurt your head."

 

"Thanks. That might actually help the medicine work faster," Naminé smiled as she took the shades from him. She chose to ignore the comment about her dad because she knew he was just being dramatic. "What were you saying, Riku?"

 

He shrugged, exchanging an odd look with Roxas. "It's…not that important."

 

Naminé raised an eyebrow. She noticed Roxas and Riku…staring at each other? "It kinda seemed important."

 

It was dead silent in the room, and she could have sworn that things were getting tense. After a while, Riku broke the staring competition to smile at her. "Really, it's not important. I was just talking out of my ass, mostly. But I still think you should let me call the cops."

 

Roxas' expression changed to an elated one almost instantly. "You're gonna let him call the cops?"

 

"No."

 

"Let me do it, then. I'll exaggerate like a motherfucker to make sure he gets put in jail for life—"

 

"No! No one is calling the cops, all right? Let's just sit here and eat. Can we do that and not talk about my mom or my dad or my headache or anything else that's even remotely stressful? Please?"

 

The two boys exchanged another odd look, then nodded.

 

"That's fine."

 

"Whatever you say…"

 

Things were awkward between them as they sat and ate in silence. However, Naminé noticed something weird happening between her two favorite boys. Riku purposely avoided looking at the both of them, and Roxas kept throwing heated glances in Riku's direction. Was there tension between the boys?

 

"Hey Rox, you think you can go get me a bottle of water?" Riku suddenly blurted.

 

The blond smirked, eyebrows arched in what might have resembled amusement on a good day. "I already made you guys hot dogs, and got her medicine. The least you can do is go get water for everybody. Namine's probably really thirsty."

 

"I'm not, actually—"

 

"Isn't this your second home?" Riku almost snapped. "You know where everything is. You should go get it."

 

"We don't even have any more bottles of water—"

 

"Even if you couldn't find the bottles of water, there are glasses in the cabinet. Just get some water from the faucet if it's really that important," Roxas frowned.

 

"I could just go get us some juice—"

 

"No!"

 

She flinched again, more out of fear than out of pain. The two of them were acting weird and now they were both yelling at each other. "Uh…?"

 

"Sorry," Riku apologized. "I'm still on edge and I guess I'm…taking it out on the wrong people. Sorry to you too, Rox."

 

Roxas pouted, refusing to meet anyone's eye "Yeah, sure."

 

"Roxas," Naminé frowned.

 

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry too, I guess. I assumed something weird, but I'm probably just being paranoid. Whatever."

 

Riku grinned, leaning over so that he could throw his arm over Roxas' shoulder. "Well look at that. You apologized and you're still alive. We've made history, ladies and gentlemen."

 

Naminé giggled as the two boys start to bicker playfully. This was how things were supposed to be. She watched quietly as she finished her hot dog. They always made everything so much better, and she was grateful to have two amazing boys in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway done. Even though I stand by this story 100% I want to say , again, that I am not trying to romanticize anything that you see in this story. It's a dark, fictional story, and my intentions are to make people aware of what could possibly be going on in people's minds. In no way am I trying to excuse, promote, or encourage any of the actions that take place in this chapter, previous chapters, or future chapters. I am only telling a story.
> 
> That being said, you're free to feel whatever you feel about the way I've chosen to portray these characters. It is an AU, and I understand that they may be a little or a lot OOC. You don’t have to like or agree with it at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter briefly mentions self harm

When Naminé's eyes fluttered open, she was shocked to find herself curled up next to Roxas. Alarms began to sound off in her head and frightened her so badly that she had to sit up. Her vision teetered back and forth between blurry and clear, and she had to blink several times to make it stop. She was still cross from sleep…and confused as to why her arms and legs were bare. The sight of her skin turned her stomach, and she instinctively looked around for something to cover it with.

 

The boy beside her grunted softly. Her eyes darted to him as he lazily lifted his arm to rub his eyes. "You okay?"

 

She didn't know what to say. It was taking a considerable amount of effort to get herself together and fully shake off the confusion and fear. This happened often, unfortunately. Whenever she slept too hard and woke up anywhere else that wasn't her bed, she'd get confused.

 

A deep sigh slipped past her lips as she buried her face in her hands. Memories of the past few hours came back to her as she slowly regained consciousness. Surprisingly, there was no fear or regret or anger. Naminé was actually content.

 

Roxas struggled to sit up with her, wrapped his arms around her stomach, and gently kissed her shoulder blade. He then rested his cheek against her skin. She could feel his hair tickle the back of her neck. "Did I do something wrong?"

 

Naminé shook her head. "No. You remember that thing that sometimes happens to me when I sleep?"

 

"Ohhhh, yeah. Sorry. I just…this is kind of a big deal, you know? That was our first."

 

"Actually, we both—"

 

"I meant our first as a  _ couple _ , baby."

 

Naminé face heated up in embarrassment. "Right. I knew that," she mumbled. "So is "baby" the new thing now?"

 

Roxas moved to sit beside her and snagged his underwear off of the coffee table. "I mean…do you not want me to call you that?" He seemed to want to inspect the fabric at first, but scrapped the idea mid thought and pulled them on one leg at a time. "I didn't think it was a problem."

 

"No, it's not a problem. I was just wondering what happened to Sunshine…"

 

He smiled a bit as he stood, handing her bra to her. "Do you like Sunshine better than baby?"

 

Naminé stared at it as she took it from him. It was so strange to be naked in front of him, yet it didn't feel as odd as she thought it would. And the fact that he was being so casual about the whole thing was a reminder that there was no reason to start freaking out. She knew that this was supposed to happen. They'd crossed the line between friendship and something more, but it didn't feel like that line had ever existed once she'd reached the other side of it.

 

That didn't mean she wasn't full of nervous energy, or that she wasn't afraid that everything could come crashing down at any second.

 

She shrugged as she began to dress herself. "I'm used to Sunshine, and it makes me happy because it means something to us. I don't want you to get rid of that nickname, but I'm…not opposed to baby."

 

Roxas grinned as he pulled his shirt over his head. It messed up his already unruly hair even more. "I won't, don't worry. You'll always be my Sunshine." He quickly leaned down to press a quick kiss on her forehead.

 

That was all the confirmation she needed. Naminé happily got dressed.

 

"Holy shit," Roxas huffed as he stared at the clock in disbelief. He quickly walked over to the window to peek behind the curtain. The noise he made shortly after was somewhere between laughter and choking. "Nam, it's eight o'clock…"

 

"WHAT?!" She hopped off of the couch and started searching for…for…she didn't even know what she was looking for or why she was looking for it. The overwhelming feeling of white hot panic demanded that she get up and find the thing. If she didn't find it, it would be the end of the world. Naminé struggled for words as she turned in a slow circle, eyes darting wildly around the living room. "Oh no, no, no,  _ no! _ "

 

"Hey,  _ hey _ . Calm down." Roxas crossed the room in a matter of seconds, gently taking her by the shoulders. "It's fine."

 

"We skipped a whole day of school and it's night now!"

 

"And we have an excuse. Breathe," he spoke softly. "You're not gonna get into any trouble. Just let me do the talking, okay?"

 

Inhaling shallow, ragged breaths, she nodded. Roxas carefully pulled her into a tight hug. That didn't make it any better. The last thing she needed was to be squeezed while she felt like this.

 

He kept her there until her breathing became steady. She felt horrible about the way he slowly backed away from her, hands still extended toward her as if he expected her to suddenly drop to the floor and have a breakdown. He shouldn't have had to treat her like that. Why couldn't she just grow up and get better control of her feelings? If she didn't, he'd eventually get tired of having to look after her.

 

"We're okay?" he asked playfully, though his eyes were still wide with worry.

 

Naminé forced a smile, hoping it was wide enough to convince him that she was fine. "We're okay."

 

Roxas sighed in relief. He'd bought it. "Great. Let's go." She nodded obediently. He opened his mouth to speak again, but he seemed to get distracted by the couch. Frowning, he leaned down and flipped both of the cushions. "Don't need another lecture about staying out of girls' pants."

 

Any other time, Naminé might have found that funny, but she didn't want to waste any energy on laughter. She was tired and sore in places she'd completely forgotten could be sore. She just wanted to focus on her breathing, get the lie over with, and eat something.

 

She quickly dressed herself, then began searching for her…wait a minute. "Did you ever put my sweater in the dryer?"

 

The blond boy grimaced, looking extremely guilty as he slowly, quietly, turned his attention elsewhere.

 

"Great," she frowned, plopping back down onto the couch. "What am I supposed to go home in now?"

 

Roxas perked up quickly as he looked around the room like a puppy trying to find something worthy enough to gift to its owner. "Uh…" His eyes landed on the jacket near the door and he smiled. "Wear Mom's jacket! She wouldn't have minded."

 

"Do  _ you _ mind, though?"

 

His eyes widened a little. "Oh no, not at all. Please wear it."

 

Naminé watched as he practically ran to get it and thrust it at her with child-like excitement. A smile came to her face as she took it from him and slipped her arms through it. It was even more comfortable than it looked, even though she didn't think red was her color. The jacket was such a bright shade of red that it made her already pale skin look ghastly, but she was still thankful for it.

 

When she stood, Roxas stopped her. His hands gently pulled at the front of the jacket as he connected their lips. She could feel his smile on her mouth, and it spread to her. When they parted, she could see a bit of sadness in his eyes. She wanted it to go away. 

 

"It looks really good on you,” he said softly.

 

She kissed him again, and that one little peck seemed to light up his life.

 

On their way out of the door, Roxas grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. She allowed him to lead as he confidently sauntered across his lawn and into hers, then used her key to walk into the house as comfortably as he always had. Confusion set in when they noticed that the living room light was on, but no one was there. Usually her mother would be there watching TV or reading something. She hated leaving the lights on in a room that no one was in.

 

"Ma?" Roxas called, letting his hand slip out of hers as he walked a little further into the house. He peeked his head into the kitchen and frowned. " **HEY MA!** "

 

Naminé cringed. "Why the hell are you so loud?!"

 

"Um, I'm trying to find our mom… _ duh _ ."

 

"We can easily walk upstairs and look for her!"

 

He frowned playfully. "You want me to walk alllllll the way upstairs when I could just call for her? That seems unnecessary."

 

Rolling her eyes, she pushed past him and made her way to the stairs. Three steps up, she saw a figure come into view at the top. Her body went stiff as she watched the familiar face screw up into a frown.

 

"Where have you been?"

 

Violent tremors wracked her body as he started down the stairs toward her. She gripped the handrail for dear life and prayed to whoever was listening that this was just a sick nightmare that she'd be waking up from soon. It wasn't fair. Things were finally starting to work out for her. Life was getting better. Why him? Why  _ now? _

 

"No, never mind," the man smiled. If he took a couple more steps, he’d be right in front of her. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're okay."

 

Naminé felt herself sway, but a strong hand on her back brought her back to reality. Before she could make sense of what was happening, Roxas was already on the step above her, left hand pushing back against the man's chest while his right hand hovered in the air behind him to warn Naminé not to get closer to him. As if she would want to.

 

"You need to back the fuck up," Roxas spoke. His words were full of malice, rage, and an insane amount of confidence. Naminé worried that this display of bravery would only make things worse. He didn't have to be her savior in this situation—not with her dad. She wouldn't blame him if he went right back home and left her to deal with him. It wasn't his problem. She knew what to expect by now, he didn't. "You're not going anywhere near her."

 

Her father's eyebrows shot up as a lopsided grin (the one that used to be a source of comfort to young Naminé) appeared on his face. His eyes slowly took Roxas in, then slid over to the girl cowering behind him. "Tell your boyfriend to stand down. I'm not here to start trouble."

 

"You're damn right I'm her boyfriend. And the only person allowed to give her any kind of demand is  _ me _ . Now get out of my mom's house. You're not welcomed here."

 

Her father laughed. It was the sound of the last remaining threads of his sanity coming undone. "I'm not welcomed in my own house? The house I bought? The house that's still in my name?" Another crazed noise like a record scratch bubbled out of him. "And your mother's dead, kid. Accept it and move on—"

 

Roxas pounced. Naminé flew down the stairs to get out of their way as they came tumbling down behind her. She wished he wouldn't have taken the bait. That's what her father did: he said things to provoke people into attacking so that he could fight them and still be able to claim self-defense. If she were to call the cops, they wouldn't do anything because Roxas had started it. This  _ is _ her father's house. Roxas would be the one getting arrested.

 

He didn't stand a chance. Roxas struggled to gain control, but he just wasn't stronger than her father. Not many people  _ were _ stronger than him, which made the situation even scarier. Her knees buckled and she collapsed on the side of the stairs, covering her eyes so that she didn't have to see her father's fist connect with Roxas' face over and over again. That didn't stop the sound of flesh hitting flesh from echoing in her skull. She brought her knees to her chest because it was the only thing she knew how to do in situations like this.

 

"Stop it!"

 

Naminé didn't bother to look up when she'd heard her mother's voice.  _ She _ wouldn't be able to change anything. The damage had already been done. Now Roxas was bruised up just like her and her mother. She never wanted him to have to go through that.

 

"Stop!" her mother yelled. "That's enough! This is your best friend's son! How could you do this?!"

 

"Friend? I don't have any fucking friends anymore! I don't have anyone on my side but you! You're the...!" The living room went silent, save for the sound of someone struggling to breathe. Slowly, Naminé peeked at the scene between her fingers. Her father looked like he was in some sort of trance as he stared at her mother. Roxas, on the other hand, was a mess on the floor.

 

The dark haired man stepped forward, cradling her mother's face." You're the only one who cares about me. The  _ only _ one. You know I didn't…mean to do this, right? He attacked me first a-a-and I snapped. I'm sorry, please don't hate me."

 

Naminé's hands fell from her face as she watched him fall to his knees and bury his face into her mother's stomach. She had never understood it before, but it all made sense now. That was the best manipulation tactic she had ever seen in her life. This was why her mother kept allowing her father to come back.  _ This _ was why she kept giving him chances and believing that he'd changed. Of course her mother wouldn't see that for what it was because she was still in love with him.

 

"I know, Van, I know. And I believe you. But you have to leave. I can't see you when you're like this."

 

"Please don't make me leave. I'm  _ sorry… _ "

 

Her mother bit her lip, apparently having some kind of internal debate as she ran her fingers through his hair. "I'll see you tomorrow. I promise. Everyone needs to rest tonight."

 

He looked up at her, hands sliding down from her hips to her knees. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

 

She shook her head furiously, forcing a smile. "No, baby, I'm not. I forgive you."

 

Naminé was absolutely disgusted. She hoped that she would never become as blind as her mother was with her father. The last pieces of respect that she'd had for her mother had vanished.

 

_ Stupid _ , Naminé thought bitterly.  _ She's so stupid _ .

 

Her father eventually left, though his presence still lingered in the air like a foul odor. She could see it in her mother's tears and hear it in every audible breath that left Roxas' body. Still shaking, still shaken, she carefully pulled herself to her feet and shuffled over to Roxas' battered form. "Come on, Roxy…"

 

He didn't say a word. Pressing her lips together so that she didn't cry, the blonde helped him to his feet and carried half of his weight as they slowly conquered the stairs one at a time. There was still a first aid kit in her room. She was so proud of herself for not needing to use it for such a long time, but that pride had been shattered.

 

"Are you okay?" she asked softly. He remained silent as she sat him down on the edge of her bed. His movements were robotic and thoughtless, which made her feel even worse. There was no longer a person there—no life in his eyes. That vacant expression would no doubt follow her into her nightmares, but something was telling her that he wouldn't be that way for long. Naminé moved slowly, carefully, and quietly, as if she were walking on  _ actual _ eggshells in order to keep him in this absent state. She didn't want him to break.

 

He didn't move when she sat the kit beside him. He didn't speak when she soaked a cotton ball with peroxide. The only reaction she was able to get out of him was a pained grunt and a small grimace as she touched the cold liquid to his open wound. It stayed that way the entire time she cleaned him up and it broke her heart.

 

As she secured the last bandage, she gently cradled his face. "Talk to me, Roxy. Are you okay?"

 

The silence stretched on. That, mixed with the overall tension of the entire day, was almost too much for her to bear. She felt as if she were suffocating again, and she briefly remembered how her time with the razor blade made her feel.

 

Once, she'd compared it to a notebook. You can only write on a single sheet for so long before you have to tear it out and start on the next. Life loved to write nonsense all over her pages, but it never tore them out. That lead her to believe that she had to find a way to do it herself.

 

But then…Roxas happened. Roxas showed her that she didn't have to tear them out. It was possible to start on a new sheet and leave the previous one alone. Not destroyed, but not forgotten. After all, how will you study if you throw away all your notes?

 

Naminé eyes hardened as she looked up at him. She didn't need a blade to solve her problems anymore. If she was going to make him proud, she needed to be strong. "Whatever you're telling yourself in your head, it's  _ not _ true. I know better than anyone that your mind can be your own worst enemy. Don't hurt yourself by keeping it in and letting it turn toxic.  _ Talk _ to me."

 

Finally, his swollen eyes slid over to her, sparking to life. A ghost of a smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he reached up to touch her hands. "I feel like shit…but I am so proud of you. You've come a long way."

 

Naminé smiled encouragingly. "Thank you, but this is not about me. Tell me about you."

 

His smile morphed into something pathetic as he shook his head. "I'm pissed. I tried to protect you and I failed. All I've ever wanted was to keep you safe and…" His eyes glazed over, exhaustion slipping into his features again. "He's not going to stop. He'll keep coming back and he'll keep hurting you because I'm not strong enough."

 

"But I'm not hurt, Roxas. You didn't fail. If you think about it: you threw yourself at him to distract him from me. And that was so brave of you. You did protect me. You don't have to fight to help me." Before he could say anything else, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. "I love you. Okay?"

 

His smile was back and brighter than ever. He nodded, letting her kiss him again. "I love you more, Sunshine."

 

"Stay over tonight?"

 

Another nod. "I don't see how I could go home after this."

 

They didn't even have to use their prepared excuse.

 

* * *

 

The two best friends staggered across the cement together, leaning on one another for support. Both wore wide, yet tired grins as they chuckled breathlessly. Their faces were freezing cold and they had tears in their eyes, but the adrenaline high they were on felt way too good. "That was awesome," Roxas sighed as they finally reached the wooden bench. "I thought Sora was lying, but that ride deserves all the hype it gets."

 

Naminé pushed her fingers through her wild hair, breathing heavily. The rollercoaster was definitely fun, but she couldn't see herself getting back on it. "I think we should chill for like…ever. That was enough excitement for a lifetime."

 

The older boy leaned his head back, pinning her with a look of aggravated disbelief. "Don't tell me you wanna go back to the lame rides."

 

"The Ferris wheel isn't lame," she frowned. Just because she wasn't an adrenaline junkie like him didn't give him a right to rag on all of the relaxing things she liked to do. "You can rest there and talk. It's a slow, intimate ride."

 

He laughed (although it sounded more like a pained cough) and she shifted his eyes to the sky. "Your definition of intimate is really boring."

 

"Oh, you think? What's your definition of intimate? Sex?"

 

"That's a part of it, but no. Intimacy is just…to me, it's physical. Little distracted touches and cheek kisses and hand holding and stuff.  _ Not a Ferris wheel _ ."

 

Naminé pouted. "People cuddle on Ferris wheels. That should fit into your definition."

 

"It does, but why would we come all the way to the state fair and pay to do something that we already do at home?"

 

The blonde sputtered, trying in vain to will the heat away from her cheeks. Leave it to him to say something so stupid and embarrassing in public. What if someone walked by and got the wrong impression? What if someone who knew someone from their school heard and started a rumor that they were dating? Dear God, she did not have time to deal with Roxas' girlfriend overreacting. "Roxas, shut up!" she hissed quietly.

 

"What? All I said was we cuddle—"

 

"Shut up!”

 

Confusion pulled at his brow as he stared at her. She made sure to avoid eye contact with him. Even still, she was able to see when his frown stretch back into a smirk. Not just any smirk, but an Asshole Roxas smirk. "You're embarrassed."

 

"No."

 

"Yes you are. Are you embarrassed because we cuddle or because I'm admitting to it in public?"

 

At this point, she knew she was blushing like mad. He was being such an idiot. "Neither. It's nothing. Let's just talk about it later—Roxas get  _ off of me!" _

 

Naminé suddenly found herself wrapped in his arms. She struggled against him, but his grip was too tight for her to even think about slipping out of it. That didn't stop her from trying. Roxas giggled as he held on to her, not aware of how bad he was making her feel. She didn't want him to touch her right now. Or ever. He was dating someone and they were happy and she was an awful friend for having feelings for him while he was in a good relationship. If they wound up breaking up because of her…

 

With strength that she didn't know she had, she finally pushed him off. He slid a little too far and tumbled to the ground. Naminé was too busy trying to calm herself down to care. If he would have let go when she first asked him to then the idiot wouldn't have been on the ground.

 

"Hey wait!"

 

Naminé walked faster, not caring where she was going, but was careful not to bump into anyone else. She just wanted to be away from him and his stupid antics. The adrenaline from the roller coaster, mixed with the fear of Yuna popping up out of nowhere and threatening her like Roxas' previous girlfriend had, was to blame for the trembling that had occurred shortly after her escape. Her knees were weak and her breath was short, but it would be fine if she could just find somewhere to sit and collect herself. Somewhere away from him.

 

The crowd got thicker, meaning it became more and more difficult to weave through the sea of moving bodies. After a quick glance around, she realized that she had just walked into the area of the fair where all the food vendors were set up. Everyone was either standing in a line or shouldering through the crowd to get to a specific location. A few people still bumped into her and she found herself murmuring apologies under her breath. 

 

"Fuck," she breathed, holding her hair out of her face as she looked for some kind of sign that could help her get a sense of direction. A bathroom, the petting zoo, the entrance to the kid's section of the fair,  _ anything _ . All she could see were the blinking neon signs of the food vendors. The world around her was filled with the smell of dirt and high-priced grease, the sound of laughter and shouting, and the overly enthusiastic voice of some ride's hype man. Three out of five of her senses were experiencing an overload and she felt herself about to collapse. She shouldn't have walked away from Roxas. She shouldn't have overreacted and run away when he was clearly joking around. " _ Fuck _ ."

 

"Naminé!"

 

The blonde turned around just in time to see a quick flash of blond, and was suddenly enveloped in a blanket of warmth. Grease and dirt was quickly replaced with sweat and Roxas' cologne. Despite not wanting to be touched or squeezed in any way, the smell brought her the tiniest shred of comfort. She let her head fall against his chest and just trembled. She couldn't do much more than that.

 

"There's too much going on here. I need to get you somewhere quieter."

 

Roxas' hand latched onto her wrist and he pulled her in another direction. He shouldered his way through the crowd, viciously barked demands at the random teens who refused to move, pushed others out of his way, and eventually brought them to a small opening in the grass. They found themselves next to a noisy generator behind a picture booth, but it was much better than being in the middle of that crowd.

 

And…Roxas looked pissed.

 

"Why the hell would you walk into a huge crowd like that?" he spat. "You know you get freaked out when you're alone and surrounded by people you don't know! Look at you! You're pale as shit, you're shaking like a Chihuahua, and you look like you're gonna faint!"

 

Naminé hung her head low as she brought her hand up to cradle her arm to her side. "I'm sorry."

 

"That doesn't answer my question, Naminé. What the fuck were you thinking?"

 

She shrugged, feeling like a small child being scolded by her parents. Even though she deserved it for running away like one, she didn't enjoy the shame that accompanied it. "I just wanted you to stop and you didn't. I didn't know I would walk into  _ that _ ."

 

Roxas sighed dramatically and scratched his scalp out of frustration. "Goddamn it. I really don't understand you sometimes. What the hell did I do to make you that mad?"

 

"I wasn't mad, I…" Naminé frowned, silently counting the blades of grass that were long enough to touch her ankles. Counting things used to calm her down, but it had stopped working long ago. At this point, it was just a habit.

 

_ You have another type of blade at home. _

 

Keeping that thought in mind, she forced herself to breathe deeply. She just had to make it home and it would all be okay. "I wasn't mad. I just don't like it when you play like that in front of people. None of your friends like me—what if one of them were to suddenly walk by and hear the way we play around and go tell your girlfriend? I don't want to ruin anything."

 

"You—! I—! Fuck my friends and fuck her too! Why are you so worried about them?! They're not even here! And if any of them have a problem with the way I joke around with you, they can suck a dick!"

 

"Can you not say stuff like that so loud?"

 

Roxas heaved an audible breath. "Sorry. I just wish you would stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. Their opinions shouldn't matter. Plus, anybody who fucks with you can fight me."

 

To Naminé, it was much deeper than just caring about the opinions of others. She just didn't know how to explain that to him without sounding stupid. He could never understand how bad it was for her to make simple conversation with cashiers at the grocery store, or how she would rather hold her pee for three hours than to ask for a pass to go to the restroom and risk everyone staring at her as she left the room. She didn't know why she felt that way but she did, and she didn't know how to get rid of it.

 

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "Maybe if Riku were here, I wouldn't have freaked out like that."

 

"Yeah, well, Riku's not here," he frowned. "And he's never gonna hang out with us again, so just forget about him."

 

Naminé rolled her eyes. "You two get in another fight?"

 

"Yeah, but it's a lot different this time. He crossed a line that, if he were a real friend, he never would have crossed. We're not speaking right now, we're not speaking  _ ever _ . He's one of the main people who can go suck a dick."

 

That came out of nowhere. Or at least Naminé thought so. Riku and Roxas were such great friends. Never in a million years would she have thought they would stop being friends, but the look on Roxas' face told her he was dead serious about this. Nothing would change his mind. 

 

"What happened…?"

 

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Big boy stuff. Don't worry about it. I have it all under control."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Positive. You can still be friends with him if you want, but I'm letting you know now that he's not a good person. If you're smart, like I know you are, you'll stay away from him."

 

"But—"

 

"We're done talking about this."

 

Begrudgingly, she let the conversation drop. That didn't mean she wouldn't find out what she wanted to know eventually. Roxas could barely keep his mouth shut about things like this. Maybe he'd spill the beans faster if she got him in a good enough mood.

 

"Okay," she smiled. "I think I'm ready to try that roller coaster again."

 

Roxas snorted as he threw an arm around her shoulders, leading her further away from the crowd. "No, you don't need to put yourself through that excitement right now. How 'bout the Ferris wheel? I heard it's a pretty intimate ride, and I know you like that kind of stuff," he winked.

 

* * *

 

Bruises and swelling weren't enough to stop Roxas from grinning like a fool the next morning. The atmosphere was still the same at school, but seeing him so upbeat and happy made it much more tolerable.

 

"How's your face?" Naminé asked as they reached her locker.

 

He leaned against the one beside hers and shrugged a shoulder. The look on his face was smug, but not an Asshole Roxas expression. "Still gorgeous. Why do you ask?"

 

Naminé rolled her eyes as she got her supplies ready for her classes. She had nearly forgotten they were only supposed to be watching a movie in first period this week, so she probably hadn't missed much when she'd skipped. It was all of her other classes that she would have to worry about.

 

"Hi Roxy!"

 

Upon hearing the nasally voice, both of their smiles sank like anchors. Soon enough, a smiling brunette popped into their perfect picture and ruined it. She tried to wind her arm around Roxas' but he quickly folded his arms to stop her from doing so.

 

"Hey, Olette. What do you need?"

 

"What…happened to your face?"

 

Roxas shrugged again, eyes dull and uninterested. "Got into a fight. It's not that big a deal. Where's Hayner and the guys?"

 

She smiled, either completely oblivious to, or flat out ignoring the irritation in his voice. Naminé shut her locker and looked on in amusement. "Not here yet. I came early to get these shoes from Selphie before the day started because they match this jacket perfectly."

 

He glanced down briefly as she presented her shoe to him. "Cute."

 

"Thank you! Why are you here so early?"

 

Naminé chose that moment to speak up. "We both woke up early and just didn't feel like staying home. So here we are," Naminé spoke.

 

There brunette fixed her with a look that screamed  _ I wasn't asking you _ in a slightly aggressive sing-song voice with a thick valley girl accent. "Really?" she smiled. It was stretched so wide that it could potentially snap back at any moment. "You both woke up at the same time?"

 

Knowing that she had the upper hand, Naminé offered her most genuine smile. "Yeah. That tended to happen when you're sleeping in the same bed and the alarm goes off."

 

Olette gave Naminé a once over. She realized that Olette was trying to intimidate her while looking for a lie, but it wasn't working and she wasn't going to find one. Dissatisfied, she turned back to Roxas. "Is that not weird for you two to sleep in the same bed? I mean I'm here for it if that's what you want to do. I'm just asking."

 

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "She's my girlfriend. It would be weird if I didn't."

 

"Girlfr—" Her eyes went wide as she forced out a fake chuckle. Or maybe it was Olette's version of Vanitas' record scratch laugh. Naminé worried for the girl's sanity. She also wondered why Olette seemed so concerned about her ex. "Oh, wow! I've been…waiting for this to happen! You two are cute together!"

 

"Thanks," Roxas laughed.

 

"So how did you—"

 

"I'll catch up with you later, Olette."

 

"…Sure. We have to talk later anyway. Meet me at The Usual Spot at five?"

 

"For sure."

 

And then Roxas wrapped his arm around Naminé and led her over to his locker. Naminé sighed as she kept her eyes straight ahead. "Why do you hang out with her again?"

 

"She works at Scrooge's. How can anyone turn down free ice cream?"

 

Naminé hummed. "I forgot you were incredibly fake."

 

"Fake with a freezer full of free ice cream. It's not my fault she's so gullible. She's like…obsessed with me or something. We agreed to be friends but I guess she wants me back? But that doesn't matter. She's not you," he grinned.

 

Naminé tried to hide her smile as he put in the combination to his locker. While he focused on doing that, she allowed herself to just take him in and admire him. How in the world did she get so lucky as to have this guy as her boyfriend? Her childhood friend was now her boyfriend. The chances of that ever happening to anyone was slim, but it had happened to them. And it was already perfect.

 

Even while doing something as simple as gathering supplies, she could appreciate how good looking he was. The crazy style of his hair that only he and his cousin seemed to be able to pull off, the deep azure of his eyes that clearly belonged in a jewel, the position of his cheekbones, the way his jawline curved perfectly from his ear to his chin, his slightly pointed nose, and his gorgeous eyelashes all came together to make one perfect boy.  _ Her _ perfect boy.

 

Roxas raised an eyebrow as he looked at her from the corner of his eye. His mouth twitched briefly before pulling back into a smile. Another amazing thing about him. "What?"

 

It was her turn to shrug. "Nothing. You're just cute."

 

Red bled into his cheeks as he shook his head. "Stop it..."

 

"No, I'm  _ serious! _ "

 

Musical laughter filled the air between them as he neglected his supplies to wrap his arms around her waist. His eyes scanned her face just like Olette's had, but he seemed pleased with what he found. "You don't know how long I've waited for cute little moments like this."

 

Naminé shrugged with a grin. "Well, now you have them."

 

"Thank God…" He leaned forward and connected their lips, smiling into the kiss. Naminé completely melted in his arms. Finally. All she'd ever wanted was to know that she was worthy of being loved, that she wasn't crazy, that her feelings were valid and important, and Roxas did all of that without even trying. Roxas made her Happy.

 

" _ Separate _ ," a teacher hissed as he passed by. The two flew apart, stifling their laughter. Naminé almost felt bad for being so happy while everyone else was in an awful mood.  _ Almost _ . No one ever cared when she was having a bad day, or week, or life, so why should she care about theirs? She deserved to feel good for once. Nothing was going to ruin this for her.

 

A loud click sounded throughout the hall as the intercom came to life. A tired, dull voice began to drone through, sucking the last remnants of life out of the hallway. However…it wasn't the time for morning announcements. The principal only came on this early during an emergency or when he did a morning memorial for a deceased student every day for a week. If someone did die, that would explain why everyone was sad. Now she actually did feel bad for being happy.

 

"—and Hollow Bastion State University has just announced that the money that would have been used to fund Riku's scholarship will be donated to Twilight Town in order to fund the construction of the new gymnasium for our Struggle players—"

 

"Riku…" Naminé whispered, staring up at the ceiling in disbelief. No, that couldn't be right. She had just seen him the other day. He was alive and happy. They had become friends again.  _ How? _

 

Roxas sighed. "I'm sorry, Nami. I wanted to tell you, but—"

 

"You wanted to tell me? You…knew about it?" she growled as she stared at him. Her eyes widened as the realization hit her. "Of course you did. Because you lied to me."

 

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, eyes drifting up to a fixed point on the ceiling. "Okay,  _ yes _ , I lied. But to be honest, I don't even know why it bothers you. You weren't still interested in him or anything, right?"

 

The hallway seemed to go silent again. Naminé felt herself getting angry. Explosively angry. Now she understood why Roxas had sped away after dropping her home; the type of anger, no,  _ fury _ that she felt inside of her was dangerous and didn't want to be contained.

 

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at him. "Are you seriously still jealous of him...?"

 

He snorted. A half smile twisted the corner of his mouth as he said, "Obviously not, he's dead. I just want to know why you're so concerned about him."

 

"I'm concerned because—!" Naminé stopped. She was trying so hard to keep it together, but his half joking, half nonchalant attitude was getting under her skin. She wanted to hit him. She wanted to hurt him. Instead of acting on those urges, she forced herself to inhale deeply. "I am  _ concerned _ because Riku was my friend. We were getting along again. We accepted the past for what it was and let it go. For once in your life, can you at least attempt to be the bigger man?"

 

Roxas smirked. Naminé's eye twitched at the sight. "Don't ask me how, but I already know I was the bigger man."

 

Before Naminé could stop herself, she slapped him. She was sure it hadn't hurt him, but watching that stupid smirk of his twist into some mix of betrayal and surprise gave her an odd sense of satisfaction.

 

"This is not a joke, Roxas! Are you kidding me?! Do you really not care about this?!"

 

His mouth never moved, but she already had her answer. His silence spoke volumes.

 

"You're sick…" she laughed. She hadn't meant to, but it was the only thing that stopped her from losing it altogether. The boy standing in front of her was not the boy she had come to love. In the darker parts of her mind, something tried to whisper to her that it was, and that he had always been like this. Her skin felt hot as she took a few steps away from him, heart pounding on her chest walls and demanding to be let out with the cries of an innocent prisoner. And she was shaking. It was only a matter of time before panic replaced the anger.

 

Naminé glanced at the other students in the hallway. They stared at her like she was some sort of wild animal who had just gotten loose. They were expecting another breakdown. She needed to get away, but where would she go? First period? Riku wouldn't be there to talk her through this. Home? Her mother wouldn't be there. Even if she were, she wouldn't be any help whatsoever. Her legs prickled with restlessness because she wanted to run, but her body kept her glued to the spot. She felt trapped.

 

"Sunshine, calm down…"

 

Her body suddenly sprang into action, stumbling back a few more feet as he stepped towards her. She didn't want to be anywhere near him. "Don't touch me."

 

Roxas frowned. She couldn't tell what was going on in his head anymore. "We're not… _ over _ are we? I just made a mistake, I'm sorry."

 

The blonde gently shook her head. "I-I don't know. I don't  _ know _ . Just leave me alone. If you care anything about me, you'll give me the space I need."

 

He nodded almost desperately. "Yeah," he smiled awkwardly. "I can do that—I'll do that. Whatever you need."

 

She heaved a relieved sigh, but his words didn't stop the storm of emotions swirling inside of her. "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow or something."

 

Naminé walked away, not really knowing where she was going to go. All she wanted was to be away from him, and away from this school. This should have been expected. Naminé could never be in a good or neutral mood for too long before something or someone came along to ruin it. Why the hell would the universe allow her to be happy for an entire day? It was always something.

 

"I love you, Sunshine!"

 

That was the first time that she had ever really doubted those words. He'd lied to her before, maybe he was lying to her then. Maybe he had always been lying to her and she was just too stupid to realize it. Stupid like her mom was about her dad. 

 

She wasn't even tired anymore. She was exhausted.

 

* * *

 

"You got it?"

 

"I got it!"

 

"…You sure?"

 

Naminé forced a grin as she held onto the railing for dear life. Her right leg was bent at an awkward, painful looking angle while her left leg was extended in front of her. The little blue wheels of her skates had finally stopped moving, but she knew she couldn't stay there forever. The whole point of them being there was to actually move. "Yeah! It's been a while since I've been on skates so I'm still adjusting."

 

The silver haired teen raised a thin eyebrow as he watched her struggle to stand and maintain balance. "You've never been on skates a day in your life, have you?"

 

"Skates: yes. Rollerblades are a completely different story."

 

His rich laughter made the heat of her embarrassment even worse. "Why didn't you just get the regular kiddie skates?"

 

She frowned. "You're calling them kiddie skates, for one. And…these skates are really cute."

 

He laughed, and something in his eyes lit up as he reached for her hand. "Do you want me to teach you how to rollerblade then?"

 

This wasn't going how she'd planned. How were rollerblades so different from regular skates? Well, besides the fact that they were more pleasing to look at than the dirty brown ones, and the wheels were different. She was the only one in the entire rink to struggle with standing on them, and did her best to avoid meeting the eyes of the giggling parents who passed her up with their children, who were also on rollerblades.

 

Naminé shrugged, looking everywhere but at him. "If you wouldn't mind…" she mumbled as she placed her hand in his.

 

With that ever so charming smile of his, he pushed off with his left leg. Naminé didn't hesitate to let go of the railing and let him drag her along. After a few moments of letting her drift comfortably, Riku peered over his shoulder. "Watch the way I move: push off, switch legs, push off, switch legs."

 

She looked down at her own feet as she attempted to mimic his movements. Her ankles kept buckling every so often, but the gentle, encouraging hand squeeze from Riku made her want to keep trying. Naminé really wanted to make this the best night possible. It was their first official date, after all. The two of them deserved to spend time together that didn't start with, later include, or end with any drama. Learning to skate was a must if they were going to enjoy this night.

 

Naminé was actually quite surprised that Roxas didn't say anything too bad about her going on this date with Riku. She'd expected him to throw a fit after the whole "you betrayed me" thing, but that didn't happen at all. He made sure that Naminé knew how much he disapproved of this idea, called Riku a few colorful names, and made a few passive-aggressive comments about hoping their date went well, but nothing  _ too _ bad. She'd gotten off much easier than she'd expected. There weren't even any tears this time.

 

"Are you not having fun?"

 

The blonde blinked as she looked up at her boyfriend.  _ That feels so weird to think. Riku's my BOYFRIEND now _ . "No. I mean yes, this is fun. I was just thinking."

 

"About Rox, right?"

 

"…No?"

 

He rolled his eyes playfully as he slowed down to skate alongside her. "You hesitated. That means you're lying."

 

Naminé pursed her lips in a near pout. "You hesitated when you asked me out tonight. Does that mean you don't want to be here?"

 

"That is so not the same thing and you know it," he frowned. "My hesitation was due to an excited nervousness and the irrational fear of being rejected, even though we're together."

 

She made a noise similar to a chuckle, although her face showed clear confusion. Riku was the last person on earth who should have been afraid of rejection; as if Naminé could even muster up the courage to tell him no about anything when he laid on the charm. 

 

"Yeah, right. Like I'd have the nerve to reject  _ you _ ," she mumbled.

 

"Hey, Rox and I have seen you angry before. Once you explode, you're unstoppable. It's a little terrifying."

 

Heat rose to her cheeks as she looked away. Naminé didn't like thinking about the person she became when she got too angry. She would always make these ridiculous, impulsive decisions and acted in a way that completely disregarded the feelings of those around her. It wasn't that she was unstoppable, but uncontrollable. That kind of behavior wasn't cute or lady-like and she didn’t want to be like that. But how? She'd talked to her mother about therapy and she wasn't receptive to the idea at all.

 

_ Just ask Roxas to help you with it. _

 

Naminé cringed. How do you ask someone for help when  _ they _ were the problem most of the time?

 

"I agree. But…you guys are, like, done being friends, right?"

 

"I guess? I mean, if I had to assume his intentions from the way he screamed  _ you're a backstabbing two-faced shithead _ at me and blocked me from all of his social media accounts, then yeah. We're done."

 

She frowned. That was such a petty thing to do. "But you still call him Rox?"

 

Riku shrugged, bringing his hands up to push his hair behind his ears. "Just because he's upset about whatever doesn't mean we're not still friends. We may be done for now, but he'll eventually get over it. The three of us will be laughing about this whole thing at the beach this summer, I guarantee. How the hell is he going to successfully avoid me anyway? His cousin is my best friend."

 

A smile came to her face as she thought about all the plans they'd made for the upcoming summer vacation. It'd be a shame for them to go to waste. Although a part of her doubted that this was something Roxas would just get over, she decided to trust in her boyfriend. He'd looked so confident in his words as he spoke them. If he believed them, she could too.

 

"I trust you."

 

The grin that had worked its way into his features was wider than she'd ever seen. His eyes had the cutest sparkle in them, and he looked like he was glowing. On top of all that, he blushed as he tried to cover his smile with his fist. Damn, her boyfriend was an angel. "That's the best thing you could have ever said to me."

 

Naminé mirrored his grin. Finally, she was doing something right. Someone was happy because of her and it felt so good to be able to have that effect on people. She didn't want to be an exhausting crybaby anymore. All she wanted was to make him smile like that every day for the rest of her life. "I'm glad."

 

He chuckled as he tucked his arms behind him. "Can I tell you something really important?"

 

Her heart skipped a beat. She was extremely nervous about what he was going to say, but there was no way it would be anything bad. Unless he was going to tell her that this was all a test to see if she would betray Roxas again, and had failed miserably. "Um, sure. What is it?"

 

Riku smirked. "You've been skating all by yourself for the past three and a half minutes."

 

Hearing that immediately brought her attention back to her feet. Panic set in, and her ankles threatened to give out, but Riku raced in front of her and held her hands. "Don't freak out! You had it! You were doing so good. Don't think about what you're doing because the fear will just make you stumble. Just  _ do _ it."

 

Naminé nodded as he squeezed her hands and leaned backwards, pulling her along once again. She struggled to fight down a giggle as he pulled her closer, touching his forehead to hers. Just being able to glide while being close to the object of her affections felt magical. Their fingers intertwined, and he closed the distance between their lips.

 

He didn't quite make it there. They tripped over a toddler and had a pretty nasty wipe out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter mentions self harm, shows someone being coerced into sexual activity (the activity itself is not described in any way), discusses physical and sexual assault, and contains offensive mental health slurs. Nothing too graphic happens, but if any of these things make you uncomfortable, please do not read any further.

Early Saturday morning, Naminé was roughly shaken awake. Confused, eyes blurry, and considerably cross, the blonde lifted her head. She could feel the deep frown pulling at the corners of her mouth as she attempted to sit up. There was a bit of mumbling, but the words were coming out too fast for her to make sense of it.

 

"Wha…?"

 

"I said I’m going grocery shopping with your father. He wants to cook dinner tonight to make up for what happened with Roxas."

 

The urge to roll her eyes was quickly stuffed down into the deepest parts of her being. Of course, the first thing she would hear shortly after waking up were the names of the last two guys she wanted to talk about. To be fair, she hadn't told her mother about what happened between her and Roxas, but it wasn't like she would care anyway. Her mother was too busy creating drama for herself to worry about her daughter's issues. Nothing would get solved by talking about it. 

 

_ That would be the exact definition of the blind leading the blind _ , Naminé thought bitterly.

 

"Sure, whatever."

 

Her mother produced an expression similar to a pout, but not quite. "He says he'd like Roxas to join us."

 

"Yeah, that's not happening. Roxas and I aren't speaking right now, so he can't come over."

 

The woman sighed and took a seat on the bed next to her daughter. For a split second, she actually looked like a concerned parent. "Does this have anything to do with why you came home in such a foul mood the other day—or why you skipped school Monday? Don't think I don't know about that."

 

_ Gee, what was your first clue that I skipped? The automated message on the machine from the school, or the fact that I came home at night? _

 

Inhaling deeply to snuff out the anger, Naminé let her eyes slide shut. "It's nothing. I've just been having a rough week at school."

 

A burst of warmth spread across her shoulder, and she realized that her mom had just placed her hand there. "If there's something you need to talk about, I can listen. I know I've been a mess for a long time, but I'm still your mom. I was a teenager once. I can help."

 

Her heart stuttered as she tried to will away the sting behind her eyes. Naminé was so. Fucking.  _ Tired _ of crying all the damn time. She felt defenseless and weak; she was always curling up into little balls, trying (and failing) to shut everything out, worrying the people who cared about her, throwing these ridiculous tantrums, and having the most dramatic panic attacks anyone has ever seen. It sucked because she felt so awful, but there were people out in the world who had it way worse than her and still found the will to smile and be happy. People were living in poverty and starving while she had food on the table every night. Others were clinically depressed while she just felt sad and scared from time to time…most of the time…a lot.

 

It had occurred to her, on more than one occasion, that she could have been blowing all of her "problems" out of proportion because of teenage hormones. The world hadn't ended, and it probably wasn't going to end any time soon. She still and a parent, even though she didn't have much respect for her. Roxas had lost his mother to cancer, and yet he still smiled and carried on. There are kids who are abused by their parents every single day, but it only happened to her every once in a while. That wasn't so bad. Her life wasn't  _ that _ bad. So why did it feel like it?

 

Would her mom even understand that if she explained it to her? The last time she had talked to her about the way she felt, she'd dismissed it as quickly as Naminé had brought it up. Her mother hadn't done a single thing that would convince her that she would be of any help. Still…Naminé wanted to try again.

 

"We got in a fight because Riku... _ passed _ and he didn't tell me about it."

 

Understanding instantly took over the older woman's features, followed quickly by frustration. She let out a breath through her nose as she turned towards Naminé a little more. "I heard about that. Drunk driver, right?" Naminé nodded. "Right. Listen, this may sound a little bad, but this can be seen as a good thing. That means he won't be alive to see the world get any worse."

 

Naminé's eyes narrowed in confusion. "The…the world's gonna get worse?"

 

"Well…yeah. It's already in terrible shape now. If you watched the news, you'd know that. There are a lot of crooked politicians in positions of power, a lot of natural disasters are happening, there have been several school shootings this month alone, the world's a mess, Nami."

 

Naminé frowned, staring at the dark stain on her carpet from when the silver haired boy had dropped a cup of hot chocolate several years ago. His absence suddenly hurt even more, as did Roxas' behavior towards the situation, but she realized her mother may have been right. Just because she was stuck in her own little bubble didn't mean the entire world was doing better than her. She felt selfish for not looking at the current events; she felt selfish for not wanting to.

 

That might explain why her mother chose to stay with her father. She used to tell Naminé lots of stories about how sweet her father used to be back when they were only dating, and Naminé loved hearing them. If the world was going to get worse, the people in it could get worse too. Her mother could have been trying to make the best of a bad situation because she knew life could be twice as stressful and intense as it already was. Naminé still thought it was stupid of her, but she now had a better understanding of why her mother put up with him and his awful behavior.

 

"So what you're saying is…I should be happy for him?"

 

The woman's eyes darted up toward the ceiling. "Yes and no. I'm not going to tell you not to be sad for the loss because grief is a natural thing to feel. I only told you that to help ease the pain. It's okay to miss him, but be happy that he's not suffering."

 

Naminé nodded slowly, letting the words sink in one sentence at a time. She felt that she understood what her mother was trying to explain, but it left a really bad taste in her mouth. If the world was only going to get worse, why were they all still here suffering? Were they just waiting to die so that the pain could stop? "What about Roxas?"

 

A small smile appeared. "I don't think Roxas meant any harm. He probably didn't tell you because he didn't want you to worry."

 

She highly doubted that, but she didn't feel like going into detail about anything. Just sharing that little bit of information had left her exhausted and ready to crash her head back into her soft pillow for another four hours. "You're right. Thanks."

 

"You're welcome, honey." She looked at the digital wall clock that hung above Naminé's door and almost threw herself into a panic. "I'm late! Don't forget to do your laundry. And get that paint off the kitchen table, please!"

 

In hindsight, it was a terrible idea to try and paint something on a wooden table. 

 

"I'll try."

 

Her mother threw herself out of the room just seconds after Naminé's response. Just as the tired blonde was about to lie down again, she heard her mom squeak in the hallway. At first she'd contemplated going to investigate, but quickly decided it wasn't worth leaving the comfort of her bed. Her clumsy mother had probably just run into something again.

 

Things were quiet, minus the gentle hum of the A/C and the soft murmuring in the hall outside of her room. It wasn't the quiet that she had been waiting all week for, but a tense one full of anxious thoughts and a deep fear of the future. How much worse would her life get? When would it happen? The thought of living the rest of her life in fear, or feeling like that forever, was terrifying.

 

_ It doesn't get better _ , a voice in her head whispered.  _ All those cute commercials and colorful posters that you've seen lied. How can life get better in this condition? _

 

Naminé sighed disappointedly. Only seventeen years of being alive (and five years of having this…whatever it was) and all she'd learned was that the overused expression "life's a bitch, and then you die" was the most uncomfortable pill she'd ever had to swallow.

 

"I hate everythinggggg," she groaned, burying her face deeper into her pillow. And she believed that to be the truth.

 

Her door opened again, and Naminé had to fight down an aggravated outburst. No, her mom didn't leave anything in her room, and if it was her father coming to speak to her, he could go jump off a cliff. Keeping her eyes shut, the tired teen muttered, "No offense to whoever you are, but I'm exhausted so get out."

 

"You think  _ I'm _ not exhausted after the week I've had?"

 

Her eyes popped open, zeroing in on her favorite blond boy. He used to be, at least. Right? He had been a bit of a jerk earlier in the week, but that didn't mean she hated him. He was still her favorite, but she was also still mad at him.

 

"Full offense, get out."

 

Rolling his eyes, he walked over to her bed and crawled over her to get to the other side just like he always had. She sucked her teeth as he got comfortable in her bed. "I said get out, not get in my bed."

 

"I heard what the hell you said. We need to talk about this."

 

Naminé pulled the sheets over her head. “I think I wanna wait another week," she retorted.

 

"Yeah, because that worked out so well last time. Let's keep running away from our problems hoping they'll fix themselves until one of us assumes the wrong thing and gets explosively angry, which will cause more problems. Why the hell would we want to do it the easy way? The hard, emotionally draining way is  _ so _ much fun!"

 

Naminé quickly sat up, tossed the covers off of her head, and fixed him with a vicious glare. "Fine. What do you want?"

 

Roxas sat up as well, crossing his legs as he gave her his undivided attention. "I want to fix this and be happy again. I don't really understand why you're so upset."

 

"You—!"

 

"Before you bite my head off," he sighed, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "I know I lied. I did know that girl and I did tell her and everyone else not to tell you what happened. I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else. The last few weeks have been so fucking stressful for the both of us and I just wanted us to have a few days of peace. Don't we deserve that?"

 

Naminé frowned. "Although I appreciate the sentiment, I still think I deserved to know about it as soon as  _ you _ knew. Instead of hiding it from me, you could have just told me and helped me through it. That's not the only thing I'm mad about."

 

"All right. What else is there to talk about?"

 

Did he really think that playing stupid was going to work for him? She scoffed. "How about the fact that you still don't seem to care? I'm looking at you now and I don't see a single shred of remorse or grief. I feel like you don't care about his death at all."

 

Roxas shrugged, expression as dead as her Absent face. "I don't. I didn't care about him when he was alive, I don't care about him now that he's dead. If you care, then that's…that's  _ fine _ ." She noticed that he struggled to say that. He almost looked angry. "But I'm not going to be fake about it. I genuinely don't care. I'll happily help you get over it, but I can't sympathize with you on this."

 

"See, that's what doesn't make sense. Do you care about me? At all?"

 

His face softened, and his eyes shone with an emotion she couldn't name as a smile came to his lips. "I'd give my life for you."

 

Naminé opened her mouth to respond, but wound up choking on her words. That bold declaration had caught her by surprise, but it also warmed her heart. That stupid adorable idiot. Sometimes he made it incredibly hard to stay mad at him. "I really appreciate that…but save that for another time, please."

 

"Sorry. I…finish what you were saying," he mumbled.

 

She took a moment to collect herself before attempting to speak again. "If you care about me, then shouldn't you care about what's important to me? You two fell out because of me, and knowing that hasn't been easy on my conscience, Roxas. We were friends before he died. Why are you still upset about it?"

 

"I have a hard time believing that friends kiss each other in the middle of crowded hallways, hold hands, walk each other to class, and go on fucking dates," he frowned.

 

"That only happened because we were going through this really weird transition period. We went from hating each other to apologizing for old shit and I wanted to see if  _ something _ was still there. He kissed me for the exact same reason, and later told me that it just wasn't the same. That's when we agreed to be friends."

 

Roxas' face went through several emotions within a span of five seconds. "Oh…"

 

"Yeah. Oh."

 

He attempted to smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything. "I am so sorry, baby. I didn't know. I messed up again. I'm such a piece of shit."

 

"It's okay—"

 

"No, it's not. I'm messing up because I'm nervous about…being with you? We're more than just friends now and that's really exciting, but also really scary." Roxas pushed his fingers through his hair and exhaled shakily. "I'm so afraid of fucking up that it's causing me to fuck up. I'm sorry…"

 

Tired, not wanting to fight anymore, and suddenly wanting to make everything better, Naminé crawled forward and hugged him tight. It took a while, but Roxas eventually reciprocated. A warm smile spread across her face as she inched forward and kissed the exposed skin of his neck. "I'm sorry too. We could have solved this way earlier, but I had to run away like a brat and ignore all your calls. I wish I wasn't such a head case."

 

Roxas laughed softly. "You are not a head case. You go through a lot and I understand that. No matter how mad I get or how mad  _ you _ get, you'll never get rid of me. I'll always be here. I swear on my heart and soul."

 

After nearly having a breakdown over her mother's words, Naminé truly appreciated hearing that. It was a lot easier to take in, and made her feel loved all over again. She was beginning to think she expected too much of Roxas. He was only human, after all. It would be completely unfair of her to hold him to such impossible standards and try to turn him into the perfect boyfriend. This was new for the both of them. They had been friends since forever, but actually being a couple was very different.

 

"So you're not mad at me anymore?" he whispered, pressing his lips to her temple.

 

"No," she mumbled. "Just mad at my mom now."

 

"Let me guess: she tried to defend your dad again?"

 

"Worse. He wants to come cook us dinner and have family time or whatever and she's going to let him. He even wants you to come."

 

"That sounds like a great idea. For a fucking psychopath," he muttered darkly. "Maybe I'll let him throw me off the clock tower tomorrow so we can all kumbaya around a campfire and roast marshmallows next week."

 

Naminé couldn't stop herself from giggling. "Yeah, I have every intention of missing out on that." She paused to sit back on her heels. Roxas' arms fell to his sides to balance himself as he unfolded his legs. "Sorry if I'm complaining, but everything just really sucks right now. My mom's an idiot, Riku's gone, my head's all messed up and I keep panicking about everything, but also…nothing. I don't know what's happening to me. Where did all this come from?"

 

With a soft smile and a tilt of his head, Roxas said, "I know what you mean. That's just life. Everyone goes through it—it's like a rite of passage or something. It never really goes away. You just have to find something that's worth fighting for and fight for it."

 

Naminé frowned. "And what if you run out of things to fight for?"

 

He averted his eyes, scratching the bottom of his cheek with his index finger. "I don't really know. I don't like to think about it. I mean, what's the point? I kinda have this mindset of  _ you either kill yourself or get killed _ . The people who actually do kill themselves are stupid."

 

Naminé's heart sank. For someone who had just said something incredibly sweet a few moments ago, that was a pretty heartless statement. "I don't think they're stupid. Some of them honestly believe they don't have another way out."

 

"Another way out of what?" he snorted. "Their fake ass sadness? Why can't they suck it up like the rest of us can? You killed yourself because your boyfriend broke up with you? That's dumb."

 

The conversation had quickly taken a dark turn, and she didn't like the taste that it was leaving in her mouth. There was something bitter about his tone. Hateful, even. And why were they suddenly talking about suicide? That was even worse than talking about Riku or her parents. "I...don't want to talk about this anymore."

 

"Good. I don't want to talk at all," he whispered as he crawled toward her. Unlike before, Naminé didn't feel comforted by his kiss. She hated to think it, but it almost felt…creepy. She didn't feel like having that kind of physical contact with him after he'd said those things.

 

Feeling ashamed, and disgusted with herself for even associating someone so pure with the word creepy, Naminé pulled away. "Can we not? I'm not really in the mood."

 

Roxas raised an eyebrow, obviously amused. "You're not in the mood to be my girlfriend?"

 

"That's not what I'm saying—"

 

"What  _ are _ you saying?" he pressed. Despite the smile on his face, he still looked upset. Not really angry, but almost.  _ He has every right to be _ , Naminé thought. They'd spent a whole week apart after a pretty messy argument, and she couldn't even bring herself to kiss him because she didn't agree with his opinion? That was wrong.

 

When she didn't respond immediately, Roxas sighed. "Seriously, Naminé, you gotta stop freaking out about petty stuff. I get that you're having a rough time but I'm trying to help. As your boyfriend, it's my job to take your mind off of things. Let me do my job. Please?"

 

That made her feel even worse. He always hated it when she declined his help. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

 

"So I can help?"

 

She nodded slowly, allowing him to kiss her again. It took her a minute to reciprocate. It felt awkward and weird, especially since she could feel his frustration leaking into the kiss like oil into water. Her own frustration came into the mix and she felt like she was being unfair to him again. Cringing slightly, she mimicked the movement of his lips with her own. Naminé was frightened by how easily she could detach herself from the situation and pretend that she was enjoying it.

 

In reality…she was beginning to think that she didn't really love him at all.

 

No. Naminé  _ did _ love him. Just not in a…romantic way? But how could that be when she'd spent so many years pining after him and wishing they could be together? She'd prayed for moments like this because she thought it was the way to happiness. Just a few days ago, she  _ was _ happy with him. Was it possible that she was still upset at him about how he'd reacted, or hadn't reacted to Riku's death? Did she lie about forgiving him?

 

Naminé felt like a spoiled brat. She didn't deserve someone as amazing as Roxas as a boyfriend. He was perfect in his own imperfect way and all she did was stress him out and make him worry about her. Here he was trying to bring her out of her own head, only for her to retreat deeper into it. And why? Which one of her dumb reasons was it this time? Was she angry? Sad? Nervous? Disgusted?

 

She tried to pull away again, but he followed her. Breathless and overwhelmed, she tried once more. That only resulted in the older boy gently pushing her back into her own bed. Fear shot through her like a jolt of electricity, and she reflexively pushed him back. "Wait," she gasped. "I-I don't want this. Not right now. Kissing is fine, but I really am tired."

 

He didn't look like he believed her. Naminé wasn't even sure if she believed herself. "Seriously, Nam? What did I just say?"

 

"I know, I know, but—"

 

"But nothing, babe. I know what I'm doing. This will help you feel better, I promise."

 

Gulping, she hesitantly spoke, "I'm pretty sure I just need a nap…"

 

Roxas glared. No, sneered. "Goddamn it, why do you always do this? It's not that big a deal. I'm not asking you to jump through hoops. You..." He stopped, dragging his hands down his face with a groan. Naminé watched carefully, feeling small and trapped, but also guilty. "Baby," Roxas whispered, smoothing her hair out of her face. "I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't absolutely sure that it would help you. You gotta trust me on this."

 

Damn it, she was doing it again: making him feel like crap. Naminé quickly tried to remedy it. "We can do this later. Please, just let me sleep. You can wait like, two more hours right?"

 

His eyes hardened. She suddenly felt cold. "I've been waiting for years. Are you seriously not going to do this because you're tired? I'm tired too. I've been tired since my mom died. Do you know how many nights I'd lie awake wishing that you could offer me sex to get my mind off of the awful shit that's constantly running through my head?" And then his eyes softened. "I don't want you to go through that. Take your frustrations out on me if you need to. That's what I'm here for."

 

Roxas had a point. Her mind was still racing with ugly thoughts that she would much rather forget. He was offering her a way out. She didn't need to be mentally present for that to happen. "Okay…"

 

She felt numb the entire time. Somehow, the pain felt better than the numbness.

 

But Roxas was happy.

 

* * *

Passing through the hallway during transition was rough if you weren't a well known or popular face. You'd get pushed around, stepped on, bumped, and looked over. It made sense because everyone was trying to get where they were going quickly. When Roxas was unable to walk her from class to class, Naminé had a hard time getting anywhere. No one cared about avoiding her unless she was at the center of drama or with her more popular best friend.

 

The point is: the hallways are pure chaos. Take that chaos and multiply it by two. Now you have an idea of what the cafeteria is like.

 

The small blonde stood awkwardly in the lunch line, trying to ignore the loud laughter of the guys behind her and the giggles of the girls in front of her. This was their very stupid, but surprisingly effective way of flirting that she has had to witness time and time again. One of those girls wanted to be with one of those guys, so her friends did everything they could to make it extremely obvious. They'd dress her up, put on the strongest fruit scented perfume they could find, and just laugh from a short distance away while sending fleeting glances at the guy who was being targeted.

 

It wasn't just the girls who were being stupid. No, the friends of that guy would always laugh every time it happened, nudging their friend and whispering disgusting jokes in his ear to pump up his ego. Not once would either group actually interact during this phase. People suspected that this happened because both groups wanted everyone to know that something was going to happen eventually. It was like being in an annoying teen reality show.

 

While they played their idiotic game, Naminé was stuck standing between the two groups. The servers stood there impatiently as the girls refused to move from their spot, and the students behind the guys looked borderline murderous. They just so happened to be holding up the line on a day where the cafeteria food was actually good.

 

Her stomach growled as one of the girls "discreetly" pushed her hair back over her shoulders. It was then that Naminé decided she couldn't take it anymore. " _ Excuse _ me," she said loudly as she pushed through the group of girls. The server looked relieved as she dipped the ladle into the vat of chili and spread it across the hot dog, then slid it over the metal divider.

 

"Hey, you can't cut us. We're clearly in line."

 

Naminé deadpanned. "You're clearly holding  _ up _ the line. If you're not hungry, that's cool, but I am."

 

The girl glared, looking back at her friends as if she needed some sort of confirmation to insult her. And then she insulted her. "Okay, bitch. Just because you're friends with Roxas doesn't mean the whole school has to treat you like a princess. Keep acting like this and he'll leave you just like Riku did."

 

Her heart jumped into her throat. The girl's words had made her angry, but not angry enough to stop the overwhelming feeling of panic that had slammed into her like a semi truck. Her Absent Face slipped into place as she rolled her eyes. Even if she was hurt and felt like running to the nearest toilet to vomit, she wouldn't show it.

 

"Whatever," she muttered.

 

"Look at her—she thinks she's such a badass. I wish you would just transfer or something. No one even likes you, Naminé."

 

Before she could stop herself, she blurted, "And no one likes your nasty ass perfume. You smell like rotten apples."

 

The girl's face drained of all color as the group of guys behind her all burst into laughter. Naminé felt the slightest bit of relief, but she knew that little victory would come with a price. For a group of people who prided themselves on being mature, they sure loved playing childish pranks for revenge.

 

She collected herself quickly, snatching the tray that was clearly meant for Naminé. "Kill yourself," she hissed as she purposely bumped into her shoulder on her way out of the line. The rest of the girls gave her dirty looks as they passed her without bothering to stop for food.

 

The server frowned as she prepared two hot dogs on the next tray and slid it directly to Naminé. She offered a weak smile to the woman, who automatically mirrored it. At least someone cared.

 

Exhaling deeply, the blonde walked to the very end of the line and punched in her ID number. The lady behind the computer lazily tapped the touch screen a couple times. "Five dollars."

 

Naminé squinted in confusion. "I have free lunch."

 

"It says here that your ID number has already been used. An extra lunch is five dollars."

 

She gripped her tray a bit tighter, anger rising in the throat like bile. The students in her school has a bad habit of stealing ID numbers just to have another lunch. Unfortunately, most of the lunch ladies didn't care if the information they were given was accurate; all that mattered was that the number had been used. But who would have stolen her ID? No one ever got that close to her. "That can't be right. This is my first time coming in the line today and no one else knows my number."

 

"If you can't afford five measly dollars, then get out of my line."

 

"Chill, Miss Rae. I got it," a voice called from behind her. Naminé stiffened as she felt a hand on her lower back. Moments later, a tall guy in a blue letterman stepped into view. His blond hair peeked out from beneath his beanie. Naminé stared at him in awe as her nerves worsened. He looked down at her and flashed a comforting smile that set her cheeks ablaze.

 

The nameless guy paid for her and exchanged a few words with the lunch lady before picking up his own tray. "Let's go, Naminé."

 

She'd never felt compelled to follow behind anyone other than Roxas, who was strangely missing this afternoon.

 

They walked side by side, though it was obvious that he was leading. Naminé didn't know what was happening or why…but she was grateful for it. "Thank you," she mumbled as they came to the empty round table that she and Roxas usually sat at. Had he been watching her? How long had he been doing that?

 

"Don't worry about it. You and I have something in common: we both hate  _ that _ bitch. And you know, the enemy of my enemy, right?"

 

She took a seat across from him, wondering if this was just some kind of weird dream she was having about some random guy that she'd seen once. "I don't really hate her. She's just…"

 

"Horrible? Evil? The spawn of Satan?"

 

Her mouth twitched up into a smile. "I was going to say rude, but okay."

 

The guy laughed. It spread to Naminé quicker than infection. He had a beautiful smile, and a pair of hypnotic brown eyes that she found herself drawn to, despite hating eye contact with a burning passion. "I hope this doesn't sound rude, but…what's your name again?"

 

He tilted his head to the side, an amused smirk working its way through his features. "You don't know who I am?"

 

Naminé shook her head. That was embarrassing. He probably knew her, but she had no idea who he was, what he did, or who he was friends with.

 

The smirk turned into something a lot more charming as he extended his hand over the table. "Seifer."

 

Feeling slightly more comfortable with that information, she shook his hand. "Naminé."

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

"Oh, sorry…"

 

Seifer laughed like that was the funniest thing in the world. "Why are you so nervous? I'm a friend."

 

Friend. That word seemed to have a completely different meaning depending on who used it. She didn't know if his definition of "friend" would bring her harm or bring her comfort…but she wanted to trust him. Not everyone in that school was a bad person. She still remembered Yuffie, who had been nothing but nice to her since the day they met. Maybe Seifer could really be a new friend.

 

"Oh hell no! Get the fuck out of my seat, Almasy!"

 

Both teens looked up to see a fuming Roxas approach the table and slam his tray down. Seifer sighed. "Relax. I was just talking to my new friend Naminé."

 

Roxas towered over the other boy, eyes narrowed. What was this about? Was he just being his usual overprotective self or was this that same jealousy that had reared its ugly head during her last relationship?

 

"Get out of my seat before I move you."

 

Seifer quickly glanced to the blonde, chuckling softly as he grabbed his tray. "Fine. I'll see you later, Naminé."

 

The two boys traded places, eyes locking until Seifer turned his back to leave. That's when Roxas turned his poisonous glare to her. "What was he doing in my chair?"

 

"He just paid for my lunch because someone stole my ID. Then he sat down here. We didn't even get a chance to have a proper conversation," she frowned, wishing he would cut this out and go back to being his usual goofy self.

 

" _ I _ took you ID. I thought you would have realized that and just used mine, but whatever," he mumbled. "Just stay away from that guy. He's not good for you."

 

She frowned, looking over to where Seifer sat at his new table. "He seemed pretty nice to me."

 

"Riku seemed pretty nice before he fucked the both of us over, didn't he?" he hissed. Naminé didn't respond. What could she even say to that? " _ Exactly _ . Just listen to me for once and stay away from him."

 

Knowing that she had angered him even more than he already was, she lowered her head and began to eat. He was probably having a bad day already. There was no need to make whatever he was dealing with worse by arguing with him, even though she really wanted to know why he'd used her ID instead of his own. 

 

Though she couldn't necessarily promise that she would listen to him. Roxas had been wrong about people before. He very well could have been wrong about Seifer.

 

* * *

Naminé's body was incredibly sore well into the next day, so she dragged herself around the house as slowly as possible. She had planned to waste the day away in bed, but…

 

"Do you think you could go pick up some things from the store for me…?"

 

Her parents hadn’t picked up any seasoning on their grocery trip, and her father had used the last of practically every seasoning they had when he had cooked them dinner. 

 

Naminé knew, whether she wanted to or not, that she had to go to the store. It was embarrassing to even acknowledge the fact that she and Roxas were sleeping together now; she didn't need her mother asking questions about why she didn’t want to go when they both knew she wouldn't have a problem running errands at any other time.

 

Speaking of her mother, the woman seemed especially attentive towards Naminé after forcing her to sit at the same table with the man who had given them countless black eyes and concussions throughout the years. Naminé refused to say more than a few words to her after he'd left, so maybe she was feeling guilty.

 

Admittedly…the dinner her father had cooked was delicious. His cooking tasted even better than she remembered. Rediscovering all the incredible flavors he could create messed with her head. Maybe it was childish of her to think so, but it didn’t seem fair that abusers could be talented. They shouldn't be able to make great music or cook amazing food or be really funny. But her dad  _ could _ cook. Her dad could sing, play the guitar, and write amazing lyrics. He'd demonstrated that after their meal with a song he'd written for her mother. It turned her stomach. Awful people shouldn't be capable of making beautiful things. That song shouldn't be stuck in her head, and her taste buds shouldn't be yearning for his cooking again. Someone else deserved those good qualities.

 

All of this and more went through Naminé’s mind as she trudged through the aisles of the grocery store. After tossing a few bottles of seasoning into her basket, she looked down at the list she had made on her phone's notepad. Just as she was about to scroll, her phone vibrated three times.

 

**3 New Messages**

 

_ Roxy: Hey where you run off to? _

 

_ Roxy: I saw you leaving through the bathroom window when I was taking a shower _

 

_ Roxy: That sounds creepy but I'm not like stalking you...just weird to see you leave the house without me _

 

Naminé's thumb hovered over the reply button as she read the messages again. Something felt weird. Or  _ she _ felt weird, rather. She shook her head and quickly replied.

 

_ Mom sent me out to go get groceries. My dad used up all our stuff when making us dinner _

 

The blonde exhaled as she checked her list and walked to the frozen foods section for ice cream. The store was unusually empty, which made things a lot easier for her. Any time after noon would have been like trying to get to class during prom week.

 

Prom week. That was the following week.

 

Naminé shuddered.

 

Once at the frozen section, the blonde pulled out two boxes of seasalt ice cream. Her fingers itched to grab for more but she remembered her budget and forced herself to shut the freezer door.

 

**4 New Messages**

 

_ Roxy: Ew lol I hate him _

 

_ Roxy: Alright then. That's all I wanted to know. Be safe, baby _

 

_ Roxy: I mean I wouldn't have had to say that if you just asked me for a ride but…. _

 

_ Roxy: Well I was in the shower anyway so I guess it all worked out? Lol what am I talking about? Love you _

 

The blonde smiled to herself as she turned her screen off. The weird feeling from the day before hadn't gone away, but she was happy to see him in such a chipper mood. As she turned to leave the aisle, she saw a familiar face a couple of steps away.

 

"Yuffie?"

 

The girl turned quickly. Confusion melted into pleasant surprise. With a small basket dangling from the bend of her elbow, Yuffie closed the distance between them. "Hey, there! How are ya?"

 

Naminé shrugged, not really knowing how she was. "Okay, I guess. You?"

 

Yuffie chuckled, shrugging as well. "As okay as I can be without everyone pretending to offer me help because of what happened to Riku."

 

Naminé had been approached by so many people who had offered her an ear or a shoulder because of Riku's death. Of course Yuffie would have been approached too. They were a thing…briefly. As long as everyone else went to sleep feeling good about themselves for at least offering, it didn't really matter if they were actually okay or not, did it?

 

"Sounds about right," Naminé sighed. They started walking in silence, but not an uncomfortable one. Yuffie was one of the few people Naminé could actually be around without wondering if she was up to something or had an ulterior motive. If they could have remained as close as they were back in middle school. Before Riku, before Seifer, before Asshole Roxas, before the razor.

 

"It's kind of insane isn't it? Hit by a drunk driver…" the blonde mumbled.

 

Yuffie raised an eyebrow. "Really? I heard he was driving drunk."

 

Naminé gently shook her head. "Riku wasn't stupid enough to get behind the wheel under the influence. He…" she inhaled deeply, "…cared about his life. Dying was one of his biggest fears."

 

The brunette frowned. "I never knew that."

 

"Not a lot of people did."

 

Yuffie made a sharp turn into one of the aisles they were about to pass. Naminé followed, watching quietly as she searched for what she needed and dropped it into her basket. "At the risk of sounding like everyone else at school, I'm here if you need me. I mean that. You can talk to me about anything."

 

Coming from her, it actually sounded genuine. Yuffie was a genuine person all around. She was rarely involved in any drama, she helped pretty much everyone in any way she could, and she had absolutely no reason to distrust her. "Don't worry, I believe you," she laughed.

 

They started walking again, this time towards the check out line. "You remember what happened to us, Nami? We used to be really close."

 

"Honestly?" No. She had no idea. "I figured it was just something that happened naturally. We haven't taken any classes together in years, and we don't have any mutual friends. I—" Naminé's phone vibrated again.

 

**1 New Message**

 

_ Roxy: I said I love you. _

 

Naminé exhaled her aggravation as she hit reply and sent him some generic sugar coated message. She wasn't angry with him, but she didn't want to be bothered today. Not that he was a bother. What she felt was complicated and didn't make any sense, but she couldn't help it. She just  _ didn't want to talk to him. _

 

"Your boyfriend?" Yuffie asked, nudging her with an easygoing smile.

 

"Yeah. Roxas is being dramatic. As usual…"

 

Yuffie sat her basket on top of the counter, and the cashier began scanning her items. "So you really are dating Roxas now? Huh. I was sure you would have gotten tired of him chasing your friends away."

 

Naminé blinked. "He did not chase my friends away. He's…protective of me. And he has every reason to be."

 

"More like overprotective," Yuffie said. "But what's it like being with him? Are the rumors about him being crazy and manipulative true?"

 

The blonde's jaw dropped. There were rumors about Roxas? He was one of the most popular people in school. How could anyone even think of saying stuff about him? Especially awful lies like that. "No! No, Roxas is the furthest thing from manipulative, I promise you. And he's not "crazy" either. People just don't understand him."

 

"I see. If you're sure..."

 

"Believe me when I say he's perfectly fine. I’ve known Roxas my whole life. I think I’d know if he were like that," Naminé snorted.

 

Their conversation paused as Yuffie paid for her groceries. While they were being bagged, Naminé pushed her basket forward and allowed the cashier to scan her things. It took all of five minutes, and Naminé realized she may have gotten way more than she could physically carry. Damn, what was she supposed to do, take the whole basket home?

 

Yuffie looked over to her basket, grimacing. "That looks like a lot…"

 

Naminé forced a nervous laugh. "It is. I can handle it, though! Don't worry about it."

 

"…Do you need a ride home?"

 

"I…yeah."

 

The brunette laughed as she dug her keys out of her pocket. "Come on, girlie."

 

Another five minutes was spent packing Naminé's groceries into the trunk. After, the two girls climbed into the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

 

"You still live in the same house, right?"

 

"Yup. Nice car, by the way."

 

"Birthday present," Yuffie grinned. "It's not the exact car I wanted, but I'm grateful. When are you going to get a car, if you don't mind me asking?"

 

Naminé rolled her eyes playfully. "Probably when Roxas goes to college. My mom doesn't see a reason for me to have a car when he has one and we live right next to each other."

 

"Ohhh, I forgot about that. Damn, you live right next door to your childhood friend turned boyfriend? That's got to be a dream come true."

 

It was, wasn't it? Or at least it was supposed to be.

 

No, it definitely was. Right? Would saying anything otherwise make her a bad person? A bad girlfriend? 

 

"Yeah," she finally smiled. "It is."

 

Yuffie glanced over, looking a little worried. "You hesitated."

 

_ Shit _ .

 

"I’m just feeling a little off today. We're doing okay. I just…something weird happened yesterday? I shouldn’t be worried about it but my dumb brain keeps going back to it."

 

"You wanna talk about it? I can pull over." Before Naminé could politely decline, the car was already switching lanes and drifting into a slightly grassy area on the side of the road. Guess there was no getting out of this one. In all honesty, she felt a bit relieved. She would finally be able to get input from someone who cared, someone who wasn't Roxas.

 

Sighing, Naminé sat back in her seat. "Earlier this week, we got into an argument. He got really jealous about something, things blew up, and we wound up not talking for a couple days. He came over yesterday to talk it out and everything went fine." She felt herself frown. "He said he wanted to help me feel better and take my mind off of it, but I kind of…didn't…want to."

 

Yuffie's eyes widened as she came out of her seatbelt in order to face Naminé. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" she asked, expression growing angrier by the second.

 

"It was…we…we just had sex. That's all."

 

"No," Yuffie glared. "If you didn’t want to and he  _ made _ you, that’s rape."

 

* * *

You know moments where, on top of having a bad day, it feels like everyone is staring at you? Common sense is telling you that you're not that important, but you still feel everyone's eyes clinging to you? This was not one of those moments for Naminé. Everyone  _ was _ staring at her and she knew exactly why. It was all Seifer's fault.

 

When she got to her locker, she saw a sheet of paper taped to the front of it. There was a message written in what looked like Expo marker.

 

_ Got any razors I could borrow? _

 

Frowning, she snatched it off, crumpled it up in her fists, and let it hit the floor. There was no reason to entertain this type of stupidity. Naminé put her combination in, then gently pulled the door open. Her blood ran cold as several more sheets of notebook paper, construction paper and printer paper spilled onto the ground around her feet. Each one had those same awful words on it. A few sniggers and stifled giggles hit her ears. Even though her heart was breaking, her Absent Face slipped into place as she closed her eyes and stood there until the bell rang, and everyone escaped to their respective classes.

 

_ Don't be too mad at them. They don't know what it's like to need it. _

 

Naminé took a breath and slowly expelled it, not caring that she was late to her own class. It was fine. As long as she didn't read those words again, she could survive the day. As long as she didn't give them the dramatic display of tears that they obviously wanted, she could survive the year. Maybe she could talk her mother into homeschooling her for the last two years of school. Or she could probably transfer. If she were being hopeful, maybe her mother would tell her they'd hit the lottery when she got home and they could move far away from this town. With Roxas, of course.

 

"Hey babe."

 

Her skin began to crawl as she felt an arm wrap around her waist, lips pressing against her temple. It was Seifer. "Enjoying the letters from your secret admirers?"

 

" _ Fuck _ you," she spoke. There was no emotion to it, despite wanting to scream to the high heavens and punch the prick in the face. Roxas was right. She never should have trusted him.

 

He chuckled, squeezing her a little too tight. "You already did. That's what got you into this mess," he smirked. "Come say hi to a few friends of mine."

 

"Go die in a ditch, Seifer. I want nothing to do with you or your pathetic wannabe gang."

 

Seifer grabbed her by the throat and shoved her against the locker. Her eyes flew open as the anger within her vanished. All that was left behind was terror. She tried to push him away, but he roughly pulled her forward and slammed her back into the lockers. Naminé swallowed hard as he stepped closer. "I didn't ask you what you wanted, did I? My friends want to meet the emo slut so come. say.  _ hello. _ "

 

As she struggled to breathe with his hand tightening around her throat, she saw her mother and father in her mind’s eye. The image of him choking her in a similar way, though brief, shook her to her core. She didn't want to be like her mother. She didn't want to put up with the same abusive treatment, especially not from someone like Seifer. There was no love there. He had taken advantage of her at her weakest and she hated him for it.

 

"Yo, let her go, Seif. That ain't cool, y'know?"

 

"Defenseless."

 

The blond scoffed. "She just tried to hit me. Am I not supposed to defend myself?"

 

She was amazed by his ability to lie so naturally. Now all the smooth talk and charming made sense. Several people had warned her that he was no good (Roxas being the main one) and she had ignored them all just because she'd craved a little attention. Maybe Riku was right: she  _ was _ a bad person. If that was the case then she probably deserved every second of this treatment.

 

Her eyes began to sting as she stared at the roof of her locker, ignoring the argument Seifer had with his friends.  _ Emo slut _ …maybe he was right. Not only was she an emotional wreck ninety-nine percent of the time, she'd slept with someone she barely even liked as a person. That wasn't the way to feel better and she knew it, but she’d done it anyway.

 

_ I'm so damn stupid. _

 

Suddenly, the hand around her throat snatched away as if it had been burned. Naminé‘s hands flew to her throat as she gasped for air, and was surprised to see a fist colliding with the boy's temple. He went down without much of a fight. Rai, however, was still standing. The two boys went to blows, and it took her a couple of seconds to realize that her savior was Riku. The boys wrestled for a bit before Riku got the upper hand. He threaded his fingers in Rai's hair and slammed the back of his head into the tiled floor until he stopped resisting. By that time, most of the students from the nearby classrooms were back in the hallway, watching the aftermath of the quick, but brutal fight.

 

Fuu, the only one left in Seifer's "gang" still standing, looked at Riku with a neutral expression. Naminé remembered that she was his cousin. "Nurse," she spoke quietly as she turned on her heels and started down the hall.

 

Naminé swallowed thickly as she stared at a panting Riku, watching as he slowly collected himself. They hadn't spoken in so long, but the least she could do was show some appreciation for his help.

 

“Thank you…”

 

He turned to her with a fierce glare. "You really don’t learn, do you? Stop associating with assholes you fucking freak."

 

She stared in shock as the teachers started to push their way through the crowd to get to the older boy.

 

_ Freak? _

 

Her breaths were coming faster, each one a bit more shallow than the last. Her limbs felt like they were going numb, and she had a terrible pain in the middle of her chest that only seemed to grow with each passing second.

 

_ I can't breathe _

 

"Sunshine?"

 

_ I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I’m going to die I can’t breathe _

 

The mutters and whispers around her all sounded muffled, but she knew she had to get somewhere safe. She tried to walk, but collapsed after a couple steps, desperately clutching at her chest. Her chest was in so much pain and she couldn’t breathe?

 

Was she having a heart attack?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna say that no, Naminé didn't have a heart attack. Severe panic attacks can sometimes mimic the symptoms of a heart attack, and it can be really difficult to tell the difference between the two.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter references sexual assault and self harm

"Can I talk to you about something?"

 

Roxas looked away from his computer screen, where he had been looking at tuxedos for prom the upcoming weekend. Naminé hadn't even been thinking about looking at dresses until he'd asked her to come over and "prom shop" with him. So apparently they were going to prom together…even though he'd never asked her if she wanted to go.

 

Maybe he didn’t have to ask. They were a couple, so of course they would go together.

 

"Sure," he shrugged, pushing away from his desk and turning his chair toward her. Both his smile and posture were relaxed, and she felt bad for ruining it. Naminé knew this would turn into an argument, but Yuffie insisted that they talk about it. If this would prove to her that he definitely didn't do what she'd accused him of, then she'd do it just to get it off of her chest.

 

"Okay," she breathed. "I bumped into Yuffie at the store the other day."

 

"Tomboy Yuffie?"

 

"Yeah."

 

His smile widened. "Aw, I miss her. She was a really cool person. I wonder why we all stopped talking."

 

Naminé shrugged, for lack of anything better to do. It completely baffled her that Yuffie would accuse him of something so vile while Roxas could only say good things about her. Roxas didn't even have the characteristics of a rapist. He could have held her down and gotten violent with her but he didn't. They talked until they could agree on what to do. They  _ communicated _ .

 

_ Less thinking, more talking _ , a harsh whisper inside of her head reminded her. She took another deep breath and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Yuffie and I were talking and catching up in the short time that we were together. She even offered me a ride home."

 

"Well she's sweet like that. Yuffie cared about you almost as much as I do," he winked.

 

Naminé pressed her lips together to keep herself from smiling, but it did nothing to stop the flattered chuckle from escaping. "Yeah. We…talked about you. She didn't know that we were dating, so I told her a little bit about that—hey, did you know there are rumors about you being "crazy" at school?"

 

He frowned. "No? Who the hell is spreading rumors about me, and what are they saying?"

 

Again, she shrugged. "I don't know. We didn't get into it because I told her you weren't like that. She accepted that because it came from me and I've known you longer than anyone."

 

His smile came back as he reached over to pat her on the knee. "Good girl."

 

Now for the uncomfortable part of the conversation. "The part that I wanted to talk to you about was…I…I told her about the other day." Naminé watched him tilt his head and raise an eyebrow. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn she'd seen a flash of anger already behind his eyes. Even his mouth flattened into a straight line. "And even though I never said anything even remotely relating to this, or insinuated it at all, she's sort of convinced that…you may have raped me?"

 

Naminé had never seen his expression darken so much so quickly. He barely even look like the same person anymore. "…What the fuck?"

 

"Roxy—"

 

"What the  _ fuck _ , Naminé?! What the hell did you say to her to make her think I raped you?!" Roxas stood and began to pace back and forth in front of her. Naminé quickly got up to stop him, but he snatched away from her. "Don't fucking touch me! How could you do this to me after everything I've done for you?!"

 

She could feel the sharp sting of tears as they flooded her eyes. Naminé was at a loss for words. The only thing she could do was slowly shake her head.

 

He huffed, raking a hand through his wild hair as he resumed his pacing. "Is she gonna go to the police?"

 

Naminé swallowed the lump in her throat with a bit of difficulty. "N-No. She said she wouldn’t do anything without my say so, but she did say she wanted me to talk to you about it."

 

Roxas whipped around to face her, arms spread out to his sides. "What is there to even talk about, Naminé?! Are you serious with this shit?!"

 

"I didn't want to bring this up, I swear! But she…" Naminé paused to breathe. Her chest felt full, as if someone had shoved an air pump down her throat and filled it up like a balloon. "She said something about...coercion? She said that if you manipulate someone into having sex with you, it can be considered assault."

 

Roxas dropped his arms to his sides as he glared. "So you think I manipulated you? You're really gonna stand in my face and say that I—someone that adores you more than anyone or anything on this entire fucking planet—am so heartless that I would disregard your feelings just to get what I want?"

 

She slowly shook her head, confused and scared and ashamed. "I'm not saying that…"

 

" _ You're _ saying," he hissed as he walked forward, "That you—someone who has had absolutely no problem telling me no about other things in the past—are dumb enough to be manipulated? Because that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If you didn't want to do that, you didn't have you. I didn't force you in any way, and I definitely didn't "coerce" you or whatever. I would never do that. I would  _ never _ touch you without your consent and you know that."

 

Naminé lowered her head in shame as he started to pace again. "I  _ told _ her that, but she wouldn't listen. I-I know you're not that type of person."

 

"Then why would you bring up our sex life to someone who isn't even  _ fucking relevant in your life anymore?! _ " he roared.

 

"I just felt weird about it! I was overthinking a-and just wanted to confirm that that's what I was doing, but she took it the wrong way! I'm  _ sorry _ , Roxas! I didn’t want this to happen!"

 

He sighed loudly. Naminé knew it was stupid to even bring this up to him. He had every right to be angry with her. She had consented to everything they did together. It couldn’t have been assault. And if that got out to the wrong people, he could have lost his scholarship and his acceptance to HBSU. Life wouldn’t have been the same for him. If only she had kept her stupid mouth shut and kept her anxious thoughts to herself.

 

"It's…it's okay. Just promise me you'll keep our business between us from now on. Apparently there are already rumors floating around that I'm crazy. The last thing I need is to have the word rapist attached to my name. That would ruin everything for me."

 

Naminé frowned, despite the tears trailing down her face. "I don't really see how that's fair. Yuffie was concerned about me just like you were when I was in a relationship with Riku."

 

"That's not the same thing. Back then, I already knew he was no good for you. Yuffie's just being nosy. Our relationship is none of her business."

 

"Well Riku—"

 

"Riku's fucking dead, okay?! Why are we even—?!"

 

She must have had an awful look on her face because he immediately stopped talking. Roxas blew out an aggravated breath as he dragged his hands down his face. " _ I'm _ sorry, that was insensitive. What I meant to say was: I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk to your stupid friends about things that should be kept private, because it  _ upsets _ me when people accuse me of assaulting my own girlfriend," he smiled. It was strained to the point of looking painful, but she understood that he was doing it for her. He cared enough about her to attempt to keep this cool.

 

"Okay…"

 

"Okay?"

 

Naminé nodded, offering him a weak smile as a peace offering. He leaned down and pressed the softest of kisses to her lips. "Thank you. I love you, Sunshine."

 

She felt compelled to say: "I love you more."

 

He smiled softly as he cupped her face, gently wiping her runaway tears with his thumbs. "Stop crying. It's all right. Just don't do that shit again."

 

They spent the rest of their time huddled together in front of his desktop, comparing suits and dresses for prom. Roxas chose an adorable blue dress for her and a nice suit for himself. And their previous conversation was buried beneath Roxas’ excitement for prom.

 

* * *

 

There was a thick tension in the air that even the slightly therapeutic clicking of the keyboard’s keys beneath her fingers couldn't ease. She was supposed to be writing Roxas' literature report for school in exchange for him writing her report on sports, but she couldn't concentrate with the way he kept staring at her.

 

When word of Riku's confrontation with Seifer spread around the school, Roxas had hunted him down and fought him again. She'd heard some girls whispering about his “speech" in the hall, but she had no idea what that was about. Whatever he'd said made everyone treat her differently. People shied away from her and flinched when she spoke to them. And if they accidentally bumped into her, they would profusely apologize and high tail it out of there. That wasn't so bad, except Roxas' weird behavior around her had replaced the taunts and jeers she used to receive. If it wasn't one thing making her feel awful, it was another.

 

It didn't bother her at first. Every now and again, he'd look down at her arm whenever it came into view. Now, however, it was like he was purposely staring at them as if he expected her to just come out and talk about it. There were even a few instances where he would ask her if she was too hot or not-so-subtly mention the warm weather. Was he trying to get her to take off her jacket, or guilt trip her into bringing up the conversation so that he didn't have to?

 

Naminé quickly typed out the last sentence of his three page book report and sighed as she sat back in the chair. "There. Read over it to check for any grammatical errors, then print."

 

With a sly grin, Roxas slipped out of his own chair and plopped onto Naminé's lap. "Sweet. The Salem Witch Trials."

 

"Get off of me!"

 

Roxas made a face of disapproval as he looked at her over his shoulder. "Shut up, you sit on me all the time and I say nothing."

 

"I can do that because I don't weigh a ton!"

 

"I don't deserve this verbal abuse."

 

"Roxas,  _ move! _ "

 

He hummed, leaning forward as if he were actually focusing on the words in front of him. "Nah, I think I'll let my gigantic elephant ass suffocate you to death instead. Since I weigh a ton."

 

"Okay, now you're just being dramatic…"

 

Even from behind him, she could clearly see the smile Roxas tried to hide. "That's my specialty. Someone's gotta spice up your boring little life. I volunteer as tribute."

 

Naminé gave up. She knew that Roxas, being his usual doofus self, would only move when he wanted to, and that would most likely be whenever he was done reading over the report. Over the next twenty minutes, she let her legs go numb as they edited his paper together and took out all of the "big words" he would never use: cavalier, bucolic, loquacious, etc. Another five minutes were spent teaching him how to pronounce the words he wanted to leave in: conniption, indicative, et cetera,  _ etc _ . It should have surprised her that Roxas didn't know the definition of any of these words, but she knew how he felt about reading and vocabulary. So of course he wouldn't know.

 

"And that's it?" he asked with a skeptical look.

 

"That's it. Now just print it and put it in one of my reports covers."

 

Roxas sat up straight and grinned at the screen as he pressed the CTRL and P keys. The printer whirred to life in the corner of the room, and he sighed. "While that's happening," he said as he slowly moved back to his own chair, "Let's talk."

 

Her brow arched as she tilted her head towards him. "About?"

 

His eyes quickly darted down to her arms. She gulped. All of the playfulness was gone in an instant. When she refused to speak, he huffed. "I just want to know if it's true."

 

Naminé shrugged, trying her level best to appear nonchalant while she picked with her fingernails. On the inside, she was stress crying and panicking. "That rumor came from Riku and Seifer. You suddenly believe the words of two assholes that you can't even stand?"

 

"Normally, I wouldn't, but then I noticed that you wear a lot of long-sleeved clothing that you never seem to take off. It's pushing a hundred degrees and you're wearing wool right now."

 

"And? Why can't I just wear a cute wool sweater?"

 

"Because it's not cute? Because you're clearly trying to hide something and I've been too stupid to notice it up until a few weeks ago?"

 

"There's nothing for you to notice. This sweater's just really—"

 

Roxas snatched her wrist from her lap and pushed her sleeve up. The dark marks were a sharp contrast against her pale skin. They looked so out of place, and even though some of them looked as if they had been there for a while. His expression was as blank as the canvas that awaited her at home—the canvas she hadn't touched in two months because it required too much energy to try and create anything good. Roxas only stared, thumb gently rubbing against the raised skin. The thing that scared her the most was that she didn't know what he was thinking. Would this be a repeat of Riku's reaction? Or would it be ten times worse?

 

Slowly, Roxas pulled her sleeve back down. "I'm sorry."

 

Naminé blinked tears away from her eyes as she gently shook her head and avoided his eye. "Not your fault. Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

 

"I don't think—"

 

"I'm  _ fine _ , Roxas, please…"

 

Roxas stayed silent, but fidgeted in his seat. She felt bad for snapping at him, but she didn't want to talk about it. He wouldn't understand her explanation. He would blow up just like Riku had and leave her. Then she would be all alone.

 

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and felt compelled to look at him. He didn't look angry in the slightest, just sad. "Please come to me if you need me. You're not alone in anything that you do. You know that, right?"

 

Those words broke the dam, and Naminé found herself sobbing in his arms. He sat there and hugged her until it was all over, not saying a single word. When she was done, they didn't talk about it again. Roxas told her that he loved her and m changed the subject.

 

* * *

 

"This is nice, right?"

 

Naminé looked around at her surroundings as her darker haired companion turned in a lazy circle as they walked. Yes, it was nice. After putting up with more drama, she was glad to be out and about with someone who actually didn't stress her out or piss her off. Deciding to come out with Yuffie when she'd called had been the best decision she'd made in a while.

 

"It is," Naminé smiled. "Most people would think a walk in the park is boring."

 

"But all of those people are stuck up and ugly. Must be sad to live a life where you can’t get your dopamine fix without being a terrible person."

 

The blonde laughed as she sipped at the watered down soda she had gotten about an hour ago. She could still taste the greasy burger she'd had, not that it bothered her. In fact, she was grateful that Yuffie was nice enough to buy her food. "It's a good thing neither of us are on a diet."

 

Yuffie stopped walking, looking absolutely horrified. "I hate myself…"

 

This made Naminé laugh even harder. "How do you expect to succeed in your adult life if you don't get yourself together now?"

 

"I don't. I’m gonna drop out and either be a stripper or a ninja."

 

Naminé tsked and shook her head disappointedly. "I can’t believe you. You know that isn't a respectable life choice to make. I absolutely refuse to be friends with a ninja,” she joked

 

"I hate you, I thought you were gonna diss strippers for a second," Yuffie laughed.

 

"God, no. Imagine having enough upper and lower body strength to be able to do what they do. I can’t even get past the fourth rung on the monkey bars."

 

The two girls laughed and continued walking along the park trail again, just enjoying mindless conversation and one another's company. With Yuffie, she didn't feel any pressure or compulsion to be anything other than herself. Naminé had been so nervous about hanging out with her again, but things didn't feel any different from before. She was still a sweet, laid back girl who loved to joke around.

 

Yuffie was still protective of her friends, which she noticed when she'd told her about the situation with Roxas, but  _ that _ didn't matter. What mattered was that everything had been settled. Everyone was…happy.

 

"Hey Yuffie?" The blonde was cut off when she felt someone bump into her as they walked past her. It knocked her shoulder back and nearly caused her to stumble, yet she still felt the need to turn and mutter a weak  _ excuse me _ .

 

The familiar brunette stopped and faced her with a cruel smile. "You're excused."

 

Naminé frowned, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. Her record of Never-Ever-Bumping-Into-Olette-Again-Outside-of-School had just been broken, and she could feel her mood steadily decrease. If only she could whip out one of those sarcastic comebacks she used to throw at Roxas all the time. Where were they when she needed them? The time had come where they would actually count for something, but she was totally dry.

 

"Yikes, hop off the broomstick and come back down to earth once in awhile. I know it’s hard to understand basic human decency, but you usually apologize when  _ you  _ bump into people" Yuffie frowned. Naminé swore she could have said that if she were fast enough. Unfortunately, she was rarely ever fast enough when it came to talking up for herself.

 

Olette turned her attention to the self-proclaimed ninja in training, who didn't look the least bit afraid of her. Naminé had half a mind to cower behind Yuffie and let her handle everything, but she knew that would only make the situation worse. She had already been laughed at and insulted for letting other people fight her battles for her, and wasn't keen on repeating that experience. "Funny. Just like your stupid ass hair cut. It makes sense that you'd make yourself ugly just so you can start hanging around her again. Now Naminé doesn't have to feel alone."

 

"Roxas doesn't think I'm ugly," the blonde hissed. Finally, she got one.

 

Olette cackled. It was a cringe-worthy noise. Who did she think she was, some comic book villain? " _ Naminé _ , our boyfriend doesn't have the heart to tell you you're ugly. He's too much of a sweetheart."

 

Naminé stared, completely unimpressed and unbothered. After all that had happened, she'd resorted to trying to make Naminé doubt her own boyfriend, who she'd known for most of her life? Pathetic. That was just downright lazy. "Our boyfriend?" she asked, voice flat. It sounded more like a statement than anything.

 

"Yup!" she chirped, smiling sweetly. It was as fake as Naminé's Absent Face. "Where do you think he goes when you two are fighting? To Sora's house? I wonder how many times he's told you that lie."

 

Yuffie stepped forward, but Naminé quickly pulled her back by her arm. There was no reason for either of them to believe her, especially with the way Roxas seemed completely disinterested in her obvious attempts to flirt with him. She was clearly obsessed with him like he'd said, which didn't make any sense because Olette was the one to leave Roxas for Hayner. Maybe she was just crazy. Maybe she realized how good of a person Roxas was and wanted him back. Either way, Naminé refused to let the girl get into her head. She was an annoying parasite, but definitely not a threat to her relationship.

 

"Yeah. So um…" Naminé spoke slowly as she led Yuffie away from the wacko. "Seek help."

 

Olette called out a sugarcoated goodbye as the two friends power walked away. Immediately after doing so, both girls felt lighter.

 

"Hey," Yuffie began, "You believe any of that?"

 

Naminé rolled her eyes. "No. She's insane. I don't see why rumors about  _ her _ aren't spreading around the school."

 

"Oh there are. Her last  _ almost boyfriend _ was the one who started them. He said something about her being just like Roxas when it comes to relationships? I don't know what that means but I believe him."

 

The blonde shrugged, taking another long sip out of the nearly empty cup. "Yeah. That's her problem though."

 

"It's kinda yours, too. The two of you are obsessed with Roxas."

 

"I am  _ not obsessed with him! _ "

 

Yuffie flinched and took a step back from the seething blonde. The outburst had shocked the hell out both of them. She hadn't meant for it to come out like that. Where was that explosiveness when she was talking to Olette, or any of those other mean girls? She exhaled deeply and flexed her fingers. That's when she realized that her soda cup was on the ground and not in her hands.

 

"I…sorry," Naminé whispered as she picked up her litter and walked to the nearest trash can to dispose of it. It fell out of her grasp like it too had been stunned by her outburst. What the hell was wrong with her? There were so many nicer, much calmer ways to react to that. Yuffie was not her enemy.

 

The sound of footsteps came to a half right behind her, and she turned to see a guilty looking Yuffie hugging her arm to her side. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was meant to be a joke, but…that was kind of rude."

 

Naminé shook her head. "It's okay. Let's just forget about it."

 

Yuffie nodded silently, and they started walking again. The entire time, Naminé could only focus on the weight of her phone in her back pocket. Her fingers itched to text Roxas, but she decided not to. She needed to learn how to get through awkward moments without using him as a distraction. She had to get through life without him. 

 

She was  **not** obsessed with him.

 

* * *

 

Naminé absolutely refused to make eye contact with the principal, and silently fidgeted under his fiery glare. She hated it. She hated it more than she hated being called into his office for something so stupid. None of what happened was her fault.

 

The long, uncomfortable silence they had been sitting in was broken by a loud sigh. Roxas leaned his head all the way back and stared at the ceiling in disinterest. "Are you going to say something or are we just going to sit here and let my eye throb because I could be in the nurse's office getting an ice pack."

 

Riku snorted. Naminé quickly squeezed his knee to get him to stop before he added any fuel to the already dying flame. It wasn't worth it to stir things back up again.

 

"I could be handling important business right now, but instead I had to postpone my meeting to discipline you three  _ again _ . This is the fifth time in a single month that you three have been in my office for fighting and I've had enough. I warned you all to take care of the drama on your own time and you didn't. So now it's my turn. Roxas, you're off the team for the rest of the semester."

 

"What?! No, the team needs me!"

 

"You should have thought about that before you—"

 

"No! Fuck you and fuck this stupid ass school!" Roxas stood up and snatched his book bag off of the floor. "None of you care about actually doing your jobs, you just care about keeping us out of your sight. The nurse is hella rude, your so-called "school therapist" couldn't give a shit about what I'm going through even if you paid her to, the ugly ass lunch ladies spit in our food, and now you're going to take away the only thing that can distract me from losing my mom because  _ he _ picked a fight with  _ me?! _ "

 

Naminé quietly picked with her nails, listening, but not wanting to interfere. She agreed with Roxas. It wasn't fair. He was going through a lot and none of the staff seemed to care. Obeying the rules, getting good grades, and having perfect attendance was the only thing that mattered to these people. And Riku  _ did _ start the fight this time. Roxas shouldn't have been punished for that.

 

The principal frowned. "I'm sorry for your loss. Truly, I am. But you were warned about your behavior."

 

Roxas scoffed, though it kind of sounded like a laugh. His breathing was labored, and she felt awful for him. "Fuck off." And with that, he stormed out of the office, shoving some poor unfortunate soul to the ground on his way out.

 

The principal took a deep breath and shook his head as if to shake off any lingering effects of Roxas’ presence. The boy could be pretty scary, but Naminé had no idea he was scary enough to unnerve the principal himself. "Naminé, since your presence seems to disturb these two, I'm going to have to suspend you. Five days."

 

Well…that was fair. She could have tried harder to stop them from fighting again, but instead, she'd just stood there and watched them. If only her legs hadn't frozen up on her again.

 

"That doesn't make any sense, Sir," Riku spoke up. "Roxas and I were the ones dumb enough to fight in school. Taking her out of the picture won't stop us. Suspend  _ me _ , and I promise I'll come back with a better attitude. I'm the one who started the fight anyway; this is my lesson to learn, not hers."

 

"You're both suspended. I do agree that you have a lesson to learn, but I also believe that what Roxas needs right now is time away from you two."

 

"Then why not just suspend Roxas?!" Riku shouted.

 

"As you said,  _ you _ started the fight. Suspending Roxas would only teach him that defending himself is a punishable offense. The point I'm trying to get through his head is that repeated infractions lead to consequences. That's a lesson you need to learn as well. You're off Varsity for the semester."

 

"But Sir—!"

 

"It is not negotiable. Both of you call your parents and have them come pick you up."

 

Riku rolled his eyes and got up from his chair. Naminé stood as well and quietly followed him out of the office. Riku looked absolutely furious. She placed a hand on his arm, hoping to calm him down before he hit something. Or someone. "Hey, it's okay. I kind of get what the principal was saying."

 

"I don't. He's saying that because we're fighting over you, you have to be sent home? What kind of sense does that make?! I wish the fucker would go get laid or something…" he muttered, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

 

Naminé exhaled quietly, clutching onto the strap of her tote for dear life. There had to be something she could say or do to get him to calm down. She hated seeing him angry just as much as she hated the boys fighting over her. She felt like such a nuisance. It wasn't that she liked one of them more than the other, they both had their own special places in her heart. Maybe she would have to make a schedule for the two of them. If she could manage her time better and give them both equal amounts of her time, then they would be happy and stop arguing and fighting all the time.

 

As soon as she got home, she would construct a time table. That would fix everything.

 

"Look on the bright side," Naminé smiled. "We're suspended."

 

Riku eyed her warily. "Did I accidentally hit  _ you _ in the eye? How is that considered the bright side when you don't even deserve to be—?"

 

"Listen, dummy. We're suspended at the exact same time for the same amount of days. No school.  _ Together _ ."

 

The silver haired teen blinked stupidly, still not having caught on.

 

Giggling, she moved to stand in his path. He stopped walking, but she could tell by his posture that he was still irritated. With a small, mischievous smile, she gently grabbed his hands and stood up on her toes until her nose was touching his. "You and I are suspended for a whole week," she spoke softly. "That means no school, and most likely, no Roxas fir a while."

 

He blinked again She stood there silently as he slowly came to the same conclusion as she had. "Ohhhh, I get it."

 

"And you say I'm the slow one.”

 

"It's a disease and I'm apparently catching it."

 

Naminé rolled her eyes as she quickly pressed her lips to his, feeling completely in her element in the middle of the empty hall. "I'm sorry I haven't been spending much time with you lately. Roxas really needed me when his mom passed."

 

"I know," Riku sighed. "I know. And I wish I wasn't so selfish, but...I am. I want to have you around all the time. It feels like what we have is really fragile compared to what you and Roxas have. I know it sounds terrible but I can’t help it, Nam."

 

Naminé pressed her lips to his again. "No, I get it. I feel the same way sometimes. But I'm going to fix it, I swear. I love you."

 

Riku grinned wide, pulling the blonde into his arms and squeezing tight. "I love you, too. I promise I'll stop fighting with Roxas. For you."

 

Naminé closed her eyes, letting the love and warmth from his hug soak into her. It felt really good, but it felt like something was missing.

 

It would all be okay eventually. If she worked harder to make him happy, she would be happy too. Naminé just had to love him harder. She needed to love him more than she loved Roxas. If that was even possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, by law, it is considered rape if you manipulate or blackmail someone into having sex with you. You do not have to give yourself to someone if you don't want to, and your "excuses" aren't stupid or ridiculous. No means no. Unless your mind, body, and heart agree on it, don't do it. Don't let anyone scare you into doing it. That is NOT consensual sex.
> 
> Verbal consent is key. Ask, ask again, and make sure that person wants to receive what you’re trying to give. If you don't have that, don't proceed. Never assume what someone else wants and never assume that silence is consent. Don't let your significant other, spouse, best friend, or anyone pressure you into doing something you're uncomfortable with. Your body and your voice matters, and no one else can tell you otherwise.
> 
> I felt the need to put this in this story because a lot of people don't know about coercion. This is a subject that really means a lot to me and I take it very seriously. I hope the way I've portrayed it here doesn't give you the wrong impression.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has the potential to be very, very triggering for several reasons. If at any point you feel too uncomfortable to keep reading, please don't continue. Your mental health is more important than you finishing this story.
> 
> The italicized paragraphs should be skipped if slightly graphic depictions of self harm unsettle you.

Naminé sighed when she felt her boyfriend rest his chin on her shoulder and giggle. She knew he had been too quiet. He could never be content with just letting her read and have time to herself. 

 

"Hey, guess what?" he whispered.

 

If he was about to say it again, it would be the fourteenth time that week. Not that she ever got tired of hearing him say it. "What?"

 

"We're going to prom tomorrow night."

 

The blonde laughed as she shut her book and set it aside. Roxas didn't hesitate to swoop in and kiss her the very second she turned to face him. That was another thing she would never get tired of.

 

Well…she  _ was _ a bit tired of it already. But she didn’t want him to know that. It would only upset him and stir up more drama between them.

 

"Man, this is unbelievable!" he laughed, throwing himself backwards on his bed. A faraway look came to his eyes as his silly grin turned into something warmer. "I've always dreamt of going to prom with you, but I never thought it would really happen. Mom's gonna be so happy…"

 

Naminé felt her heart sink. What would his mom really think about this if she were still alive? According to Roxas, she wanted them to be together. Was it possible that she could see them from some magical one way mirror wherever she was? If so, would she approve of their relationship? What did she think of Naminé and how she treated her son?

 

"—all right, baby?"

 

She snapped back to reality, plastering on what she'd hoped was a convincing smile. "Yeah! Yeah, I just zoned out a bit."

 

He chuckled, folding his arms behind his head. "You're so cute. You don't have to imagine what prom will be like. It'll be here tomorrow, and I'll make sure it's the best night of our high school lives. I promise."

 

"I know you will."

 

Naminé suddenly got the mental image of a small redhead and a brunette being separated in a sad goodbye. 

 

She was probably losing her mind.

 

Her brow furrowed the tiniest bit as she tilted her head. "Hey, how are Sora and Kairi doing?"

 

"Uh, they're okay, I guess. The relationship is still there if that's what you mean. He's still a goofball, she's still the perfect princess everyone expects her to be, and…" He shot up into a sitting position. "Oh my God, what if they get voted king and queen over us at prom?"

 

"I can't be voted queen anyway. I'm a junior," Naminé reminded him.

 

"Then what about cutest couple in the year book?"

 

"Again, I'm a junior. They're not going to vote for us as anything because we're not in the same grade. It's the senior year book and the senior prom."

 

Roxas groaned as he flopped back onto his mattress. "This sucks. I was totally going to make copies of all our prom pictures and take them to HBSU with me. Since I get my own sleeping area, I was gonna make one of the walls into like…" he gestured to the wall in front of him, making circular gestures with his hand, "This Naminé mural you know? That way I can remember who and what I'm fighting for right after I wake up and right before I go to sleep."

 

Naminé had never been more certain that she didn't deserve him. Roxas was amazing.

 

"Or is that too creepy…?" he grimaced.

 

"No, no, it's perfect," she smiled. "I've never had a mural before."

 

"You've never had someone care about you as much as I do," he smirked. "Seriously, despite all your mistakes, I'm really happy. You make me happy. Being in a relationship with you is…I've always felt that something was missing from my life. It was like a hole that needed to be filled. And I stupidly tried to fill that hole by filling other holes—"

 

"Gross, Roxas…"

 

"It's the truth," he laughed. "I thought I needed someone to complete me, but now I know that  _ someone _ won't do because it has to be you. It's always been you, Sunshine."

 

Naminé felt her cheeks heat up and tried to cover it with her cool hands. "Where is all this coming from?"

 

He shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe prom is turning me into a girly sap. Or maybe it's you. I don't hate it though."

 

She chuckled, awkwardly pulling her hair over one shoulder because she didn't quite know what to do with her hands. She felt uncomfortable with the sudden praise from absolutely nowhere, but at the same time, she didn't want to be ungrateful. She'd spooked herself out with those thoughts of his mom and couldn't help but feel like she was being watched now. If that was the case, it was only fair that she said something nice back.

 

"I appreciate that. And I appreciate you too, Roxy. If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing. You've saved me from a lot of dangerous situations and I'm thankful for it all. I really love you."

 

His smile grew brighter as he sat up once again. Naminé stomped on the feeling of discomfort that started to grow in the pit of her stomach as he looked her right in her eye. "You know, I get the most amazing rush every time you say that. It sounds so perfect." And then his smile turned sad. "I don't know how I'm going to make it a whole year without you."

 

Naminé tried not to roll her eyes. This was his second time mentioning college and she did not want to talk or hear about it. "Don't even bring that up right now. That's going to ruin our good prom vibes."

 

"Right, right. Sorry." Roxas paused, a sly smile slowly spreading across his lips. The sight of it gave her a bad feeling. "I know what we can do to get rid of the bad vibes."

 

Naminé knew what was about to happen. She still hadn't fully recovered from their last argument about Yuffie‘s... _ accusation _ , so she chose to stop it before it became a problem. She had a right to say no. Roxas said so himself. So when he leaned forward, she moved away. "I'm not in the mood for that right now."

 

He gave her this really funny look. It was like he was looking at a disobedient child. "Is this about your idiot friend and her false accusations?"

 

Naminé flinched at the insult. “You don't have to call her that."

 

"What else am I supposed to call her? Dumb? Stupid? Jealous? Nosy? Needs to mind her own business?”

 

“I’m just saying insulting her isn’t—”

 

“God, I can't believe you let her get into you head like this."

 

Naminé frowned. This would not turn into another argument. It couldn't. She'd say she could get it under control but there was nothing to "control" because it wasn't a problem and it wasn't going to  _ be _ a problem. "Stop it, Roxas. This has nothing to do with her."

 

Roxas scoffed, lifting his hands up and dropping them in what looked like exasperation. "Then what's the problem? It's not like it's your first time. Riku took that from me—"

 

"Wait, why’d you say it like that?"

 

"—and you can't be nervous about it because we've had sex before. What else could it be besides what Yuffie said?"

 

Frustrated, Naminé stood and grabbed her bag. She had been planning on staying the night, but that had started to feel like a terrible idea. Staying would eventually lead to something bad happening, and there was no need to go through that before prom. "You know what, I'm just going to go. Yes, I'm still going to prom with you. No, I'm not breaking up with you.  _ No _ , I'm not mad at you. I'm just going to leave before this turns into an argument."

 

"The only way this can turn into an argument is if you start overreacting again,” Roxas told her. “We're just having a conversation about why you're acting different all of a sudden."

 

Naminé froze in place on her way to the door. For once, she didn't agree with what Roxas was saying. She didn't even consider it to be the truth. If he had said she was running away, she'd have agreed, but she was not overreacting. She just wanted to stop everything before it blew out of proportion like it always did.

 

She dropped her bag onto the floor and turned to face him. Although she was absolutely terrified to speak her mind about this, she knew she had to. If she didn't, it would bother her every time she saw his face, heard his voice, felt his touch, or inhaled his scent. It was time to be an adult and actually face confrontation. Without giving in, without backing down. "You say that…but looking back, I don't ever remember overreacting with you. I feel like every reaction that I've ever had when dealing with you was appropriate."

 

Roxas snorted, though there wasn't a single trace of genuine amusement in his expression. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, hands clasped together as his elbows rested on his knees. "Appropriate," he smirked, shaking his head slowly. "So ignoring me for two weeks and blocking my number because I wanted a little space is appropriate?"

 

"I…okay, I realize that was unfair to you," she mumbled, averting her eyes as the familiar warmth of embarrassment touched her skin again.

 

"Oh, I'm not done," he laughed. It didn’t sound right. It was unnerving. "You think confiding in an old friend about our sex life is appropriate? When you could have just talked to me about it?"

 

Naminé frowned. "I just wanted an outside opinion because I felt weird about it..."

 

"That is my whole point!" Roxas spat viciously. "You felt weird about what exactly? The sex? The fact that you said no before you said yes? Me? Yourself?! I—!" Roxas huffed almost helplessly. "No…I see what's going on here. You're trying to find a reason to break up with me."

 

"Roxas, that’s insane—"

 

"No, that's  _ obvious _ . This is just some bullshit excuse for you to break up with me because you're…you're cheating on me. Aren't you?"

 

" _ What?! _ ” Naminé cried. She actually felt like crying. Roxas wasn’t making any sense at all, and the fact that he would even  _ think  _ she was cheating on him cut her just a little too deep. “What is wrong with you?! Why would I cheat on you when all I've ever wanted was to be with you?! Why would I cheat when you know what I went through before?! I would never want to put anyone through that type of pain—especially not you!"

 

His face fell. "Oh. I…forgot about that."

 

"I couldn't tell. You bring it up all the time," Naminé spat.

 

"Okay, my bad, whatever. You still haven't explained to me why having sex with me is suddenly a problem for you."

 

Naminé narrowed her eyes at him. "Why does that seem like the only thing you want from me now? We've been together for less that a month and if we're not having sex, we're arguing about having sex. What the hell is that?"

 

His expression softened as he stepped closer to her, gently taking her hands in his. "I'm just making up for lost time, Sunshine. I've been waiting so long to be with you and now that I actually am it's…I'm like a kid in a candy store! If that makes you uncomfortable them I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for accusing you of cheating. I really don't wanna fight, baby. I just want to spend time with my girlfriend."

 

Naminé appreciated his honesty and his apology, but now that he'd brought up cheating… "Question: while Yuffie and I were out the other day, we bumped into Olette. She said some things. I'm not saying I believe her—"

 

"But you want to confirm that what she said was a lie," he cut her off, looking significantly less angry. "It is. She's used the exact same  _ our boyfriend _ line on all of my girlfriends. Ignore her. The only person I want for the rest of my life is you."

 

Naminé released a breath she didn't know she was holding. It was true that she never believed Olette in the first place, but having him confirm it out loud made her feel so much better about being accused by him. Because guilty dogs bark first. She didn't want to blindly believe that he was being faithful, and then have that belief crushed for the second time. "Thank you for that."

 

Roxas smiled, but there was still something off about it. "You're welcome. We good now?"

 

"I guess so," she shrugged. He pulled her into a hug, but she couldn’t find comfort. How many times were they going to argue before they got settled into this relationship thing? She missed their honeymoon phase.

 

…Did they ever  _ have _ a honeymoon phase?

 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. It was only out of habit because she wasn't even sure what she was apologizing for anymore.

 

He laughed softly. "It's fine, Sunshine. Come here."

 

Naminé leaned away when he tried to kiss her again. "Please don't."

 

"Oh, here we fucking go…"

 

The blonde stared helplessly as her boyfriend walked away from her, kicking over his desk chair as he passed it. Hadn't they just solved the problem? Why was he still angry? "Honestly, what is wrong with you?"

 

"What the fuck is wrong with  _ you? _ Tell me the truth: is it bad? Do you not like it?"

 

"No! I'm just not in the mood! You said yourself that I can say no, but now that I'm actually saying no, it's a problem?!"

 

"Yes, it's a fucking problem! It seems like I always bust my ass to give you what you need, but whenever I want something, you suddenly get all uptight and prudish about it! I have carried your hopeless ass through three years of high school—what the fuck have you done for me?!" Roxas shouted. Before Naminé could even answer, he shook his head and scoffed again. "I'm done with this shit. Just go home."

 

Naminé’s eyes began to water as he picked up his desk chair and sat down, blatantly ignoring her existence as he did something on his computer. Her throat tightened as her hands curled into fists. "Is that what you think of me? I'm hopeless?"

 

Roxas didn't bother to respond.

 

Naminé pushed her fingers through her hair in frustration. It seemed to her that they had more problems as boyfriend and girlfriend than they ever did as friends. Did they get together too soon? Did they rush into things? Everything did happen a little fast. She knew that she should have waited longer to date Roxas after their two weeks apart, but she didn’t want to miss her chance. She thought this would make her happy.

 

"I think…" she started, regretting the words before they even left her mouth. She had to do this. She had to be responsible. "I don't think we should be together anymore."

 

Ever so slowly, Roxas turned to face her. In all the years she'd known him, she'd never seen such rage in his expression. It was different from when he'd fought Riku, or when he had to pin her to her bathroom floor. This one reeked of instability. Roxas wasn't just upset or angry...Roxas looked  _ unhinged _ .

 

"What did you just say?" His voice was calm, but she knew better than to trust that.

 

Swallowing hard, she took a cautious step backwards. "Maybe it's best if we just stay friends for now. W-We can try again in college if you want, but I just don't think now is a good…"

 

His eyes hardened, face darkening more than she ever thought possible.

 

"...T-Time.”

 

Naminé couldn’t stand to look at him. Not while he had that look on his face. She never would have imagined that she would be afraid of him. Roxas was her safety. Or at least he used to be. She wasn’t supposed to be afraid. You’re not supposed to look at someone you love like  _ that. _

 

She sucked in a deep breath. “I really should go. I'll see you later, Roxy..." And with that, Naminé turned to leave the room. Her mind was racing with thousands upon thousands of thoughts, and her hand trembled as she picked up her bag from the floor. Hopefully he would be okay in a few days. Or weeks. However long it took, she was willing to give him that time.

 

Just as her fingers were about to close around the doorknob, she felt a hand roughly turn her around and shove her back into the bedroom door. Not only did it stun her into silence, but it physically knocked the wind out of her. All she could do was stare at the pissed off boy towering over her. 

 

“What do you think is going to happen when you walk out of that door?" Roxas spat, face just inches away from hers. His eyes were wild and his grip on her upper arms was too tight. "You think all your problems will magically disappear just because you want to run away from me again? You think your dad's gonna stop beating your ass and be the parent you need him to be, or that some other guy will suddenly appear and replace me? News flash: you fucking need me.  _ Me _ . I am the best thing that has ever happened to you and the best thing that ever will."

 

Naminé looked at him in wide-eyed shock and confusion. This was going a little too far and the things he was saying were kind of mean. No,  _ really _ mean. They were downright awful. "Please let go—"

 

"Shut up," he growled as he shook her hard. "Shut the  _ fuck _ up. You can't do this to me. You can't string me along and-and-and  _ play _ me like this. I'm the only one who cares about you. No one else is going to love you with all these ugly ass scars and crazy ass breakdowns that you have. But I will. I do. If you walk away from me right now, you'll be walking away from real happiness. Don't you want to be happy? Don't you want to be saved? I can save you. You just have to stop acting like a goddamned idiot."

 

Naminé was absolutely speechless. She wouldn't have known how to respond to that even if she wanted to. The one person in the world that she thought would never use her self harm against her had just used it against her without thinking twice about it. The one person she'd loved more than anything and put before everyone else had ripped her heart to shreds like a useless sheet of paper. She stared with unseeing, watering eyes, chest wound too tight as she struggled to inhale.

 

_ And then she remembered. On the top shelf of her closet was a small gray lockbox where she kept all of her money. The tray full of bills could be removed to reveal a tiny rusted razor blade. It was the one she'd kept for emergencies when Roxas had confiscated all the others. She hadn't needed it in so long that she'd forgotten about it. _

 

_ The need to breathe was urgent once again, just as it was years ago. She remembered it like it was yesterday: the freedom she felt as the small blade separated her skin. The oxygen around her would rush into her lungs as if it were brand new. She was the only one who got to breathe that new air, and it seemed to make everything she had gone through up until that moment fade away into nothing. She needed it again. God help her, she needed to breathe. _

 

The blonde exhaled shakily, forcing herself to inhale again through the pain, the memories, and the unbearable pressure pushing against her chest. Her eyes began to focus again, and she no longer saw an angry Roxas. He looked just as hurt as she felt.

 

"I didn't mean that. I didn't mean it, I promise. I swear, I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me."

 

Naminé watched as Roxas dropped to his knees and buried his face into her stomach, clinging to her waist as if she were his life force. "I am so sorry. I should have never said any of that to you. I'm an absolute moron and I don't deserve to be forgiven for that but  _ please _ . I need you. I'm so sorry." As he said this, his hands slowly slid from her hips to her knees.

 

The blonde blinked, watching as his wild blond hair turned an inky black color. When he looked up at her, his tear-filled sapphire eyes had turned into a terrifying dark brown. Her stomach turned as she slowly realized why she saw her father when she stared down at him, and she felt no sympathy for him. Naminé felt embarrassed for herself. After all that time she'd spent calling her mother stupid, Naminé had gone and fallen in love with an awful guy  _ just like her _ . It seemed like all the women in her family were destined to fall for the exact same type of guy who used the exact same manipulative tactics on each of them. And they all fell for it again and again.

 

It was only a matter of time before he began to hit her. It was up to her to break the cycle. She'd rather die than to live like her mother.

 

"Get up," she spoke softly. Within seconds, Roxas was on his feet, still begging for forgiveness. All the while, her itching need for that razor was returning with a vengeance. She needed to get out of there before she had another breakdown. She needed to get to her closet. Another notebook page had been filled and it was time to rip it out.

 

The moment she realized he was reaching for her face, she slapped his hand away. She was finally smart enough to not fall for his tricks this time. "I'm done with you," she whispered. "I don't want to see you or...hear from you ever again."

 

Roxas stared, chuckling after a few beats of silence. "I know you don't mean that, baby. You're just upset right now—"

 

"I mean it, Roxas. Stay away from me."

 

"Sunshine, please. You don't know what you're saying."

 

Naminé didn't bother to respond. Instead, she used all of her strength to push against his chest and quickly fled the room once he'd stumbled far enough back. The trembling blonde fled the house as quickly as she could, ignoring his shouts. Her heart nearly sank into her stomach as she swore she heard footsteps right behind her, trailing her. She used her panic as a driving force and nearly threw herself across the lawn and into her own yard. Whether she was being extremely paranoid or not, she didn't know, but it felt as if her life was on the line.

 

Once she was safe inside her own home, she bolted past the blurry images of her parents, fled to her room, and locked herself inside. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Everything was a mess. Even worse, she was starting to realize that Riku was right about him. Yuffie as well. She'd done nothing but make excuses for him and enable his behavior. So much for knowing him like the back of her hand.

 

Sobbing, she sank to her knees next to her closet door. She hated herself for being so stupid. She hated herself for still not hating him. When she'd told him she'd always love him, she hadn't lied. Knowing the truth about him wasn't enough to stop the way she felt about him. It wasn't enough to stop the ache in her chest, or the empty feeling she got from simply being away from him.

 

Naminé began to empathize with her mom. She didn't want to love an abusive man, but she didn't want to lose her best friend. He was such a big part of her life for such a long time. Without him, she was nothing. They both knew that, and Roxas had used that to his advantage. The thought made her sick.

 

After the tears had passed, Naminé slowly picked herself up and opened her closet door. The lockbox was still exactly where she had left it. When she reached for it, she stopped. Time itself seemed to stop as she stared up at the adorable Moogle plushie sitting on top of it.

 

She hadn't thought about him much since she and Roxas made up.

 

"Riku…"

 

_ I love you. _

 

_ Talk to me, Nam. _

 

_ He's manipulating you again. _

 

_ I'll always be here when you need me. Promise. _

 

All of the anger, sadness, and self hatred that had been boiling within her for months finally erupted. Naminé grabbed the lockbox and the plushie and hurled them at the wall across the room. "I need you  _ now  _ and you’re not here!" she yelled, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

Riku had been right the entire time. Riku had warned her, but she hadn't listened. In that moment, all she wanted was to tell him that. If she had to sit through an hour of his I-Told-You-So speech, she'd do it just to have him back.

 

She couldn't do this by herself. Her mother clearly wasn't going to help her, and she wouldn't dare ask anyone else for advice knowing that her plea for help could get back to Roxas. Her hands trembled uncontrollably as she retrieved her phone and dialed a number from her contact list.

 

_ You have reached the voicemail box of— _

 

Naminé hung up and dialed again. And again. And again. Yuffie never answered, and she probably wasn't going to answer. Yuffie had tried to be her friend and she ruined it by listening to Roxas. She slowly shook her head as she hugged her knees to her chest and cried again.

 

* * *

 

"I did not fucking cheat!"

 

"Yes you did because you're a piece of shit! You were a piece of shit last week, you're a piece of shit this week, and you'll be a piece of shit for the rest of your life! Die mad about it!"

 

Naminé chuckled softly as she watched the two boys shout at each other. She actually enjoyed watching Roxas and Riku play Guitar Hero. They were competitive to the point where it was comical. Imagine seeing two fairly muscular teen boys—with toy guitars strapped to their persons—screaming at one another and imitating the sounds of a guitar to emphasize their points. Then cut to the two of them glaring at the screen while the sound of plastic hitting plastic and button mashing intensifies. You now have a mental image of what Naminé considered entertainment most Friday nights.

 

"Okay! How did I cheat?! How?!" Riku shouted.

 

"You're using the whammy bar more than you're supposed to! You know that gives your notes more points!"

 

"Tch. You're just mad because your stubby ass sausage fingers can't reach the whammy bar.  _ Die mad about it _ ."

 

That started a whole new round of shouting, but it was short lived. Soon enough, both boys were looking at her expectantly. It was now her call on whether or not Riku had actually cheated or if Roxas was just an extremely sore loser. The verdict?

 

"Calm down, Roxas. If using the whammy bar was against the rules, they wouldn't have made it a part of the game."

 

Riku smiled triumphantly, pushing his incredibly long hair over his shoulder. "She likes me best."

 

"sHe LiKeS mE bEsT."

 

"ShE lIkEs Me BeSt!"

 

From there, the conversation turned into repeated variations of that same sentence. Each variation sounded less and less like actual words and eventually turned into the two of them screeching unintelligible noises at each other. Naminé could only laugh uncontrollably from her place on the couch; she was breathless and unable to put a stop to the madness.

 

The front door opened. Neither of the boys noticed, but Naminé did. It was Riku's mother, and she looked absolutely mortified. Behind her stood all of the nice women that she'd recognized from his mother's book club. She looked over to the wall clock and frowned. Was it really seven o'clock already? When did it get so late?

 

"Um…" One of the women leaned over towards Riku's mom, "Which one did you say was yours again?

 

If they were in an anime, she surely would have seen the gigantic sweat-drop on the poor woman's forehead. "The girl. Yup. She's mine."

 

Her voice seemed to distract the boys from their argument. Riku perked up while Roxas looked like he wanted to sink into the floor and never return. "Oh hey Mom," the silver haired teen grinned.

 

She threw her head back and sighed. "I hate my life."

 

The women all giggled as Riku moved to cut the console off and removed the plastic guitar from his body. They knew they were getting kicked out of the living room so his mom could have it. "We're already gone, don't mind us," he assured her.

 

"Try to keep the noise down this time, honey," she pleaded with him.

 

"I’ll tell the invisible studio audience that follows me around to be quiet, don’t worry.”

 

The small trio went up to Riku's room and got comfortable in his bed. Naminé sat cross-legged near the headboard, Riku flopped onto his stomach, and Roxas took to laying his head in Naminé’s lap. It was a perfect routine that they had all gotten used to long ago.

 

"So…what do we do now?" Roxas asked.

 

Naminé looked around the room for something to spark an idea, but found nothing. This always happened. They'd be bored for an indiscernible amount of time until someone came up with something that sounded fun. They just had to wait for it.

 

…

…

…

 

"Let's watch a movie. We haven't done that in a long time," Roxas suggested with a small smile.

 

It quickly spread to the other teens. "Sure," they both shrugged.

 

Roxas sat up quickly, as if he hadn't expected to be taken seriously. Naminé was actually surprised that he had suggested it. He was still in that  _ I don't like sappy stuff _ phase, and apparently watching movies together fell under that category. "Really? Can I pick the movie too?"

 

"Anything but Chain of Memories," Riku frowned. "I can't go through that again."

 

"Agreed," Naminé grimaced.

 

Roxas appeared confused. Of course he didn't know about Chain of Memories. He was doing something else around that time.

 

"The movies are in the basement now. Dad suggested I get them out of my room because it was taking up too much space—"

 

"I didn't ask."

 

Riku frowned at him. "I DiDn't AsK."

 

"I dIdNt aSk!"

 

Naminé pressed her fingers against her temples and sighed. The two of them together were a headache.

 

"Man, go get the damn movie already!"

 

"Eat my ass, Riku— _ Ms. Catherine! _ I‘m so sorry!"

 

The two teens that were still in the room snickered until they were red in the face. With the two of them around, Naminé found herself laughing more and more. She couldn't help but be thankful that they were in her life. Their presence alone was a constant reminder that no matter how shitty things got at home, her boys would always make it better by just being themselves. They would always be a perfect, inseparable trio, headaches and all.

 

Riku sat up, chuckling as he pushed his fingers through his hair. Most of it fell right back into its original place, which she smiled at. 

 

God, she loved his hair. If only she could play with it all day, every day, for the rest of her life. 

 

"So," he started, but never finished.

 

She raised a thin eyebrow at him, tilting her head the slightest bit. Whenever Riku started a conversation like that, you had to expect that things were going to get really uncomfortable really fast. "So…?"

 

His eyes narrowed as the corner of his mouth lifted. She had never seen that expression from him before. Was she supposed to take this seriously or was he about to tease her? It looked like a mix of both, but she wasn't sure. Their friendship was still sort of new. If she were comparing it to how long she'd known Roxas, that is. There was still so much to learn about him.

 

"You like Roxas, don't you?"

 

Naminé made an unintelligible noise, mouth opening and closing in both shock and frustration. She didn't even know what to say to such a bold accusation. No, she didn't "like" Roxas. How could she like Roxas? They were only friends. "Why—what are you talking about?" she snorted.

 

Riku stayed silent, but she didn't like the way he looked at her. Did he think she was lying? Because she wasn't lying. She had no reason to lie.

 

"I'm not lying!"

 

"Okay," he grinned.

 

"Stop it, Riku, I'm not!" she whined. That probably made it look like she was lying, but she knew she wasn't. Roxas was…he was a big dumb jerk. He was like a brother to her. He would never in a million years want to be with her and she would never in a million years want to be with him. That would just be weird and it wouldn't work. The mere thought was stupid and Riku was  _ stupid _ .

 

He rolled his eyes, crossing his legs and propping his chin up on his fist. "I'm not trying to tease you, Nam. It's just kind of obvious that you like each other. I mean he's all over you all the time, he calls you Sunshine, you blush every time he so much as breathes in your direction, I see it all. You should go out with him."

 

"Those are all really stupid coincidences," she frowned. "You're…you're trying to connect dots where there are no dots to connect. I'm not interested in Roxas like that. I'm not interested in anyone right now."

 

Riku hummed, smile dimming. "Not even me?"

 

Heat rushed to her face quicker than it ever had before. What was he saying? What was he implying? "What does that mean?"

 

"What do you think it means?" he laughed.

 

"It probably means that you're a weirdo and you're trying to confuse me. If you want to say something, just say it."

 

Riku shrugged. "Okay. Do you wanna go to the movies with me this weekend?"

 

The blonde stared at him, confused. "Yeah, I…guess. Don't know why you had to be all weird about it, though." Honestly, it wasn't like they couldn't hang out without Roxas around. They had done so before and they would most likely do it again in the future. What was he on about?

 

Riku stared at her pointedly, and it made her uncomfortable. Was she missing something here? "You do know what this means, right?"

 

"Um, duh," she scoffed. Damn, what movie was so important that he had to start questioning her about…oh. Oh, now she understood. "Wait, did you ask me that because—?"

 

He smiled wide. "You finally get it."

 

Okay, that made more sense. He was asking because he thought she would be weirded out by spending time alone with him if she were into Roxas. Even if she were into him—which she totally was not—they could still spend time together. They were all friends. No one in the trio was interested in anyone else in the trio, so there was no reason to make a big deal out of everything.

 

Naminé smiled. "Yes, I'll go to the movies with you."

 

However…the brilliant smile that had spread across his face once she'd agreed to go with him was kind of adorable.

 

Roxas returned with a bowl of popcorn and a stack of movies in his hands. "Okay so we have KH1, 2, Dream Drop Distance, and Final Fantasy: Zodiac Age. What are we watching?" he asked as he threw the cases on the bed.

 

"Why Zodiac Age specifically?" Riku asked.

 

Roxas huffed. "Because no one seems to pay attention to it and I'm sick of it. It's a work of art—a cinematic masterpiece. It may be super long and the plot may be a tiny bit hard to follow, but it still deserves attention like the rest of the series. Not to mention that Fran is a very important part of the entire thing, and she doesn't get proper recognition either! It's madness!"

 

Naminé stared blankly at him. "So basically, you wanna watch Fran prance around in her skimpy outfit for six hours?"

 

The blond's cheeks puffed out as he averted his eyes. "I don't see why I can't enjoy Fran for everything she has to offer."

 

"I don't see how you always manage to find my popcorn when I hide it in hard to reach places."

 

Roxas smirked as he shoved a hand full of popcorn in his mouth and chewed it obnoxiously. Riku grabbed one of the DVD cases and chucked it at his head, but Roxas ducked just in time. The case collided with one of the empty glasses he had been drinking from earlier and shattered upon impact. All three teens cringed as the sound echoed.

 

"Riku! What was that?!" his mother yelled from downstairs.

 

The three of them exchanged quick, panicked looks. "Uh, the TV's just too loud! Sorry!"

 

Roxas let out a pig-like snort, then doubled over in laughter. Naminé had to pretend to cough in order to cover up her own laugh. "That's what you fucking get for trying to abuse me! Now when she comes up here to beat your ass—"

 

"She won't," Riku said matter-of-factly.

 

"Oh yeah, she's probably gonna lower the limit on your credit card or something," the blond smirked. "Fucking rich people and their first world punishments."

 

"I don't even have a credit card."

 

Roxas' eyebrow lifted slightly.

 

"…It's debit."

 

Naminé frowned. The three of them couldn't do anything without the boys having a pissing contest or being at each other's throats. It was usually funny, but there was only so much of it she could take. "Can we just watch the movie already?"

 

Roxas pouted. "Are we annoying you?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Good," both boys laughed. They even did they're obnoxious bromantic handshake to go along with it. Guys are dumb.

 

As soon as the movie was on, everyone got comfortable. Riku was back on his stomach, Naminé leaned against the headboard, and Roxas' head returned to its place on her lap. Just like they had remembered, the movie was slow to start. It took two hours for the entire party to come together, and three hours for Roxas' lewd comments about the Viera woman to start up. Despite both of those things, the movie was still fun to watch.

 

That was what made Roxas' bullshit reason for wanting to watch the movie seem valid: it truly did not get the attention that it deserved. It was long, sure, but you remained invested in the plot even during the slower points in the movies. And each time you watched it, you discovered something new that you had once looked over. Not to mention that the acting was good, the attire for that era was nice to look at, and the world was so well thought out. It didn't feel like a fantasy movie, but rather a retelling of a story that had actually happened to a group of people long ago.

 

At the three hour mark, Naminé was sure that Roxas had fallen asleep. Riku appeared to be wide awake and focused solely on the screen in front of them at first glance, but the slight cloudiness in his eyes that she saw upon further inspection told her he could drop any second. The boys did have a pretty eventful day: a full day of school, being a part of the pep rally, and then coming straight home to play Guitar Hero for hours. They also had a game the next day, so she didn't know why they were staying up so late to watch this.

 

Naminé sighed as she wondered what high school was like. She would be there with them next year, but she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Riku claimed to hate high school because everyone there was so superficial and obsessed with drama, but Roxas claimed to love high school because everyone was so honest and friendly. How could two people who were so similar and had so much in common have such polar opposite experiences? Being friends didn't necessarily mean that they had to have the same thoughts and opinions about school, but their opinions were so drastically different.

 

Aside from the never-ending arguing, the two of them really cared about each other. They had to, or else they wouldn't be friends. This made her think about what could possibly be happening to Riku in school. Or maybe nothing was happening. Surely if something was going on, Roxas would help. That was just the kind of person he was: smart, kind, caring, and always wanting to help others. Especially his friends. It was totally possible that Roxas' outgoing nature had drawn more amazing people to him, while Riku's stand-offish behavior might have led people to believe he was rude.

 

Then again, who the hell was she to say? She wasn't there with them. They rarely ever told her anything about high school because they wanted her to "find out when she got there."

 

"Gotta piss," Riku announced as he suddenly stood and made his way to the bathroom.

 

Naminé grimaced as she stared pointedly at his retreating form. As if she needed to know that. Once the door shut behind him, she shook her head dismissively and turned her attention to Roxas. His comments about Fran had gone quiet about ten minutes ago, and that's when she knew he had fallen asleep. She smiled to herself as she leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Are you sleeeeeeeping?"

 

The blond grunted, nose twitching as he jerked his head to the side. "Mmno."

 

"Really? What's the last thing that happened in the movie?"

 

"…Shut up."

 

She laughed, pushing her hair over her shoulder to get it out of the way. It really needed to be tied back before she fell asleep with it down and got it all tangled. "How are you going to pick the movie and then fall asleep halfway through?"

 

He groaned, rolling onto his back so that he could look at her through tired, half-lidded eyes. "I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me," he pouted.

 

"Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep."

 

"Well I'm up now," he muttered, slowly moving his arms above his head and around Naminé's waist so that he could stretch. Something popped loudly, and then he settled back into his original position with a satisfied sigh. And then he…stared. Naminé's brow pinched together in confusion. He mirrored the gestured, chuckling. "You okay?"

 

"I'm fine. You're the one that's staring. Unless there's a popcorn kernel on my face that no one's told me about, it's just creepy."

 

He made a noise that resembled amusement. "Oh, no. I just like looking at your beautiful face."

 

Roxas had made a habit of practicing his pick up lines on her. Spoiler alert: they were all corny. "Go get a girlfriend."

 

"I'm trying but the girl I want is  _ stupid _ ," he whined.

 

"Well then you'll be perfect for each other when you finally get together."

 

"That's emotional abuse and I'm calling teen protective services on you."

 

Riku walked in, and groaned almost immediately. "Aw, why'd you wake him up?"

 

In a split second, he hopped up and turned towards the silver haired teen with a frown. "She missed me because I'm the fun one in this group."

 

"You are the comic relief in this trio and nothing more. Go back to sleep, you crackhead."

 

Another shouting match ensued. It went on for quite some time before they heard quick, angry footsteps approaching the room.

 

“Oh no.”

 

“Oh shit.”

 

“Uh-oh…”

 

The idiots had woken Riku's mother up and she would not be happy.

 

* * *

 

After what felt like an eternity, it was finally prom night. The blond sighed happily as he finished fixing his tie, then smoothed his hands over his tuxedo jacket as he examined his reflection. Everything looked perfect. He could only imagine what Naminé would look like in her dress. It'd probably be something straight out of a movie: watching her descend the staircase with that beautiful smile of hers as she held part of it in her hand to keep from tripping on it. And he'd smile too, because he'd be her Prince Charming for the night.

 

"Rox…"

 

Another, figure appeared behind him in the mirror. His face didn't look as happy as Roxas had expected it to. His eyebrow arched in confusion as he turned to face him. "What's up?"

 

The other boy, with his usually wild hair slicked back with gel, looked incredibly distressed. "I don't think it's such a good idea to go over there. She hasn't answered any of your calls or texts all day. Does she even want to go still?"

 

He snorted. "Of course she does. Naminé loves me, and she wouldn't dare skip out on prom. I know it's my prom and not hers yet, but it's important to her too. I'll be gone in the fall and she'd regret not sharing this moment with me."

 

"I hear you, I do, but you know how things get between you two."

 

"Sora..." Roxas frowned. He didn't want anyone or anything to rain on his parade tonight. He was going to go to prom with Naminé on his arm and Olette would lose her shit and probably be jealous. He'd apologize once again and she'd forgive him and he'd never do anything that stupid ever again.

 

He wasn't oblivious. He'd seen how much his words had affected her. After so many years of trying to protect her from the bad people, he had become one of them and the guilt was eating him alive. He would do anything to make it better. No one would ever hurt her again—not even him.

 

Sora held his hands up in defeat. "All right. I won't say anything else. I'd just like to remind you of how dramatic she can be at times."

 

"Don't fucking call her dramatic, okay? She's just having a hard time right now."

 

The brunet deadpanned. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but refrained. "Okay, Roxas."

 

Roxas' nose wrinkled in irritation. "What's your problem, dude?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"No, say what you have to say."

 

"It doesn't even matter. We have this conversation all the time and nothing ever gets through to you, so I'm done trying," he grumbled as he walked over to check his phone.

 

Oh. Sora was about to go on another long rant about how he should stop being with Naminé because she had too much power over him or something. Well he could shut up because no one knew Naminé better than he did. Even if she was a little annoying at times and did some stupid things, he would never leave her.

 

And if they ever really broke up for good, which wasn't likely, she wouldn't be allowed to date anybody else because she still belonged to him. She knew that. Everyone knew that. They would remain best friends and he would protect her from all of the assholes with bad intentions.

 

Roxas rolled his eyes and turned back to his reflection. "Whatever," he muttered as he shook his hand head and went to pick up his own phone from his dresser.

 

_ No notifications _

 

He didn't let it get to him. Naminé was probably busy getting ready. She was going to look absolutely beautiful.

 

"Still no texts, huh?" Sora pressed. "I'm telling you, she's—"

 

"I'm telling you to shut the fuck up. Everyone loves to speak on things that they aren't even involved in and it's annoying as hell. Stop talking about her like you know her, got it?"

 

The corner of Sora’s mouth curled up into a half sneer. "…Got it."

 

Roxas smiled. Sora probably knew it was only a peace offering to try and ease the tension between them. "Fantastic. Now, let's go have the best night of our high school lives."

 

The two boys left the house and went straight to Naminé's. Sora hadn't spoken a word, but his dark mood was still polluting Roxas' air and he hated it. This is why he couldn't stand his friends sometimes. They were annoying know-it-alls who kept putting themselves into his business."

 

He decided to ignore Sora’s presence entirely as he rang Naminé's doorbell. A few seconds later, her mother opened the door. The huge grin that spread across her face was incredibly infectious. Even Sora caught it. "Oh, look at you!"

 

Roxas stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the grinning woman. He hadn't seen her so happy and peaceful looking since before her piece of shit husband became such a piece of shit. "Hi mama. Where's my beautiful date?"

 

"Should be in her room getting ready. She took her dress straight to her room when it arrived this morning, but I haven't seen much of her since. Who's your friend?"

 

Roxas tried to keep his smile looking as genuine as possible. "This is my cousin Sora. We're picking up his date after we leave here so we can all ride together."

 

Naminé's mother gave the brunet a warm smile as she pulled him into a hug as well. "It's so nice to meet you. You look amazing."

 

“Thank you! I thought the color was too much but now that I’m wearing it, I feel really good about it.

 

Roxas walked past them and took the stairs two at a time, excited to see his gorgeous girlfriend in her gorgeous dress. His hands were trembling and his heart was racing. Finally, finally,  _ finally _ , things were going to go right. It was him and Naminé against the world now, and it would always be that way.

 

Once at her door, he opened it and poked his head through. No Naminé. His excitement turned into confusion as he stepped into the room. Her room look like the S.W.A.T. team had rushed through it in search of something. He grimaced as he carefully maneuvered his way through the mess. 

 

On his way over to the bathroom door, he spotted a Moogle plush. The Moogle plush that Riku had given her at the arcade that night. He tossed it in the waste bin with a frown. She didn't need that.

 

"Baby?" he called as he approached the door and knocked with the knuckle of his index finger. "You okay? What the hell happened in here?"

 

Nothing. He pressed his ear to the door, but could only hear the loud hum of the A/C vent.

 

"Good grief, girl," he muttered bitterly as he tried the doorknob. It opened easily. Rolling his eyes, he walked inside. "Did you not hear—?"

 

His breath caught in his throat as he stared at the scene before him. There she was, his Cinderella, lying in a tub of red.

 

He blinked stupidly, mouth hanging open as he took a couple of unsteady steps forward. Naminé wasn't moving. Naminé didn't look like she was breathing. That knowledge took all the strength out of his knees and he collapsed to the floor. Her beautiful eyes, the same ones that were once so full of life and lit up with the most adorable sparkle when their eyes met, were now dull and unfocused. There was no soul behind them, and he felt as if he were staring at a Halloween decoration.

 

"No…" he choked, tears rushing to his eyes. His chest felt as if it was being pulled tight like a spring. Despite that horrible feeling, his breaths were coming faster and faster, each one more shallow than the last. It wasn't real. No way could it be real. It had to be some gross nightmare born from the nagging guilt he'd felt from what he'd said to her.

 

Without even thinking about it, he reached over the tub and cupped her face in his hands. Her skin was still sort of warm, but he could see the color quickly fading from her lips and cheeks. He shouldn't have touched her. That made everything real.

 

" _ Sunshine _ ," he whispered. His heart was racing worse than it ever had in his entire life, his vision was blurring, and the world around him had started to spiral.

 

And then he got angry.

 

"Naminé, this isn't funny. T-This is sick. If you're trying to prove a point or something then I get it. I'm an asshole and I'm fucked up for what I said to you yesterday. You can get up now."

 

No response.

 

"Get up, get up, please!" he sobbed. No matter how much he didn't want it to be true, he knew that this wasn't a joke. He squeezed his eyes shut, violently shaking his head back and forth as he let his hands drop to her shoulders. "I'm sorry!"

 

"Roxas, what's the—holy shit…" The room went silent for a little while, and then Roxas felt a pair of hands tugging at his wrists. "Rox, we gotta get out of here."

 

"No,  _ no!  _ Don't fucking touch me! I'm not leaving her! She needs help!"

 

The hands tugged hard, and Roxas' attention was drawn to his best friend's face. He'd never seen Sora so pale. "Dude, we have to call an ambulance! That's the only way we can try to help her!"

 

Roxas tried to push him away, but he was too weak and in too much pain to put up much of a fight. He wound up being dragged out of the bathroom by the brunet. He struggled a great deal, kicking and screaming the entire way. For a split second, Sora’s grip slipped and Roxas scrambled to get back into the bathroom, but he was quickly grabbed and dragged away again.

 

He didn't want to be away from her. He had to fix it. He had to fix her.

 

Roxas screamed and swore as he struggled to break free again, but the last remnants of fight in him evaporated as the brunet pinned him to the floor. He couldn't move, couldn't see, and could barely breathe, so the only thing left for him to do was cry. Somewhere in the background, in the real world, he could hear a high pitched, feminine scream. He didn't want to focus on it. He didn't want to be there because he knew it was all his fault. If he had only taken better care of her, been more firm when he warned her away from idiots like Riku and Seifer, kept Yuffie far away from her, and asked her out of first, this could have been prevented.

 

She was never completely his. That's where everything went wrong.

 

The pain was unbearable, and for the first time in his life, he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Naminé's voice echoed in his head as he struggled to breathe despite feeling like his chest would explode with every desperate inhale. Sora’s weight on him wasn't helping, but he couldn't form the words to tell him to get off of him.

 

His mind still raced through the pain and he hated it. He didn't want to think about the rest of his life without her. How was he supposed to live knowing that his love, his Sunshine was gone? He was supposed to protect her and he'd failed. His mother would be so disappointed in him.

 

A strangled cry escaped him as he buried his face into the carpet and sobbed almost uncontrollably. The two most important women in his life were now…dead. They were dead because he hadn't loved them enough to save them. It was all his fault.   
  


* * *

 

One of Roxas' top five favorite things about Naminé had to be the way she looked when she was fighting her sleep. Her skin was exceptionally pale, so the small red tint that came to her cheeks whenever he caught her nodding off was like waking up to a house full of presents on Christmas morning to him. He frowned to himself, but only to keep the goofy smile off his face. It'd look incredibly creepy for him to suddenly have a megawatt smile in the middle of a gore-y horror movie.

 

"You tired? You look tired," Naminé slurred. She was just barely holding her eyes open, eyebrows raised in a failed attempt to appear awake.

 

Roxas shook his head, chuckling. "If you're tired, go to sleep. I can finish the movie by myself."

 

"No, that's rude. I asked you to watch this movie with me; what kind of a person would I be if I just fell asleep on you?"

 

"A sleepy one?" he smirked.

 

Naminé whined as she rested her forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

 

"Yeah, whatever. Just go to sleep, dummy."

 

"Keep calling me a dummy and I'll hit you."

 

Roxas rolled his eyes, allowing a comfortable smile to spread across his face. Roxas knew better than to take her half asleep threats seriously. In fact, he never took any of her threats seriously. Naminé would only ever hit him in extreme circumstances. He'd spent the last few years learning which buttons made her explode, then used everything he'd learned to avoid getting hit.

 

That wasn't the only reason he took the time to learn these things about her. As her best friend and protector, it was his job to steer her in the right direction. Sometimes he had to push the wrong buttons to find out what her breaking point was; that way, he could keep her away from anything that would harm her. That included people and places.

 

Despite what his eyes observed daily, he knew Naminé wasn't perfect. No matter how many times he tried to tell her something for her own good, she still wanted to do certain things and see certain people. Nine times out of ten, that ended in her getting hurt. If only she would listen to him more, then she would never know what pain felt like ever again.

 

Roxas frowned again, annoyed with himself for the millionth time. She was in a "relationship" and he was going to respect that like she'd asked him to. For now, at least. It was obvious that they were going to get together sooner or later. He'd made it up in his mind that Naminé was the only girl for him, but Naminé had yet to realize that he was the one for her. So he allowed her to be with Riku while he played the field a little.

 

Hopefully she wouldn't think he was disgusting when they finally got together. It was just an extended bachelor party of sorts. However long Naminé took to make up her mind would be how long Roxas wasted his time with whoever wanted some fun. It wasn't fair for him to be faithful if she wasn't going to be.

 

In short, it was her fault he slept around so much.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud snore. He blinked in surprise as he looked down at her. Naminé only snored when she was extremely exhausted. It was a good thing he let her get some sleep instead of being selfish and forcing her to stay up with him. Next time he would, though. This was the third time he'd let her sleep through their movie night and it was getting too frequent. They were supposed to be spending time together.

 

Then again…he rarely ever got to admire her sleeping face. Now that was pure perfection. Her pale pink lips were parted ever so slightly, and her cute little face looked so relaxed. Smiling, he slowly reached for the remote and turned off the TV. The movie wasn't all that interesting anyway.

 

As soon as the screen went dark, Naminé stopped snoring. "I was watching that."

 

"Hush. I'm putting you to sleep."

 

Her limbs dangled lifelessly as he lifted her bridal style and started up the stairs to his bedroom. The mess could be cleaned up some other time. "I'm not a dog, asshole. And if you kill me, I'm gonna be so pissed when I wake."

 

He laughed and tossed his hair out of his eyes with a quick shake of his head. "You're not making any sense, love."

 

" _ You _ don't make sense, you yellow-haired bitch."

 

If anyone else were to see her like that would have sworn that Roxas had slipped her something during the movie. No, Naminé just lost her entire mind whenever she was half asleep. This had been happening ever since she was a little girl, and he thought it was the most hilarious thing. Add that to the long list of things he loved about her.

 

He used his foot to open the already ajar door to his room and flicked the light on with his shoulder. Naminé was already snoring again by the time he'd laid her down in his bed. He stood there for a few minutes to make sure she wouldn't move. She didn't.

 

"Awesome," he whispered as he quietly jogged across the room to his bookshelf. On the far right of the very bottom shelf was an unmarked blue binder. He pulled it out as quietly as he could, and cradled it carefully in his left arm as he flipped it open. The first page was blank, and he flipped past it mindlessly. The second and third pages were the ones that brought a warm smile to his face. Nestled in their plastic coverings were several Polaroid pictures of a sleeping blonde. His sleeping blonde.

 

Roxas flipped through more pages until he found a picture of her asleep in his letterman jacket. This one was his favorite. She'd actually come to one of his games for once. They'd lost with a pretty embarrassing score, but she still wore his jacket proudly. When they got home that night, she'd crashed from her little adrenaline rush. His fingertips touched the edge of the picture, and he wished with everything in him that he could go back to that night for just a few moments."

 

Roxas sighed happily as he flipped to the next blank page in the binder and sat it atop his dresser. He pulled his sky blue Polaroid camera out of the drawer and made his way over to the bed. Because of the position she had rolled into when he'd laid her down, he had to be extremely careful. "Let's see…" He lifted his leg and slowly applied some of his weight onto the mattress. It creaked loudly and he winced, but Naminé didn't wake up. Heaving a breath of relief, he used his hands to keep him steady so that he didn't fall.

 

"There," he smiled, hovering over the unsuspecting blonde as he lifted his camera to his eye. The picture was already perfect and he hadn't even snapped it yet. Naminé's beauty was natural, and he wouldn't take the chance of repositioning her. He didn't want her to appear posed. There was something…amazing about capturing things the way they really were the first time around.

 

His hands shook in excitement as he pressed the button. There was a brief flash, and then the whir of the camera printing his masterpiece.

 

He exhaled as he grabbed it and waved it back and forth. It developed slowly, but when it did, it was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the real thing. He was sure to take the same careful measures that he did getting into the bed as he got out of it. It took no time at all for him to place it into the binder and put everything back in its place.

 

Now that the job was done, he could sleep.

 

He walked over to the light switch to flip the light off and got comfortable in his bed next to his best friend. "Good night, my Sunshine," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. "I love you. And you’ll love me too eventually."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The italicized paragraphs in the beginning are a suicide note. Please skip over it if you cannot handle reading it.

_So hi._

 

_I don't really know how this works. Obviously I've never done this before. I've tried to look up how to write this note, but all I got was a bunch of generic responses about why I shouldn't do this. "Things will get better, your life is worth it, you have so much to live for!" I say that’s bullshit. I've been waiting for things to get better since the moment I saw Dad hit Mom and it never did. My life isn't worth anything and I can’t think of a single reason why I’d wanna stay here. Who's going to care if I'm gone? Like REALLY care?_

 

_I've always looked at my pain, at my entire life like a notebook. Once you fill up a page with ink, you have to tear it out to get to a new one. I wanted to tear out the pages the only way I knew how, but notebooks don't come with unlimited paper. If you keep tearing and tearing, you'll eventually be left with something that still resembles a notebook, except there’s nothing inside anymore. It’s all used up and empty. So why hold on to something that's genuinely useless?_

 

_Mommy, I should have tried harder to get you to stop letting Dad come back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so weak. I’m sorry for being so angry with you for so long when I should have been protecting you. And I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye to your face. But you said yourself that the world's only going to get worse. I can't handle anything worse than this._

 

_Dad. Even though you've done everything possible to ruin this family, I still feel the need to apologize to you. I'm sorry for not listening to you and for arguing with you. I'm sorry for whatever it is about me that makes you so angry. I'll never know what that is now, but at least I won't be able to make you angry ever again._

 

_I'm so sorry, Yuffie. I know you were looking forward to us being friends again and I know you're probably still getting over Riku's death, but I can't do this anymore. I don't want to eventually hurt you too. You are so amazing. You deserve a better friend than me, one who won't include you in drama or cry every five minutes. Thank you for not being like everyone else. Thank you for being kind to me._

 

_Roxas. I still love you so, so much. That's the problem. I hate myself for loving someone like you. If you were to come over right now and tell me to put this pen down and stop being stupid, I'd listen. I'd throw away every pen that I own just to make you happy and I don't know how to make that feeling stop. No matter what you do, I will always love you...and that’s scary._

 

_This is partly my fault too. I could have loved you the right way. I could have stood up for myself before it got this bad and taught you how to love me but I don't even love myself. I don’t know where I’d even start. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to be what you needed me to be._

 

_I'm okay. Please don't cry because I'm gone. I don't think I was ever supposed to exist anyway. I love you all so much. I'm really sorry I couldn't be a better person for all of you. Goodbye._

 

_Naminé_

 

Roxas had read the note at least a dozen times, and yet he still couldn't wrap his head around it. Since when had Naminé been in pain? She had never talked to him about that. They only argued and made up a lot, which he wouldn't have considered to be in pain. The last words he'd said to her were pretty harsh, but this letter had eluded to a deep-rooted pain that had been going on for a while. But…how? Naminé was mostly all smiles around him. She looked happy.

 

There was this one time where she had asked him about depression, but he didn't give it that much attention because Naminé didn't have depression. She was never diagnosed with anything. Besides, people who were depressed cried all the time about nothing and walked around wearing dark clothes while listening to heavy metal—so the very opposite of the kind of person Naminé had been. It just didn't make any sense.

 

“No...I don’t know what this means,” he said softly to Naminé’s mother. “We had a little argument the last time I saw her, but I didn’t think it would lead to this.”

 

The poor woman sighed deeply as she took the note back from him. “I just don’t understand…”

 

It had been two weeks since she'd passed, but Naminé’s mother had just found the suicide note neatly folded and tucked under Naminé’s pillow. After having read it for himself, he felt even worse about the situation. All of the things they’d been through, all of the things they’d shared with one another, simultaneously meant everything and nothing. He would never get to see her beautiful smile or hear her voice ever again.

 

It felt like his heart was beating for nothing. He briefly entertained the thought of going with her, but he was too afraid. Roxas didn't want to die yet. He wanted to go to HBSU and start his sports career. He wanted to die peacefully in his rocking chair when he was a hundred years old. Not any time soon.

 

His chest physically hurt every time he thought about her, which was too often. Whenever he wasn't sleeping (which he didn't do much anymore) he was up at odd hours of the night trying to figure out if he had missed any key points in Naminé's life that would have let him know that something like this would happen, but he came up with nothing every time. All they needed was each other. Was that not enough for her?

 

Her mother finally broke the silence with a whimper as she lowered her head. “I don’t understand. If I would have known it was this bad, I would have done everything to get her the help she needed. It just feels like it’s come out of nowhere.”

 

As painful as it was for him to admit, it wasn't anyone's fault but his own. It had nothing to do with Riku, nothing to do with Seifer, nothing to do with Yuffie, nothing to do with Sora or Olette, her mom, dad, no one else. He'd hurt her after he promised he would never. But if she would have just talked it out with him…

 

She just wasn’t thinking. Naminé never fucking **thinks** before she does stupid things.

 

He pressed his lips together in a desperate attempt to keep the tears from his eyes. It wasn’t doing any good. “I’m sorry, Ma. We were together all the time and I didn’t see it coming either. I should have paid more attention.”

 

The woman shook her head. “No. You could only do so much as her friend. I was her mother. I should have done more.”

 

Roxas dug his fingernails into his palms. Why did she have to leave it at friend? He was her boyfriend too and that fucking _mattered_. It was his fault too. He could have done more too. Why was everyone trying to erase him from her life like he didn’t deserve to be there?

 

“You’re still her mom,” he tells her. “And I’m still her boyfriend.” 

 

_In case you forgot._

 

Naminé’s mom offered him a weak smile as she reached over and touched his arm. “That’s a really nice way of looking at it.”

 

He didn’t like the way she said that, like she didn’t believe him. It was the truth. Just because Naminé was gone didn’t mean the connections she made with people were. She was still her mother and he was still her goddamn boyfriend.

 

Still, Roxas smiled back. She was hurting and didn’t know what she was saying. It was a difficult time for them both so he was willing to let it slide for now. He won’t correct her directly until she’s had enough time to grieve.

 

The woman sighed again as she inched toward the edge of her chair. “Tell your father I’m sorry for doing this on a school night. I called as soon as I found it and I…”

 

She never finished her sentence. It annoyed Roxas.

 

“It’s okay. I would have done the same thing.”

 

Well, no. He wouldn’t have. If he had found the note and showed it to her, she wouldn’t have let him keep it. He would have held on to it. After all, he deserved to have it.

 

Naminé’s mother stood, and Roxas did the same. He knew she was about to put him out. He didn’t want to leave yet. He needed a little more time. She opened her mouth to speak, but he wouldn’t let her. “Do you...think I could sleep here tonight? I promise I’ll be out by morning. I just wanna see her room one more time.”

 

That seemed to catch her off guard. “Oh. I...I guess that’s okay.” She paused for a few beats. “Yeah, I think it’ll be good to have another person in the house again. I’ll tell your father you’re staying over.”

 

Roxas smiled. For once, someone decided to be smart and consider his feelings. “Thanks. I think I’m gonna try to sleep now.”

 

“I might do the same in a little bit. I hope you can get some sleep.”

 

He hoped so too.

 

Roxas worried his bottom lip as he walked to Naminé’s bedroom. He was so worried that she had moved something, that the room didn’t look the same or would feel like Naminé’s room anymore. When he arrived at her door, he stood there with his hand on the knob for who knows how long.

 

_She’s not going to be in there. You know that._

 

He swallowed hard as he opened the door, stepped inside, and hit the light switch. He was amazed to see that everything was exactly the same. Nothing had changed. He shut the door behind him and took a couple more steps inside. Apparently her mom did clean up. The mess he had seen on prom night was gone, her bed was made up, the curtains were drawn, and the bathroom door was, thankfully, shut tight.

 

His entire body felt several pounds heavier as he dragged his feet over to her bed. He gently pulled back the spread and slipped beneath it. Her bed was as comfortable as it always was. And if he closed his eyes, he could pretend that everything was okay again.

 

Slowly, Roxas brought the comforter up to his nose and inhaled deeply. It still smelled like her. He decided to gather a bunch of it in his fists and pull it over his face. With the fabric pressed tightly to his nose, he curled in on himself and fell into a fitful sleep.

 

* * *

 

"Can I talk to you about something?"

 

Riku peered up at the blond from beneath his bangs, eyes a little glazed over. The two of them had been sitting hunched over while silently reading the assigned textbook pages for the last half hour. Or at least Riku had been. Roxas was looking at the words and following the lines, but he hadn't absorbed anything that the story was supposed to be about. A certain blonde had been on his mind for the past few weeks and his concentration had turned to shit.

 

He was also thinking about the boy in front of him, who had been monopolizing all of said blonde's time and acting strange around her. Roxas was slightly suspicious, but he didn't want to outright accuse him of anything. If he were going to accuse him, though, he'd say that Riku was pursuing Naminé like the backstabbing snake that he was. But he wasn't accusing him yet.

 

"Sure," Riku groaned as he stretched his arms high above his head. A loud crack emanated from somewhere behind him, and he relaxed in his seat again. "What's up?"

 

Roxas bit his lip, drumming his fingers against his textbook. "I just…I've been thinking a lot about Naminé lately."

 

Riku raised an eyebrow, amusement sparking to life in his teal colored eyes. The corner of his mouth even lifted into a half smirk. "Yeah?"

 

"Yeah," he chuckled awkwardly, reaching behind him to rub the back of his neck. What was Riku doing? What was with that look in his eye? That stupid look made Roxas want to hit him in the head with a blunt object. "You remember when I told you…how I felt about her?"

 

Riku's smirk grew. Roxas didn't like it. "Yeah, I remember. You remember when I told you that you should ask her out, and you told me you weren't gonna do that?"

 

"Because I can't," Roxas frowned. "I mean it's not like I'm scared or anything, but…I don't think I'm ready."

 

"Well Naminé's not going to wait for you forever. And neither am I."

 

"I know that, but I have enough ti—" The blond stopped, narrowing his eyes at his so-called friend. "So you do like Naminé, like I thought?"

 

The silver haired teen shrugged. "Yeah. Guess I do. I tried asking her out, but she thinks we're going as friends. I didn't correct her."

 

In that moment, nothing felt real anymore. Everything he knew, or thought he knew, about Riku was a big fat lie. He felt like a child being told that Santa Claus wasn't real after believing in him for so many years. His trust was shattered and the betrayal weighed down on him like…like…

 

He couldn't even come up with a proper analogy to describe how hurt he felt.

 

He hadn't even realized that his jaw had gone slack until he had to lift it to speak. "You..." God, he could barely breathe. It felt like he'd been hit in the gut with a basketball. "You…can't do this to me. You _can't_ go out with her. You heard me say I want to be with her, and yet you're gonna try to get with her anyway? What kind of friend does that?!"

 

"Were you not listening to me, Rox? You still have an opening. Naminé has no clue that I like her. She knows we're going out as friends. I purposely didn't use the word date when I asked her out because I knew you liked her—"

 

"If you knew I liked her then why ask in the first place?! That makes no sense!" he yelled. "God, I should have known. You've been flirting with her right in front of my face and I noticed that shit, but I wanted to believe that you wouldn't do that to me! Why would you do that?!"

 

Again, Riku shrugged as if this were a casual conversation. "I wanted to push you into asking her at first. I liked her the moment we met. But when we all started hanging out together, I noticed the way you looked at her, the way you talk about her, the way you light up like a damn Christmas tree when she calls you Roxy. Then you told me you liked her, so I figured that being a little flirty with her from time to time would make you jealous enough to ask her out. Yeah, I like her, but I'm not going to ask her on an official date until I know what’s going to happen."

 

Roxas' blood was boiling. Yes, he was mad at Riku, but he was also mad at himself. How did he not see that Riku was interested in Naminé? How could he have introduced his good-looking friend to the girl he liked and expected it to go well? He'd set himself up for failure. "And what do you think is going to happen?"

 

The amusement on Riku's face was no longer there. Instead, he looked slightly annoyed. "You know how I feel, I know how you feel—you tell me."

 

"…Fine," the blond spat. "You're not going out with Naminé. Ever. If the three of us aren't together, I don't want you around her."

 

"You can’t stop me from hanging out with her. I'll respect how you feel and stop flirting with her if you ask her out, but she can still be my friend."

 

"Oh, there's no if. And yes I can. I don't have to ask her out at all. You just stay away from her until I'm ready to ask her out, got it? She's mine."

 

"No. That's not how things work in real life, Roxas. You can't call dibs on girls. You're lucky I'm the one that likes her because I'm actually holding back. Dude, I care about you. Do you really think it's fair to forbid me from seeing someone I have feelings for because you like them, but don't want to ask them out? What happens when she gets to high school and other people start looking at her? What happens when Seifer sees her?"

 

"You heard what I said. Back. Off," Roxas glared.

 

The two boys stared at each other, neither one backing down. This was exactly the type of thing Roxas was worried about. There would always be people like Riku, who would befriend him just to get to Naminé. They probably never would have been friends if Naminé didn't exist. That sick, disgusting **freak** was not his best friend. They had never been best friends.

 

Roxas exhaled through his nose, trying his best to contain his anger. "I'm warning you, Riku: leave Naminé alone."

 

"I can't do that. Not when I feel so much for her. If you're not going to ask her—"

 

"Riku, I _can't!_ "

 

"Well I can! And whether she wants to be with me or not, you're going to have to deal with that! Neither of us even knows if she'll actually go out with me! She might turn me down!”

 

Roxas wanted to pull out all of his hair, he was so frustrated. "But there's still a possibility that she will say yes!" Roxas huffed. This was the last attempt he would make to get through to him and to save their friendship. Maybe Riku was just confused and didn't understand the severity of the situation. If he didn't listen to reason this time, then… 

 

"Knowing that Naminé could say yes to you...scares me more than anything. I-I love her, Riku. I don't know what I'll do if someone takes her away from me."

 

After prolonged silence, Riku sighed. He actually looked a little sympathetic. Could he have changed his mind?

 

"That's no longer my problem. I'm telling you now, if you don't ask her to be your girlfriend, I'm going to ask her to be mine."

 

Roxas stared at him in shock. He no longer recognized the boy in front of him. This dude…this is traitor was actually sitting on his bed, in his home, giving him an ultimatum about the love of his life? He could fuck right off. "Go home. And don't ever come back. This friendship is done."

 

The silver haired boy frowned, but stayed silent as he stood and began packing up all of his materials. Roxas watched him carefully, fully expecting him to lash out and do something wild like…push him down and run over to Naminé's house to declare his undying love for her. He wouldn't let that happen. He would not let Riku and Naminé happen.

 

Riku pulled the strap of his bag over his shoulder and fixed Roxas with a hard stare. "I don't want to hurt you, Rox. You're one of my best friends. I'm giving you until summer. That's three months from now. If you two aren't together by then, I'm making my move."

 

"You were never my fucking friend! You're a backstabbing, two-faced shithead and that's all you'll ever be! Naminé would never want to be with someone like you!" Roxas growled.

 

Riku held his eye for a couple more seconds, then turned to leave. "I'm sorry you feel that way." Roxas knew that the sound of his door slamming shut was the start of his countdown. He had three months to grow a pair and ask Naminé out, and Riku was deadly serious about that.

 

Could he do that? Really, truly ask Naminé to be with him?

 

He had until summer to find out.

 

* * *

  
Roxas didn't know what to do with himself. He was sat on his bedroom floor, still trying to figure out why his best friend, girlfriend, love of his life, soulmate had killed herself. All he had ever done was love Naminé. He didn't deserve to go through this. If it wasn't for Yuffie and Riku and Seifer, Olette, Sora, her mom and dad and literally everyone else, none of this would have happened. Life just wouldn't let them be happy together. God himself didn't want them to be happy together. After all those times he'd sat through boring ass church service and gotten on his knees to pray for her, this was the result he'd gotten?

 

Fuck that. Fuck everything and fuck everyone. He wasn't the crazy one. None of this was his fault. Everybody else was the problem. People kept coming into their lives and creating problems and making her think that it was all Roxas' fault. The only thing he was guilty of was not being there when she needed him. He had a car and some money saved up. They could have run away together, far, far away from that stupid town where none of those assholes could ever bother her again. Her dumb "friend" wouldn't have been able to brainwash her and he wouldn't have to hear those annoying comments from his fake friends. Why didn't he think of all that before?

 

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he hissed as he repeatedly hit the back of his head on the wall behind him and squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn't been thinking. He should have run after her the moment she left and fixed everything. She didn't need space, she needed him. He could have stopped her. Naminé had said so in the note she left.

 

There was a light knocking on his door, but he didn't bother to see who it was or what they wanted. The door opened, and he heard someone carefully inch toward him. "Roxas?"

 

It was Sora’s voice. He was the last person he wanted to see. "Go away," he muttered, sniffling. "I don't want to see anybody right now."

 

Sora huffed as he took a seat next to him. “You know I’m not going anywhere, Rox. I meant what I said. You were there for me when It was Riku, I’m gonna be here now that it’s Naminé.”

 

It was easier when it was Riku. He could easily pretend to give a shit for Sora’s sake, and it wasn’t very hard to make him smile or distract him. Plus, he had the extra time on his hands. That was the week Naminé wanted space when she accused him of lying.

 

He was only trying to save her from herself.

 

“I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I wanted to talk about Naminé and how she treated you.”

 

And there it was. He could never escape it. How could he possibly think it was okay to say anything bad about Naminé at a time like this? How could he say anything bad about anyone? Sora was such a happy-go-lucky freak of nature that was always smiling and always looking for the good in people. Naminé didn’t deserve to be on his bad side. She was an angel.

 

“What?” he groaned. It was better for Sora to just get it off of his chest instead of dragging it out. Roxas didn’t have the energy.

 

"I think you…might have been in an emotionally abusive relationship," Sora mumbled.

 

At first, there was silence. Roxas was so stunned that he didn't know how to respond. Moments passed, and a bark of laughter echoed around the room. If only Sora could understand how ridiculous that statement was. He hadn't been in an "emotionally abusive” relationship. No one was being abused. Sure, they'd been a little mean to each other here and there, but that couldn't compare to actual abuse like what she had to go through with her dad. But he never knew about that. He didn't know the first thing about her.

 

No, the only problem their relationship had was all of the outside people thinking it was okay to give opinions where they weren't needed and connecting dot number one to dot number twenty-four because it fit their disgusting narratives. For all he cared, everyone who had an opinion could go jump in a lake. They were in love and they were fine until a few weeks ago.

 

"Wow, you're stupid," Roxas laughed bitterly. Who in their right mind would bring this conversation up to someone who had just lost their future wife? And to call her abusive? Didn’t he know it was disrespectful to speak ill of the dead? "You’re actually so stupid. Naminé was not abusing me in any way. She was sweet and kind and everything I ever wanted. She just needed a little help."

 

"Roxas, no. You only think that because she's not here anymore. Naminé wasn't the saint you believed her to be. She was manipulative, she insulted you, she monopolized all of your time, she—"

 

"How fucking dare you?!" Roxas roared as he quickly rose to his feet. "You didn't know her. No one really knew her but me. How the hell are you going to tell me what my girlfriend was like when you haven’t even talked to her for more than five minutes?! I was with her for my entire life and she was never like that! Where are you getting this shit from?!"

 

"You, dude!" Sora yelled. "Everything I just said about her came out of _your mouth first!_ I’m only repeating the same things you say about her every single day! But I don’t really know what to believe because one minute you want to kiss the ground she walks on and the next minute you're talking about her like she killed your dog! And like...that's what people who are being manipulated do: they have a lot of mood swings and constantly change their opinion about the person manipulating them."

 

Roxas felt his left eye twitch. That was ridiculous. He didn't have to stand there and listen to that shit. "You’re sick in the head if you think I'm going to let you brainwash me into believing that my Sunshine was abusive. I’ve never said anything like that about her. I don't care about any of the shit you read on some fucking internet article at two in the morning while trying to put this shitty conspiracy theory together. Get out of my house."

 

"Roxas, listen to me—"

 

" _Get out!_ " he snarled, pointing at the door.

 

Wide-eyed and probably terrified, Sora stood and made his way to the door. He lingered in front of it for a while. Roxas was about to shout at him to leave again when Sora suddenly turned around to face him.

 

"You know what? You’re right,” he finally admitted. “I didn’t know Naminé. The only things I knew about her were the things you told me yourself. You said the same things about Riku but I never saw any of that in him. And, hell, if that’s the way you talk about the people you love, then I feel sorry for both of them." 

 

Oh, so now he was a bad person for venting his frustrations? When Sora said he’d always be there to listen to him without judgement? Because it kind of felt like he was being judged now. He only said the things he said because he was angry. He didn’t mean any of that and Sora should have known that.

 

Roxas curled his hands into fists. “I’m not going to tell you to get out again.”

 

Sora raised his hands up in defense. “Fine. But you need to figure your shit out. I’m done trying to help you.”

 

“I never wanted your help in the first place! God, you’re just like everyone else! You literally twist everything I say and try to make me look like the bad guy!”

 

“Twist—! Those were your exact words! Roxas, you had me believing that she was the most toxic person you ever met! We _all_ believed that!”

 

“I didn’t have you believing shit,” Roxas hissed. “You all heard what you wanted to hear. Now you’re in my house trying to make me feel bad while I’m grieving. I am grieving, Sora. Don’t you think I feel bad enough?”

 

Sora shook his head. “You’re right again. Of course you’re not going to understand what I’m saying while this is still fresh.” He pushed his fingers through his hair and scoffed as if he were tired. He didn’t know what tired felt like. Sora never stayed up until early morning crying his eyes out because his fucking fiancée died. It felt like a slap in the face to Roxas.

 

“I’m just gonna go. Whatever you got going on, you need to see a professional because I don’t think I or anyone else can help you, man.”

 

No, fuck him. Roxas was fine. There was nothing wrong with him. “Whatever…”

 

Sora left. Roxas sighed and sank against the wall again, threading his fingers through his hair and pulling on the strands as hard as he could bear. Everything was such a mess. His cousin was against him, and if his mother was there with him, she probably would have been ashamed of him.

 

He allowed himself to sit there and stew in his misery. He knew that he deserved to suffer for letting his Sunshine down. But he soon realized that he could only take so much silence. He'd almost wished that he hadn't ran Sora off like that. He was bad company to have, but at least he was company. He just kept saying all the wrong things. If Riku were there he would have...

 

His head shot up as he gasped. It had finally hit him after all this time.

 

He missed his best friend.

 

Shaking his head violently, he drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around himself.

 

“I’m sorry,” Roxas whispered to himself. 

 

He shouldn’t have had to apologize. Riku fucked up too and _never_ apologized for any of it. He shouldn’t have been missing Riku. Riku never missed him.

 

“I’m so fucking sorry…”  
  


* * *

 

Naminé sighed in exhaustion as her baby cousin began to scream his head off in the middle of her reading. Roxas, who had been taking a nap on her bed, groaned as he grabbed the pillow from beneath his face and forced it over his head. She chuckled at his slightly bratty behavior as she sat her book upside down to hold her place and got up to check on him. He was usually a quiet baby, but he was unbelievably fussy this time around.

 

"Make it shut up!" Roxas growled.

 

The blonde leaned over and pulled the chubby baby out of the crib. "Stop it, Roxas. He's got a cold and he misses his mama," she spoke softly as she gently bounced him.

 

It was the summer before her seventh grade year (Roxas' eighth) and Naminé had gotten stuck with babysitting. Her parents, aunt, and uncle had decided to go on a cruise for their summer vacation. She was supposed to go with them, along with Roxas and his parents, but Roxas had been grounded for spray painting a nasty slur on the principal's car with his friends. That meant no awesome cruise vacation for him. Naminé knew that going without him wouldn't have been as much fun, so she offered to babysit her cousin instead of making them cancel the trip because he was sick.

 

She hoped Roxas would remember this the following year and not do anything stupid that would cause his parents to ground him again.

 

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You know, you're going to have to get used to me eventually," she cooed at the screaming babe. "They'll be back soon. Until then, I promise we'll have a fun time—after your nap. Is that okay?"

 

Her words did nothing to soothe him. Roxas whined pathetically behind her, and she almost lost it. Her cousin, she could deal with. Roxas, on the other hand, was an entirely different case. He wasn't a man yet, but he definitely wasn't a child anymore. It was like he constantly switched back and forth between protective older brother and spoiled toddler. Unfortunately, she wasn't getting paid to watch him.

 

She sighed as she began walking in slow circles. There was one song that he seemed to love more than anything. His nursery rhyme book had stopped working, but maybe she could sing if for him?

 

_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are gray_

_You'll never know, dear, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

 

Her cousin screamed louder, but she expected that. It never worked on the first verse

 

_The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping_

_I dreamt I held you in my arms_

_When I awoke dear, I was mistaken_

_So I hung my head and I cried_

 

The song was actually pretty sad. She frowned as she noticed, but didn't stop singing. How many times had she and Roxas sang the first verse as kids and thought it was cute and fun? She wasn't trying to be a downer, but...it seemed that most things in her life started out cute and fun, and then took a turn for the worst.

 

That would explain what her father did to her mother last week. But that was different, and he swore it would never happen again. It was just an accident.

 

The loud cries died down to soft sniffles, and Naminé smiled. He even looked like he was about to fall asleep. Good, the song still worked on him. It didn't matter what the real meaning of the song was. As long as it worked its magic on cranky babies, she would continue to sing it to him.

 

Her cousin finally drifted off to sleep. Just to make sure he wouldn't wake up again, she hummed the rest of the song until she reached the very end, then gently put him back in his crib. Now she could return to her book.

 

"That song's really depressing," Roxas mumbled.

 

Naminé looked up at his half asleep form—hair a complete mess, dried drool stuck on the corner of his mouth, eyes half-lidded and red—and laughed. "Yeah, I guess it is. But it gets him to sleep every time."

 

He shut his eyes, exhaling through his nose. "Come here."

 

It was her turn to whine now. "Roxas, I'm trying to read. What is it?"

 

"Just come here," he frowned, patting the small portion of open bed beside him. Rolling her eyes, she sat her book down again and went to sit beside him. His eyes were still closed, which annoyed her greatly. If he had something to say, the least he could do was open his eyes and look at her. 

 

"You have to lay down with me to hear what I have to say," he spoke as if he'd read her mind.

 

So Naminé did. He didn't say anything for a long while, which made her think he had fallen asleep again. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd done that.

 

"I um…" He opened his eyes, looking nervous as all hell. "That song might be really depressing, but I think the first part is kind of sweet. It's like…you're _my_ sunshine, you know?"

 

Naminé snorted. "Yeah, okay. Go to sleep."

 

He quickly grabbed her arm and held her firmly in place when she tried to move. That was when she noticed the light blush on his cheeks. "I'm not joking, Naminé. We've been really close since birth, literally, and I want us to stay that way. I know I get on your nerves and play mean tricks on you all the time, but I do care. Always have, always will."

 

His blush spread to her as she averted her eyes. She appreciated his words, but it was so out of the blue. Roxas wasn't usually the emotional one. That was all her. He was the one that made fun of her for being that way. "If this is a trick, Roxas, I swear…"

 

"It's not. I just…I see how my friend Riku talks to you sometimes. You seem to like when he gets all sappy. If that makes you happy then I want to be that way with you too."

 

The sincerity in his eyes caught her off guard. This was the real deal. Yes, she and Riku did talk a lot about what he was feeling, but she never expected that from Roxas. She accepted him for the emotionally constipated dipstick that he was. Then again, she had been spending a lot of time with his best friend. Was he feeling left out?

 

"You don't have to do that. I know that's not who you are."

 

"But that's who I want to be. I'm not just your annoying older friend. I want to help you too. You shouldn't have to go to my friend to get things off your chest. That's what I'm here for. So…let's…cry sometimes."

 

Naminé snickered, but quickly covered her mouth to keep from waking the baby. Roxas laughed too, and that made it even harder to keep quiet. "If that's what you want to do."

 

He nodded, smiling bigger than she had seen in a long time. "It is."

 

"All right then."

 

"…All right then."

 

The two stared at each other, not really knowing what to do. Was Naminé supposed to just…go to Roxas whenever she had a problem now? Would he even know how to handle her problems? What would all his friends say about him being "mushy" with her? He seemed to care a lot about what they thought of him.

 

As she opened her mouth to ask, Roxas propped himself up on one elbow and leaned down to press a gentle kiss on her forehead. After three full seconds, he immediately retracted and turned his back to her. "Going back to sleep now. Night."

 

"I-It's…the middle of the day..."

 

"Good night, Sunshine."

 

Naminé blinked and stared at the back of his head. A huge smile broke out on her face as she hugged him from behind. "You are such a sweetie!"

 

"Whatever…"

 

"I _love_ you, Roxy."

 

"I…Iloveyoutoogoawaynow."

 

Naminé beamed as she returned to her book with butterflies dancing along the lining of her stomach. That was amazing. She knew that this moment was the true beginning of what would be a long, fulfilling friendship between the two of them.

 

Naminé couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store for the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of things I could say about this story. I still have so many feeling about it despite having written the original almost two years ago now. Writing it took a lot out of me and going back through it to edit it took even more out of me. But I’m here at the end again.
> 
> Yes, this story is based on true events. I wrote this when I really need to heal, and so I was brutally honest during some parts of it and sugarcoated others. But I did change the original ending. I’ve grown a lot since that time and I felt the ending that I previously had did not do this story justice. So if you’ve read this before and noticed the change, that’s why.
> 
> I hope this doesn’t give off the impression that abusers can get away with things. The point of this story was to show how manipulative people can be, how easy it is to fall for it when you already have such low self-esteem and self worth, and how gaslighting can go unnoticed when you believe you love someone. The manipulator isn’t always a 40 year old behind a computer screen, and grooming/assault isn’t always between an adult and a minor. Red flags should not be ignored just because you think you know someone or because you have history with them. Your discomfort and voice matters.
> 
> Also, if you feel anywhere close to how Naminé was feeling throughout this story, please speak up and ask for help. I promise there are people who want to be there for you and listen. There are people who want to help. If you can afford it, try therapy. You are not alone, you are not a burden, and you do matter. You deserve to be happy.
> 
> Lastly, if you’ve made it this far, thank you for letting me share my story and my feelings with you.


End file.
